Paramore Conspiracy Theories

Thoughts

I hate this book.

I hate updating it, I dread getting notifications for it. 

The updates are always fun when I'm writing but I publish them and just.....

And I know there's a certain person who may be reading this and thinking it's about them, well it's not about you this time. 

I love talking to you guys, hearing what you have to say, even having healthy debates. One of my favorite people to go back and forth with is Jacob (Parameme) because he listens to my points, he's articulate, and he sticks to the facts. But there are people who just have a field day with telling me I'm horrible, and suggesting I should keep my opinion to myself, and that's what bothers me. 

The real reason I'm writing this post is because I got a comment on the Hayley/ED conspiracy I did a while ago and the person asked me why I thoight posting that was okay. And that seems like a run of the mill comment but it actually really upset me because they're right. I shouldn't have posted that, it was inappropriate and I've decided to take it down. I aapologize to that person and anyone else who was upset by that post. 

I don't even know what I'm doing with this book anymore because it really doesn't seem like it makes people happy anymore. I've debated several times of deleting this story and leaving wattpad, because when I do decide to end it I'll be leaving for good. People say they like it and they want to hear what I have to say, but a lot more people seem very upset by this book than are made happy by it. And I don't want to upset people anymore, but I'm not gonna hide what I feel and it's my right to voice it. The only compromise is for this book to stop. I genuinely love you guys and I don't want to make people upset anymore, but I can't in good conscience just post happy things no matter what. I guess what im saying is I'm kind of at a crossroads and I know what kind of comments I'm gonna get on this:

"Keep going!"

And

"Stop being the victim!" 

But I'm not trying to be a victim I'm just sharing my thoughts and I guess that's how it comes off. I don't understand when sharing my feelings and what I'm thinking automatically became trying to be the victim. This is how I honestly feel and once again I can choose to voice it knowing I'll get talked down to or I can keep it inside. 

That comment made me upset, really upset. This book is just pissing people off. There are positive voices, but they don't scream as loudly as the negative ones, and that's human nature to listen to and be more affected by negative voices. 10 people could tell you you're pretty but that one person who calls you ugly that's the one that sticks. I'm actaully scared to post this, because of what people will say. This book is my diary at times also, and this community I used to consider a patient friend. It seems though that people have lost patience with my inner thoughts. 

I'm just rambling at this point. Main point: I'm sorry to that commenter and anyone else affected by that post, I'm taking it down now. - H