「 The Professor & I 」Charles Xavier Love Story

(32) Fatally Depressing

Lynn's POV

My tears swept themselves out of my eyes, rushing down my cheeks the moment Charles closed the door behind him.

Never have I felt so hopeless. Never had he made me feel so hopeless.

It pained me seeing him in hiding. It pained me knowing that he was afraid. It pained me that I was the root cause of everything.

I truly wished he never did save me that day after Cuba. I truly wished that he had let me die. I would rather be dead than to see him in this state.

Nothing good came out of the transfusion for him. He gave me his powers only to receive my pain.

Life was unfair like that.

As I have done for so many times since coming home from Cuba, I wept quietly under my covers hoping it will go unnoticed by the others. The journey since then could never have been an easy one.

The sudden loss of my legs, my powers, Raven and Charles was devastating. My world changed drastically overnight and everything I once took for granted was lost in the blink of an eye. I faulted Charles for choosing this life despite not being ready for it but in all honesty, neither was I.

I never regretted saving him but my legs was a price, I thought for a long time, too high to pay. I wanted him safe and alive but the overwhelming phobia of being powerless and defenseless in that chair was real and endless. The helplessness that came with the sheer inability to move my legs was nowhere near anything any able-bodied being could imagine.

The road to recovery had been both physically demanding and mentally daunting. The enhanced telepathy exposed me to so much more than I ever knew and my fears simply amplified the noises in my head. All the pain and horror that resonated through their voices plagued my mind for as long as I felt despair. Every day and every night, I was terrified to shut my eyes.

Those were the darkest days of my life.

But I could not tell anyone. I could not let myself crumble. Not when Charles already had.

I needed to put on a strong front for him. I needed him to understand that he was meant for so much more. I needed to show him that we were still us even in that chair. I needed him back.

I needed my Charles back.

I buried my fears so deep, only I knew where to find them. I hid my sorrows so far beyond, only I knew they existed. I braved the days in the mansion without them, doing everything in my power from this chair to make his dream of opening the academy come true. I have tried, tirelessly, in every way I could to show him that I was doing well in this chair and that he was capable of it too but he refused to listen.

It made me so broken, I wished Raven was here. Even when I had nothing, I had Raven.

She would always be my listening ear. I have missed her so dearly since she left us but the only good that came out of that was knowing that she could finally find herself. That she was free to be whoever she really wanted to be, outside of the limiting walls of this house. That she no longer needed to hide, unlike Charles.

It was more than heart-wrenching to learn that all my efforts had gone to waste. That all my courage and all my spirit were still not enough to get him to see past his dead weight. That even the strength of my love was inadequate to show him the light at the end of the tunnel.

His anguish wavered my determination, destroyed my willpower and highlighted my desperation so significantly tonight, more than any other, it was fatally depressing. He had managed to tap deep into the fear and sorrow I tried so hard to suppress over the past months. Obnoxiously deafening cries of distress and grief that echoed my own emotions returned, overpowering my mind, and I could think straight no more.

I forced myself out of bed into that dreadful chair and penned down what I thought might be my last letter.

In a complete mess of rage, melancholy, disheartenment, remorse, resentment and many more that my aching heart could not even properly feel to describe, I wrote Charles a note.

A suicide note.

I signed it off when a knock on the door interrupted my thoughts and brought me back to reality. In a hurry to hide the parchment, I dropped my fountain pen on it. I wiped my tears and hastily folded the paper, which was now stained with a blotch of ink, into the drawer of my desk as I swung open the door with my powers.

I turned around to see Hank who had come to deliver my motorized wheelchair. I have always wanted to teach from where I was and Hank figured that an automated one would be more convenient. He took the liberty to order custom-made ones for Charles and I, in hope that one day he might use it with me. The only regret was that we never even got close to telling Charles about it, given his current record on the serum. But it surely did not matter now, that he insisted on teaching with that vile liquid flowing through his veins.

"I thought you might need this for tomorrow," Hank said as he pushed the chair through the door. "Where do you want it?"

"Just next to the bed, please," I croaked, unable to hide my voice that gave away the fact that I had just cried.

"Are you alright?" Hank probed as he noticed my puffy eyes and shaky voice after he parked my new chair next to my bed.

"I'm fine. Thank you, Hank. Would you take this back, please?" I requested as I lifted the box containing the syringe of serum that Charles had deliberately left behind on my beside table, hovering it in front of Hank.

"Charles?" He questioned warily as he took over the box from mid-air.

The answer was obvious so I could not be bothered to even nod.

"You may leave now, Hank. Good night," I told him as I wheeled myself to the bed, not in any mood for anything.

I just wanted some time to myself, to brood over everything that had gone so terribly wrong tonight.

"Alright, then. Good night, Lynn," he said as he stepped towards the door but abruptly turns around. "Rest well. We need you tomorrow," he emphasised, giving me an encouraging nod before leaving my room.

Hank's words were few yet precise.

They hit me hard. They woke me up.

They reminded me of how much the children needed us tomorrow. All of us. We already lost Charles. I could not leave them now. Not tonight.

I pushed away thoughts of killing myself momentarily and surprisingly managed to cry myself to sleep in preparation for the long day ahead.

XXXXXXXXX

You have been warned that this was going to be dark right? 😅 But there was light at the end so it's not too bad I guess haha.

I hope you all liked this chapter regardless! Please leave me votes & comments if you did! You know how much it means to me 😍 thank you lovely readers!!!

AN: Does anyone know when is the Professor X's real birthday? Or will you all be alright if I created my own birthdate for him in my book? :) let me know your thoughts please!