The Rant Book

tidal wave

hello hello hello everybody!

happy Monday  to you all (also happy december SO BRING OUT THE CHRISTMAS MUSIC)

ahem um...yeah.

NOW ONTO THE RANT

so despite my always weird title, lemme explain: tidal waves are always those huge things that just come outta nowhere and BAM.  they hit you outta nowhere.  and that's what i've been feeling a lot like with my emotions.  i'll get huge waves of stress or sadness or happiness.  and the worst problem is when i just attacked like that i don't know how to handle it- it's so hard to because it's hit me out of the blue and who knows where i'll be when it hits- i could be at school or at home, i could be out in public.

let me give you an example.

so i have this huge history thing due and it's been tough because IB likes to just pile you on with things, and because it's my choir's christmas season, it's crucial that i'm there for my rehearsals and my performances.  so you can imagine i'm *slightly* stressed

so i'm typing away at something and suddenly i can't breathe and i begin to hyperventilate and tears are welling up in my eyes and i'm crying and sobbing and it feels so uncontrollable.

But just as soon as its started it stops and I wipe my eyes and get right back to my work. It was terrifying because I didn't know my emotions could swing so fast, or that such huge waves of emotion could hit me that hard out of the blue

It even happened to me today at the last day of school.  I don't even really know what triggered it- maybe it was the crowded area or the stress from my assignments but I felt a little dizzy and then my chest got really tight and I couldn't control the watering in my eyes and the only thing I knew was that I needed to get out and the words that kept lingering in my head were my mothers words: "don't cry at school that shows weakness"

And somehow I managed to quickly get to the bathroom and let it out quietly before catching my ride and leaving school.

Ya idek

BUT THANK GOD ITS THE HOLIDAYS
Time to catch up on sleep and writing (finally) l!

Have a good day!!

xx