151- I want a nice body, but then like... food.
152- Admit it. At some point in your life you've tried to see if you had superpowers.
154- Sleep in my drug, my bed is the dealer, and my alarm clock is the police.
155- I might look calm, but in my head I've already killed you.
Three times.
156- Seeing a car in the middle of the mall and thinking "How the heck did they get that in here?"
157- I act completely normal around my parents. But as soon as I'm with my friends, I'm like the energizer bunny on drugs.
158- OK, I'm getting out of bed in 10 seconds.
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 9, 9...
159- Hearing noises when home alone and just accepting the fact you're gonna die.
160- Making a ton of plans then end up doing nothing. (A/N Story of my life)
161- Best friends are those who,
When you show up at their door at 3am with a dead body they say nothing, grab a shovel, and follow you.
162- No one looks back on their life and remembers the nights they had plenty of sleep.
163- Sometimes I dream that I'm awesome. Oh, wait.
That's not a dream.
164- Money does not buy happiness, but it pays for my internet, which is almost the same thing ;)
166- I'm so poor I rub cologne from magazines on my shirt. And when people say, "Oh, you smell good, what is that?" I say:
"Page 5."
167- "I wasn't that drunk!"
"Dude, you were asking my cat why he killed Mufasa."
168- "I don't hate you, I'm just not necessarily excited about your existence."
169- Be honest, if people heard what you are thinking half the time, you would be in a mental hospital.
170- 1. Open fridge. Nothing to eat.
2. Open pantry. Nothing to eat.
3. Lower standards and repeat.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hello you amazing people who are reading this!
No, don't look behind you. I'm talking to you.
Oh, now you're pointing at yourself.
Yes, you.
We got that cleared up? Okay.
So, if you are reading this and you haven't hopped over to my profile (the place where I'm supposed to tell you stuff about myself so you can, I don't even know, stalk me or something) then I would love you forever if you could. I have this spiffy little story on there called The Unexpected that I would love if you could check out if you had the time. For those of you who do, I give you my unending gratitude that is otherwise worth nothing in the real world.
Lovely, I know.
(I want a fainting goat) >>>>
