TAINTED | Zayn Malik

Chapter 60| Back to hell

I could think of many situations that could upset my mother, whether if it's a bad rumor going around, to one of her children making her image horrible. However nothing seem to piss her off more than me, no matter the issue or topic. Somehow, I always seemed make her angrier or worsen the situation. She was unimpressed no matter the outcome, if it was something in her standards. Then it was practically nothing.

She always had bigger expectations of me, and I didn't know why until one day I just decided that I wouldn't care anymore. I could do so many great things in this world to make up for the past, but somehow I still think she would disregard all of that to find any hidden flaw beneath the good I was doing. There will always be a catch to her, nothing that could make her stand there and admired me. Not one thing besides Ben, and then he wasn't even something I was happy about....

That was exactly when I realized I wasn't the one with the problem, it was her. She became so obsessed with the idea of being admired that she didn't know how to accept the bad, the whole entire world had to stop when anything happened that made her look slightly imperfect. I didn't want any part of that lifestyle, not understanding how challenging it was that you couldn't keep up with the facade even if you wanted too.

"What the hell were you thinking?!" She shouted as she closed the doors to her new office, facing me with a harsh glare. The large room was barely filled with things, only a simple desk with a laptop on it and a few chairs sprawled around the place.

I was barely around so it was all new to me that she upgraded to a bigger office, something that was obnoxious and had enough room for her things and the ego she carried along with her designer purse. I sighed myself as I grabbed a chair from the corner, sitting down as I looked out the large window that had a view of the city. Everything looked incredibly small from here, that I realized I was back in the city. A place I could barely stand a few months ago, now I'm here fully without even giving it a second thought. It just made me think of how much things has changed over the past few months.

"I'm talking to you Ryder, what in the hell were you thinking leaving the city like that? And not even contacting your husband or siblings, just abandoning your best friend to be with some man that looks as if he taking advantage of you?" The disapproval in her voice wasn't hard to miss, knowing she was scolding me particularly on the fact I embarrassed her again. Not because she was worried about me or thought I was in trouble.

I would've been angry for the comments she made about Zayn, but that different bother me. Because I knew his truth whether she liked it or not, half the time she spoke words about me that weren't even true. She didn't know him like I did, none of this was going to phase me. But it did provoke my my defense mechanism when it came to that last statement, it was something I needed to adjust.

When she didn't say anything I looked in her direction to see that she was giving me her undivided attention, expecting me to show signs that I was under the influence or doing other stuff. In the past this would've made me highly upset knowing that her trust for me was this low, but right now it wasn't about us. This was just a discussion I was willing to have now so it wouldn't be dragged on later, because the more anticipated the higher the outcome and last thing I needed was for her to scream harsh things at me.