365 Days (Part 1) | ✓

Day 9. Animals

9. Animals: Choose an animal. Write about it!

Diary of a Cat

Day 456

Once again the stupidity of humans surprises me. They talk to me in these strang, whinnying voices that they must think is attractive. I tried to push my human down the stairs today, but she thought I wanted to be petted. They are very strange creatures.

Day 465

I have been most sorely mistreated. One of the smaller humans captured me, amd the larger human placed a fearsome device upon my head, surely designed to kill. I fought with all my strength. Yet they managed to secure it, and then they further tried to blind me. I saw a very bright light flash off from their small black toy, and the they all gathered around to look at it. I think it must be very powerful. I am not dead yet, but that is because I managed to shake the headgear off before it could poison my brain. The humans let me go. I must have impressed them with my show of strength. The humans called the torture instrument a "hat." I await my death.

Day 477

I despise dogs. Today the foul creature had the impudence to sniff my bottom. We are not nearly to the butt-sniffing stage in our relationship, and never will be. It is just another example of dogs' ill manners.

Day 479

My human did something very odd. She kept putting more of that cloth upon her. I suppose because she has to wear many layers because she is unnaturally hairless. I have noticed many humans seem to lack the appropriate amount of hair. They are indecent in their hairlessness. I would not be able to stand the embarassment. But they cannot all be as beautiful as me.

Day 489

I had a staring contest with a squirrel today. He stared. I stared. It was intense.

Day 496

I realized today that I am superior to everyone else in every way. I showed this by sitting on a chair and looking very disdainfully at the world. When the dog tried to get to me, I swatted him.

Day 500

Last night I had a party. No one knew, because they all slept through it. But it was a rager. My tail still tingles.

Day 512

My human has a basket of yarn. It's for me, of course. Everything is. She always waves at me when I try to take some, though. I think she wants to play too. I took several balls of the magical stuff when she was out.

Day 513

How strange. My human seems to be upset that I graciously unraveled and chewed on her yarn.

Day 517

I take my naps behind the couch, but I need to find a new place. My humans know they can find me there.

Day 525

I wonder if anyone ever noticed I peed on the bath towels? Now no cat can claim them. I did an enormous favor to my humans. You don't want strange cats claiming your towels.

Day 556

They noticed. They seemed very excited about it.

Day 577

There's another cat in this house! I saw it! But there was a cold barrier between us. It was a very handsome cat. I tried to paw at it and it pawed at me. Then my human came by and I saw a human that looked just like my human in the other cats room. I cannot explain it.

Day 588

That squirrel will die. It teased me today, skittering across the yard. Once I figure out how to get through this clear but hard barrier, I will end that chattering fool. My humans have a way. I must watch closely and observe. This will also aid me in escaping this captivity. I scratched my escape plan into my litter box the other day, but forgot it was there when I next had to go.