Taking Command Book 2 (Kylux)

Chapter 30: Time of Dying

Trigger warning, suicide 

(Look! A TDG reference)

Kylo PoV

Hux would not approve of what I was doing. In fact, he had no idea that I was doing it; this was on purpose. As soon as I was well enough, I took a speeder and drove out to where the battle between myself and my family had ensued. Chewbacca did not seem to be there any longer, a relief to me. He did not seem to have died in the snow.

The Falcon was still nearby. It had been landed only a few hundred feet from where we had battled. I wondered why it was still there. I walked up to the ship where I had made so many memories and gently rubbed a gloved hand over it.

"Hello, old friend," I whispered, "I miss you."

I leaned my head against the ship and started crying. I did not know why, but it happened and I did not stop it. I could not stop it, in all honesty. It was too much to handle at the moment.

"I'm sorry!" I cried to the sky. "I'm so sorry! I wish I could take it all back! I want to go back!" I sunk to the ground and punched the ground angrily.

I had given up everything I had had, and I had betrayed all the people I had once loved. It had all been for nothing. "I just wanted to be like you!" I screamed to the beings I imagined might be listening, mainly Darth Vader.
"I wanted to finish what you started, I just wanted to make the galaxy better!" I gasped as a particularly cold burst of wind swirled around me.

"Grandson."

I whipped around and beheld a tall figure in the snow. They were transparent, yet I could make out their features. They were tall and well built with curly, brown hair and blue eyes with a scar on the left eye.

"I am Anakin Skywalker. I walked a path you walk now." So he was related to me, it seemed. "And that is how I became the Dark Lord you so aspire to be. You grew up wanting to be like me, but did you ever stop to think that perhaps I made a mistake?"

I could not believe it. My grandfather, the man who was Darth Vader was speaking to me. And what was more was the sound of regret in his voice.

"What mistakes do you speak of?" I inquired, scared to know. I knew that my family had not considered Vader a good person, but I wanted information from the original himself.

"I killed so many people for selfish reasons. I hurt and betrayed my friends, even my master and Padawan. I destroyed an entire planet on a whim. These are not the actions of a man you want to emulate, Ben." He smiled kindly at me. "Please, turn back. My path ended in darkness, but yours doesn't have to."

"This is crazy!" I yelled. "I've waited my whole life hoping to meet you, and now... Now you tell me I've been following what amounts to a mistake!" I was furious with myself. "I killed my family in the name of pleasing your legacy!"

"That's a lie. At that point, you killed because of someone you loved. That's what I had done as well. I killed to save Padme. You kill to help Hux achieve his sadistic goals." Anakin's ghost paused. "Come back. Before it's too late. Don't wait until the end like I did." He started fading.

"No. No! Don't go!" I cried as the apparition disappeared into the snow and I was left by the final memory I had.

"They love you."

The words rang through the emptiness that filled the air. It was the final straw for me. With a howl of anguish I turned my saber on the ship and began to destroy it.

"Make it stop!" I cried as I slashed a massive furrow in the ship. "I can't take it!" I knelt on the ground again, my energy waning. I was still weak. I was cold as well. I needed to get back. I could feel a storm.

I used the Force to tear off the satellite array from the ship and fling it. I wanted to destroy this ship. I did not want anything in the world that could make me remember. I wanted to die with it as well. I threw my saber at my speeder, causing it to explode.

I would die out here. With the last remnant of my old life. It would be less painful than telling the love of my life I had betrayed him. And maybe, just maybe, before I went I to eternal punishment for my horrendous crimes, I would see Leia and Han and Luke and be able to apologize one last time.