The Hobbit Imagines IV

Imagine proving that dwarfish women are not better in bed

This imagine came from imaginexhobbit; Imagine one of the dwarves saying that dwarfish women are better than any other race in bed so you drag them away to prove them wrong.

To say that the dwarves were unhappy to say in Rivendell was an understatement.

To say that they were pisses, was also an understatement.

To say that they were drinking every drop of the elves' wine was... quite accurate.

You didn't understand how it could be that they weren't drunk yet. They had drank their way through several barrels each and they were still going strong. 

Only the younger dwarves showed some signs of getting tipsy. 

With each barrel of wine, the stories were getting more and more focused on fantasy and folklore. However, the dwarves tried to convince you they were true. Every single one of them.

Even the one about Dwalin taking on a whole army of orc's by himself and winning.

A chill ran down your spine.

You could actually imagine that happening in real life. You felt lucky that he was on your side.

"Do you know what the big difference between elves and dwarves is?" Nori asked you with a grin.

You shook your head. No, you did not know.

He pointed a finger at you. "Then let me tell you. It is a secret so you need to come closer" he whispered.

Dori rolled his eyes. "Don't bother (y/n). Just stay there, we are all dwarves here."

Nori seemed to be disappointed by this. "Fine." He glared at his older brother. "Let me put it this way. Us dwarves have nothing to compensate for with our swords. Elves do. It is weird that their swords are still so small."

All the dwarves bursted out in laughter. 

You sat there with a grimace on your face. Why did they feel like you wanted to know that?

Nori saw the look on your face. "Don't you believe me lass?" he asked.

Some of the elders looked at you with surprised faces.

You shrugged. "It is not so much that I don't believe you as it is the fact that you may have bigger ... thingys then elves, but not bigger then men" you said.

The small group fell silent.

Nori suddenly started laughing like a mad man.

"Is he alright?" you asked Balin. You weren't sure if someone needed to help him or that it was just funny to watch.

The elder dwarf didn't respond. He was probably torn too.

"Do you really think that a human man can beat me in size? Oh lassie." Nori whiped some tears from his cheeks. He was still giggling a little.

"Aye, I have no doubt about it" you said stubbornly. You crossed your arms.

Dwalin, Bofur and Bifur chuckled.

Nori raised a hand to silence them. "Don't take offense lassie. I am just saying that humans are just not as good as dwarves when it comes down to bedsport."

"Aye, and many other things at that" Dwalin joined in.

You huffed. "That is not true. Have you ever slept with a human?"

Nori leaned back against the bench. "I don't have to lass. Dwarrodams are unbeatable."

Dori glared at him. "And how do you know that, dear brother?"

"Don't fret Dori. You know I have the urge to explore."

You stood up, forcing some of the dwarves to look up at you. Nori and Dori stopt arguing. "You," you said, pointing at Nori, "you are coming with me." You narrowed your eyes before turning around to lead the way.

Some of the dwarves patted Nori on the back as he followed you with a smile.

"Come on master Nori, show her what a dwarf is made of!" Kili shouted. Maybe he had one too many barrels.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"There he is!" Dwalin said loudly when he noticed the two of you coming back.

Everyone got up to cheer for their fellow dwarf. The youngest ones were whistling.

The smiles were soon swept away from their smart mouths. 

Nori wore a silly grin, his hair was all messed up and he had lipstick covering his exposed skin. 

You, on the other hand, were fully dressed and looked like you always did. It was like nothing had happened to you. 

Without acknowledging your audience, you wished Nori a good night and went to the guest chambers. 

Nori sat down next to his brothers. There was a dreamy gleam in his eyes.

"What happened?" Bofur asked.

Nori sighed happily. 

"Maybe she dropped something on his head" Fili said.

"Aye, or she cut off his..." All the dwarves looked down at their crotch.

A chuckle had them all looking back up. "It was nothing like that fellas. I take back everything I said. Human woman are the best in between the sheets."

Some of the dwarves huffed in annoyance. Others were curious to find out if you wanted to prove them wrong too.