The Hobbit Imagines IV

Imagine confessing your love to Thorin

Part 1.

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You sighed heavily. 

"So maybe you think it is kind of strange to hear from me after how we left things..."

How were you supposed to continue. After practising this conversation in front of your mirror for half an hour, your tongue failed you. 

"You see, there is something that I haven't told you yet." You took a deep breath. "And then you walked in with her. I-I just couldn't... Why are you so blind?"

You rose up, your grip tightening. 

"Like, do I have to spell it out for you? Then that is too bad because I'm not in the mood for it! All of you say the same thing. All man are the same. 'Oh, woman are so hard to read. Oh blablablabla BLA!' Guess what? You are impossible to read!" you yelled.

"I mean. I thought that I have been pretty transparant but if you don't want to see it.. Well, then, that is your loss!"

At least that is what your friend had told you about an hour ago.

"Yes! It is your loss. And you know why? Let me tell you!" You paced around the room.

"Why do you think that I said something about your tie? Huh? Do you think I would compliment each and every guy on his tie? No! Why not? Because your tie is special!" Tears gathered in your eyes. "It is special because it is yours.

Also, do you think any woman would rush over to your house after you have burned your dinner? You bloody idiot. Of course we don't. Many of us would have told you that you're an idiot and would have laughed at you."

You sat down. Took off your shoes. "Now I am the idiot."

Koda, your dog, jumped on the bed next to you. He pushed his nose against your hand, telling you that he deserved a cuddle session. You laughed through your tears.

"I don't know why I want to tell you this now. Maybe the bottle of wine had something to do with it" you continued, your voice growing quiet.

"Why did you have to bring another girl to our date? I know that I didn't tell you that I considered it to be a date. I thought you would get it since we only ever go out with our group of friends. This time I asked you out for a drink. Just you. And you didn't get it."

You sat down against the headboard of your bed. Koda cuddled up beside you, his head resting on your stomache. 

"You have no idea how much you've hurt me. I'm sorry for walking out on you. I just... I didn't know what to do." Embarassment came flooding back. "I started crying while I really didn't want to. 

I'm happy for you. I really am. Just don't show me that you're happy. 

Keep it to yourself."

Koda licked your hand. 

You looked down at him, petting his head. "I heard you calling after me. But I just couldn't stop. I had to get away from her. At some point I just blocked you out. I got in the cab and I saw you standing there on the sidewalk.

You had your mouth wide open. Staring at me as I left. All I felt was emptiness."

The feelings of that night came rushing back. Two hours ago. It felt like a lifetime had past since.

"For now I just think that-" You couldn't say it.

But it had to be done.

"I know that we can't be friends anymore. This is goodbye Thorin. I hope you will understand."

Of course he wouldn't. You knew that this was the reason why he hadn't understand in the first place: you weren't clear. He didn't pick up on your hints. He needed clear, cut and dry words. 

"I love you" you said, and hang up the phone.

The phone fell down on the bed. You buried yourself in your dogs' warm and fluffy fur. He didn't fully understand what was going on but he got his cuddles. He was a happy dog.

"Why does everything hurt?" you sobbed. Your phone started buzzing for the twentieth time that night. You didn't have to look to know who it was. 

An old friend. A friend you loved beyond the borders of friendship. 

It stopped. 

Koda stretched his legs. He sniffed at your face. Then, he licked some of the tears off your face. 

"You're a good dog Koda" you said through your tears. 

Ding dong.