Kunlun Mountain Part 4 - The Return

Chapter 22 - Torn

The Demon Lands

Pulling her into his arms as the tears rolled down her cheeks, Honghui held her gently against him.  

"You know I desire you.  You know I want you. You also know I would never hurt you Bai Qian, you are far too precious.  So why are you hurting me?" he asked, because even though she had left Mo Yuan to be with him, he did not feel that she was truly there.

It was a question she had tried to answer the day she had arrived to uplift the tablet.  The sadness in the atmosphere had been so heavy, had Ye Hua and Gaogui not opened the link to her mind, she would have approached him that night.  She not only felt his pain, but in that pain was her own, she still desired him.

But as for his question, he knew why.  Mo Yuan was the father of her son, the man she had sworn to wait for, the one she had decided thousands of years ago to marry.  But somewhere along the way, she had allowed herself to fall for another man and not just any man.  In his arms everything felt so right.  The warmth and tenderness of his embrace, the soft eyes that held her gaze when she lifted her head to look up at him, and even the way he was gently stroking her hair.

His touch was electric, her body was responding to it and she could feel herself being drawn in, but this was the exact reason why she came.  She had to know for certain exactly where her heart lay and at that moment she knew then that she wanted him, but how much, was it just for the physical comfort, or was it something much deeper and long lasting? 

"I'm so sorry.  I never meant to hurt you.  I needed to let you go, I needed you to let me go too." she said softly before forcing herself to move out of his embrace.  Because as much as she wanted it, they had to talk first.  

"The eyes never lie Bai Qian." he said as his hand reached out a hand to gently stroke away the tears before lowering.  Placing his hand firmly against her chest he pressed in hard.  "And nor does the heart."  he whispered softly, but the most tender way his eyes gazed down into her own and the deep sadness she could feel coming from them, had her own hand reaching down to take his and pull it close.

In the past, Honghui would have used the magical lure of his eyes to take full control of any woman, and he could have used it on her at that moment and taken her.  But for the first time in his life, he wanted her to choose him of her own free will.  He wanted her unconditional love to be given freely or they would go no further and he would let her go.

"I know you are struggling, but I also know you are not here just to see me home safely.  There is desire in your eyes, your body is reacting to me Bai Qian.  I want you more than you can imagine but if you are using this time to sort out your feelings or where your mind is truly at, then don't you think this is unfair to me?  It is hurtful, because you know how I feel about you.  Don't use me this way, it hurts." he said and at that very moment, he forced her to see every emotion he was feeling.  The deep sadness, the longing, the loneliness, the desire and the pain.  It was overwhelming and just as painful for her to see and feel.

But no matter how much she wanted him too, she had to let him know exactly where he stood, because if they went any further, then at least it was all out in the open.  "I won't lie to you.  I do desire you, very much.  Just being here with you is enough to make me lose sight of forty thousand years.  You also have no idea how hard I have tried to resist you.  Even now, the way you touch me, the way you look at me, even the way you chide me turns my stomach to jelly." she said as the tears streamed down her face.

"But I also love Mo Yuan.  I waited forty thousand years for his return, it was no simple task.  It was so hard, I was lonely most of the time, I missed him greatly, but somewhere along the way, you came along and changed something deep within me.  I tried very hard to let you go.  I did not want to complicate my life anymore than it already was, but as much as I thought I had made peace with the past and moved on, I can see how very wrong was.  I am sorry if this is inappropriate and hurtful, but you have to know that right now I am torn." she gasped out tearfully.