OUR SECRET || JAEYONG

Chapter 13 heart wants what it wants

Jaehyun was panicking. Taeyong had left him without any explanation. He didn't know if the other thought it was a mistake and if he was really angry with him now or... no, that can't be. He didn't want to have his hopes up for nothing. He hated that he didn't know what the other was thinking.

He had decided to wait for Taeyong to come back to their room. Now laying on his bed, he stared at the ceiling while thinking about the earlier events. His thoughts were interrupted when the door opened. It was Taeyong of course but he hadn't expected to see him wearing almost nothing. Jaehyun was too busy admiring the other's back so he almost forgot why he was waiting him in the first place. Now Taeyong was walking back to the door with a pile of clean clothes with him.

"Taeyong hyung wait!" He got up from the bed and walked closer to Taeyong. The elder then stopped before reaching the door handle.

"What?" Taeyong turned at him and tried to look him in the eye. However Jaehyun was too busy looking at his exposed skin. There wasn't that much to see as he had some clothes hanging from his shoulder and he was hugging more clothes and a make up bag on his chest. But the idea of him wearing barely nothing made Jaehyun feel things.

"Why did you kiss me back?" He asked and lifted his gaze up to meet the elder's eyes. The other looked like he'd run away again at any moment. Why was he so uncomfortable?

"I'm sorry." He tried leaving then but was stopped by a hand on his shoulder where his clothes were...no more. Turning around quickly at the sudden touch was a mistake. He saw Jaehyun gasp when he saw his neck. Taeyong's heart was beating again like a crazy when he looked him in the eye. He saw it...

"I'm sorry...it's just..." Jaehyun was pointing at his neck and trying to come up with an explanation.

"It's okay, you don't have to explain. I know..." Taeyong left then before he'd say something unnecessary and Jaehyun didn't try to stop him this time. What was I even going to say?

***

The staring had lasted all day and the feeling in Taeyong's chest didn't disappear. He could stare at Jaehyun for long time. However, every time their eyes met briefly he quickly turned away and his heart fluttered in a weird way that made him happy but also scared. He is now scared of his own feelings.

Just like now. Taeyong looked fast elsewhere when the other had turned his head in his direction. Jaehyun then started laughing with other members and that made the elder turn his attention to him again. He had always loved Jaehyun's smile. When he smiled even a little bit, he smiled with his whole face and he loved his dimples. But now when he looked at Jaehyun he felt the weird. And it was not a bad weird.

They had just come back to the dorm after practise. Jaehyun was sitting and laughing on the sofa with others while Taeyong was searching something from the fridge. He was actually just keeping the door open and staring at nothing right now. He was so lost in his thoughts that he jumped a bit when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Whoa why so jumpy? The fridge will lose it's job if you don't close it soon. You've been staring there for too long." Taeyong closed the door at Ten's request.

"Hyung...can we talk for a bit?" Ten looked at him with worried expression. What is it that he wanted to talk about? Taeyong hoped it wouldn't be about him and Jaehyun again but he nodded anyways.

"Good. My room?" Taeyong started to follow him but didn't forget to spare a glance at Jaehyun's direction. Their eyes met for a second before they got to Ten's room. After closing the door he suddenly felt very uncomfortable. It was quiet before Ten spoke up. Please, not about Jaehyun...

"What's going on between you and Jaehyun?" I'm doomed. "Everyone has noticed the odd behaviour between you two if you didn't know that. Are you keeping something from us?" Taeyong was at loss of words. He had known that someday someone would start suspecting something but he still didn't know what he should say in that situation. He knew they were all just worried about them. He was so scared.

If the truth got out it would hurt so many around them. But what was the truth? He didn't know that even himself. He knew that Jaehyun liked him now and he made his heart flutter whenever he was around and he liked the kisses the have shared and... wait ...did that mean he liked him back?

He had been so scared before to let himself think about it. Now when he allowed himself to think without denying it immediately he came to conclusion. Taeyong felt his heart start beating faster again when he finally accepted his feelings. He loved Jaehyun. He had loved him for all of this time. Jaehyun made him happy in a way that made his heart flutter. He had accepted him when he had thought no one could ever. He had comforted him when he needed it the most.

But he had broken Jaehyun's heart. He had hurt him so much because he had been selfish and only thought about himself. He had been so scared of everything else that he forgot to think about Jaehyun. He should have been there for the younger like he had been there for him too.

"Hyung? Are you okay?" Taeyong was brought back it the reality. His heart had felt light just a moment ago but now when he knew that he had feelings for his group mate, he felt more burdened. We can never be together even if I now wanted to.

Unconsciously he brushed his hand on his neck nervously. He shouldn't have done that. The make up that covered the hickey got removed a bit. Taeyong still kept avoiding the other's eyes.

"Where did you get that?"

"What?" He turned to look at Ten who had a shocked expression. He didn't have to guess many times what it was for when he noticed where the other was pointing at.

His hand flew fast on his neck to cover the whatever that could be seen. He felt a rush of heat through his body. At least now he didn't need to lie. The truth was out already.

"I'm sorry." Taeyong was scared. He didn't know what the other was thinking. He was just staring at him with unreadable expression. Tears threatened to fall from his eyes but he shouldn't cry in this situation. He just felt so hopeless because he didn't have any clue what to do or say. He didn't want to do anymore mistakes. "Please don't tell anyone."

"Who?..." Taeyong looked down. "...Do you have a girlfriend?!"

...What?

***

Next chapter, next week... I don't know the exact day.