OUR SECRET || JAEYONG

Chapter 1 lost

[EDITED]

Before you read any further...

• English is not my native language. There will be mistakes and I'm sorry for that.
• It's my first fanfic so I'm learning at the same time to write better. 

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He, Taeyong, had been thinking a lot lately. He was stressing about the comeback and a few other things too. New dance routines to learn, music videos to film and lyrics to memorise. Above all of that he had nightmares. He woke up every night and couldn't fall asleep after that again. Thus, he was extremely tired.

He had lived most of his life in a dorm with only boys. He had never had a girlfriend nor had he ever kissed anyone. He was never even interested in girls in school or later when he became a trainee. Even his younger group mates had more experience in dating than him. That's why he felt that something was wrong with him. He felt that he had missed something important while growing up.

Could it mean then that I like boys? No no no way...I can't think that. Taeyong had those thoughts too.

He had the thought for the first time when he had been drinking and having fun with his group mates while they had a day off. They were having a conversation about girls and everyone was sharing their past dating experiences or whether they had had a crush on someone.

It was bothering him in his nightmares too. Because he didn't have time to sort out his problems in daytime, due to their really busy schedule, the thoughts came in his dreams. He dreamed about loosing everything, his job, his close friends and family. He dreamed about being hated and looked down onto if everyone got to know his thoughts about liking boys.

He had always felt awkward and uncomfortable around girls. He never even wanted to get close to a one. He didn't know how to take the first step. He didn't know how to, because he never wanted to. He never looked at girls, never talked to them, never befriended one.

He thought male idols were more cool. He never watched female idols. If that was a crucial factor, he should admit that felt attracted to a male body over a female.

Becoming an idol had changed him a lot for the better but social situations were still too tiring for him. During his high school days, he had been very introverted and quiet. He had liked his own space, he had liked to be alone. Now he didn't have that time anymore.

At some point in his life, he had accidentally auditioned and got accepted to a company. Maybe he had admired male idols too much that he had got the courage to audition. Never had he imagined he would get in so easily and actually become an idol. He had been good and he had himself noticed it loong after their debut as NCT. He grew strong.

He had been happy and more open to the people who were surrounding him on daily basis. That was until he had these thoughts, he became too stressed and tired, weak. His life seemed to be falling apart. He needed to start sorting out something and soon.

It was 1 am. Jaehyun came back to the room he shared with Taeyong. He had been reading in the living room. It helped him to fall asleep.

He opened the door but jumped a bit when he saw Taeyong sitting up on his bed breathing heavily and sweating. Geez. That scene got him every time.

Taeyong rested head on his hands. His hair was pointing everywhere like had moved a lot in his sleep. It almost looked like he was crying but he wasn't. Jaehyun knew it. He was just scared. He had again one of those nightmares. It wasn't an unusual sight for Jaehyun. He has to wake up once every night because of Taeyong.