TAINTED | Zayn Malik

Chapter 39| Ben

I could feel my heart pumping erratically in my chest, so loud I almost thought I was going into cardiac arrest at this moment. My mind couldn't process the conversation I just seen with my own eyes, making it feel impossible that something like this could even happen. Especially with two people in my life that were extremely important to me. But if anything the only thing I felt was anger, the fact both of them didn't care about hurting the people they loved was just absurd. It took everything in my power to not rush inside, but I knew it would only take my mind off the one thing I should do tonight. I leaned against the wall for a few more seconds, attempting to gain my composure before dealing with everything.

First N'dra and now Taylor, I couldn't seem to just be in a peaceful mindset for a few minutes. I just prayed that I could fully do things without having to worry about other people's drama which could effect me in a way, it's too much on my shoulders than what I'm already carrying. At this point it felt like my entire world is on back while I'm climbing up a staircase to reach everything I want and to just be free, safe and loved but I can tell it won't be like that at all. Nothing will ever come easy, you have to work for what you want and it's meant to be hard. It wasn't mean to be impossible but at this rate, that's how everything felt at this moment.

"Ryder, stand up straight." I could hear my mother whispering at me, yanking me forward to stand straighter. "The wall doesn't need to be held up, either go sit in a chair or stand up properly while I'm trying to get this entire thing together." She pointed behind her, everyone awaiting on her to finish yelling at me so she could yell at them before the few minutes are up.

My mind was already focused on things  which thankfully didn't concern her so I just made it my mission to walk past her, heading straight towards our kitchen. She called my name a few times, expecting me to turn  and talk about my problem with her. But I just needed one thing I knew I could rely on for anything, food.

I pushed open the kitchen door, ignoring the chaotic outbreak going on with the main chef shouting at employees to get things right. My mother had the actual gift of stressing other people out, so I could only give them a pat on the back with a laugh that said 'Oh, I've been there' and move on. This mood was completely normal for anyone so I didn't think anything else about it, just moving forward and grabbing a couple of hors d'oeuvres off a single tray. Whenever I felt a simple need to escape reality, I would also find the need to hang out around the bar. But since that was completely out of the question, I had to gain access from the next best thing.

The main appetizers were sent around the house, helping everyone to contain their hunger before we could sit down and eat. In the past my father used to hate waiting for time to past, being annoyed with everyone. I used to laugh at his actions but now I could see why, I grew to be exactly like him. The thought alone made me smile, my actions mirroring my father's just like he did. It was a bittersweet moment, nonetheless I felt better instantly thinking of him.

The kitchen became quiet as everyone left to go place out everything, a few of the chef's sticking around to cook up more of the feast tonight. I reached for another hors d'oeuvre when I heard the commotion outside, the doors opening up behind me. I looked over my shoulder, seeing my brother enter with a large smile on his face.