Supernatural Imagines & Preferences ^Completed^

Hurt On Both Sides(Jared×Reader)

   Prompt: "Let me help you." 

   Dark. That's how everything felt. That's how your future looked, that's how your future felt. It hadn't been the best for you in days, and you could barely function outside of your bedroom. The darkness of your mind and the darkness of your room worked the same way, yet one of them was more comforting than the other. The darkness of your room felt needed and welcomed, while the darkness in your mind striked horror and madness. You knew that the darkness of your bedroom would go away and the sun would poke through the shades that were drawn on your window. That's why you liked it so much. You also knew that the darkness would go away, but not as quickly as the way the darkness of your bedroom would, causing you to like it a lot less. 

   The room was filled with so much silence that you could physically hear the thumping of your heart, the anxiety that was coursing through your veins becoming evident. Your heartbeat made you really despise all of your feelings. You were a person, a person who was alive and well in every aspect except for mentally. Why couldn't you mental health be as great as your physical health? Why couldn't you feel normal? Why couldn't you just be happy about the fact that you were breathing and not be so consumed by your thoughts? You really hated the fact that it felt like you were numb. Your brain was numb, your emotions were numb, your body was numb. You wanted to feel something, even if it was pain, but you weren't going to go that far, not again. You were just going to stay in bed and cuddle up with your favorite blanket, hoping that the depression would go away on its own. 

   It never did. 

   Jared would be in and out, cuddling you as you cried and bring you water and food to keep you alive. You would prefer that he didn't, though. You would've been totally cool with dying of starvation and decomposing right there on that very bed, but Jared wasn't gonna take that. He needed you and was doing all in his capability to show you that without coming off as too needy. He didn't want you snapping at him again, something that you had done a lot before you had retreated to the confinement of your bedroom. You had pretty much been on there every minute of every day for the past three weeks, a new record that you had set. Jared had only gotten back a month ago, finally on his summer hiatus, but now he wasn't able to do things with you. Jared probably hated your depression more than you did because it took the one thing he loved so very much away from him. 

   He walked in to see you cuddled on your side with tears staining your cheeks. You heard the door creak shut, the light turn on, and then the bed dip down. You tried your hardest not to look at him, not to seem to vulnerable, but you needed him. You needed him to take all of the pain away. You rolled over onto your other side and pressed yourself up against him with your head in his shoulder. Sobs racked through your body as Jared had a hand on your back, rubbing up and down. He was shushing you comfortingly, trying to get you to calm down as much as possible. When you didn't stop crying and started hyperventilating, he forced you to look into his eyes.

   "Come on, baby," he said as he wiped the tears from your face. "You're going to make yourself sick. Calm down, calm down." Jared said it over and over again until your breathing was normal, until you were finished crying like you did every time he was in the room. He rubbed your back soothingly as he placed small kisses all over your face. Normally, that would make you happy and it would make you smile, but you couldn't even think about smiling, let alone doing it. Jared looked into your eyes and saw all the hurt. "Sweetheart, talk to me." 

   "I-I can't think of what to say," you said, voice hoarse from not speaking to anyone for hours. You saw tears brimming Jared's eyes and noticed how he blinked them away, wanting to stay strong for you. Wanting to stay strong for his broken girlfriend as she ruined another one of his shirts with her snot and tears. Tears were the only form of emotion that you had been able to convey up until that moment. Progress. 

   "Hey, you spoke to me for the first time since I've been home. That's all I want. Say anything, sweetheart. Let me help you," Jared begged as he cradled you in his arms. You shook your head feeling more tears start to form. You fought them off to the best of your ability, but you were too work. Your body was too weak to fight back against your emotions. 

   "Help me with what," you said as tears rolled silently down your face. "I-I don't even know what's wrong with me. How...how would you even be able to help me?" Jared was dumbfounded. You were right. The only way to really get you help was therapy. But you would never agree to that. Or would you? 

   "W-what about th-therapy," he said hesitantly as you studied the look on his face. He had to be joking. He was gonna send you off to somebody else to have you feel more like shit? Hell fucking no. 

   "What," you said, your voice raising a bit. "Therapy? Why would I go to fucking therapy, Jar? So you wouldn't have to deal with me?" You were screaming right in his face, and you knew how sensitive he was about that, yet you couldn't stop yourself. You needed to yell. You needed to let all of this out. But why would you let it out on him? 

   "(Y/N)...I-I'm sorry I even mentioned it, baby. I'll...let you cool down. I'll sleep in the guest room tonight...so you can...cool...down. Goo-goodnight," Jared stuttered out as he walked out of the room, closing the door softly behind him. You fucked up. You just broke your boyfriend's heart, again. For the tenth time that month. He didn't deserve it. Jared loved you and all he wanted was for you to feel better and you had to go and hurt him. 

   For the first time in weeks, other than to take a shower, you got out of bed. You felt your legs move off the bed as you got up to walk to the guest room to go to Jared. You wrapped the blanket around you tightly, the air conditioner kicking on as you shivered. You opened your door, padding out into your hallway as you saw the light of the guest room on from underneath the door of the room. You walked up to the door, taking a deep breath and knocking on the door. You heard the creak of the rickety old bed frame as Jared got off of the bed and made his way towards the door. He opened it and wiped tears off of his face as he let you in. You went over to the bed, curling up on it before lazily lifting your arm up to wave him over. Jared reluctantly walked over to the other side of the bed and laid down on it. 

   "I'm sorry," you murmured as you scooted closer. Jared enveloped you in his arms and kissed your forehead. "I don't deserve you and how great you've been." 

   "You do deserve me, and it's okay. You're struggling." You reached your hand up to rub your hand over his cheek, before kissing him softly on the lips. 

   "You know...maybe therapy is a good option," you said, surprising him. "I-I don't know what else I could." Jared smiled at you, pulling you closer to him. 

   "I'll make you an appointment. I think this'll be good for you," he said as you snuggled into his warmth. 

   "For both of us," you added as you felt your eyes closing and the world around you going dark.