Bully to Bully

Maths

I dropped my things down on my desk. I hate myself. I really want to cry, like really, really badly. Why did I have to mess everything up? Twice. Twice in one day I've hurt Harry. I looked up to the front of the room when I heard a chair scraping. Harry was sitting down at our desk at the front but I can't face him. I've picked the empty desk at the back in the corner, far away from Harry and far away from Niall and Zayn. I thought that if I sat with those two, miss would send me back to sit with Harry. So I'm just going to be a good little boy and do my work. Errrr I cringed at my own words. I took Harry's lead and dragged my chair back with a defeated sigh. I slumped down into it and face planted the desk. I groaned as my head numbly hit the wood but I knew that it was nothing compared to what Harry has to face. He wouldn't look at me through lunch, he wouldn't look at anyone. He just had this blank, emotionless face like he was dead. Not that I can blame him though. I even tried to talk to him but the words got trapped in my throat and tears threatened to spill out of my eyes. I fluttered my eyelids closed and pushed down further into the cold surface. I really can't be doing with maths now. I hope algebra falls off a cliff and dies. Arrgh I just want to go home! Stop complaining, imagine how Harry feels. I know but I don't feel too good either. You don't deserve to feel good. You know Harry already feels bad about himself and now you've done this to him. Yeah I know, you don't need to remind me. I already feel bad about it. I will remind you! I hope the guilt eats you alive and you can't eat or sleep because of it! I hope your whole world falls apart about it! But you'll never get close to what Harry has- and I hope that's what drives you to insanity. Enough! I know! I know how bad it is! I'm sorry! Sorry won't fix anything.

"Mr Tomlinson. I would appreciate it if you didn't fall asleep in my lesson." Jesus Christ! I nearly had a heart attack!

"Yes Miss, sorry." I sighed when I rubbed my eyes from the sudden light. She just rolled her eyes and walked up to her desk. I don't think she realised I'm in the wrong place. I looked around and most of the class were sitting down. I must have been deep in my thoughts. I ran a hand through my hair and tugged on it. I really want to walk out right now. If I had the energy then I would. I probably wouldn't go home though, I'd just fine somewhere quiet and sleep. Hoping that my dreams would take everything away. Miss was writing something on the board when the door suddenly flew open. Everyone started to turn around and after trying to fight the temptation, I did too. Niall and Zayn had just burst into the room laughing at something. Zayn lifted his head slowly and his chuckle died down when he saw everyone looking, Niall however was still doubled over laughing and had his back to the class. Zayn elbowed his shoulder and, still laughing, Niall straightened up. A blush grew on his cheeks as he faced the class. I just shook my head and turned back to the front. Something must be wrong with me because I didn't even find it funny.

"Care to explain why you're late boys?" Miss Sanders sighed. Zayn started to stutter up an excuse but Miss dropped her pen on the desk in defeat.

"I'm not in the mood just sit down." She sighed and something must be wrong with her too because usually she would have slaughtered them for being late. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Zayn and Niall swaggering off with huge smirks on their faces.

"Right I don't have time to mark them tonight so give me your homeworks now so I can mark them in the lesson." Miss Sanders explained as she held out her hand to receive Steph's homework. That reminded me, I was so mean to Harry last night. I looked up at him and from here I could see his shoulders tense- he must be thinking of last night too. I swear that there's no one who hates themselves as much as I do right now. I sighed and pulled 'my' homework from out of my book. It took Harry so long and I didn't even help. And I knew he was insecure and I still made him keep his shirt off. Why did I punch him? God knows. Miss moved over to Harry's desk and he handed her the work. I saw her eyes wonder over to my seat and then she scanned the room. She's looking for me. Her eyes rolled over the desks on my row and even though I wanted to, I couldn't look away. We finally locked eyes and I looked down to my desk. Hopefully she gets the hint that I'm not in the mood. I fiddled with my fingers for about a minute and then I dared to look up. She'd already collected half of the class' work and she was nearly at Zayn's and Niall's desk. She spared me a glance and I looked down again. I know she'll want to talk to me. Arghhh how long is this lesson! We haven't even started yet! I looked at Harry and he was bored too. He was trying to entertain himself by reading the posters on the wall but he gave up and started to pick at his nails. I looked to see where Miss was so that the lesson could hurry up a bit. It seemed that she was having some trouble with Simon who was on the desk next to me, I bet he didn't do it. Well you can't say anything. Wait, the table next to me?! I'm next! Oh God think of something to say! About what? Why I'm not sitting with Harry! Oh yeah, errrrm. Think, think!