Bully to Bully

Eulogy

LOUIS' P.O.V

"I'd like to thank you all for coming here today, I'm sure h-he would never have believed he'd get such a big turn out, but I hope he knew that he deserved one. We are here to remember an extremely gifted person, a person who is etched into our hearts forever and walks with us through our life times. In love, memory and spirit- none of us will ever doubt our company with the knowledge that he is standing right here with us. We may doubt our loneliness and whether our happiness will ever return but I know this, never a doubt in his mind appeared when he thought of you. He was the most genuine, selfless and the strongest person I've ever met and will ever meet. He was so young. Yes, we have all heard the saying: "our lives are not measured in years but by the lives that we have touched" and maybe that is the thing that hurts most about his passing. Yes, it is a tragedy that he is physically gone from our lives, but it is maybe more devastating to know that the hearts that he was supposed to meet, break and love will never even be touched by the most loving heart that graced the earth. That is why I feel so torn in his absence. To know that his years were so limited and how we laughed them all away. To look back on all of the seconds that just washed away after they ran down our cheeks, the regret of not counting every single one, the tears of joy for the good times. The best times. He was a blessing. There is nothing more to it. A blessing that could only be seen when your eyes were open and looking for the bright side. If someone ever asks me to define him, I will say with all of my heart that he was the sun. He is the sun and he forever will be. He balanced everything perfectly. He was there for people when they needed him- he span them around his axis, making them his world. He gave life to the people with dead eyes and gave them warmth when they were on the brink of freezing. I know this because I was dead. But with him I could relax my mind and breathe in new air, his positivity opened my lungs and lifted me back to the surface. How we all wish that he would be the one rising now. I couldn't imagine a more ruthless ending, how much shorter the air could have escaped his lungs or how much faster his heat could have extinguished as his eyes quietly closed. I thought my life would also leave me as his did, after all he was the one who gave it to me. But seeing him in everything I do, the books I read, the music I hear, the fucking stones on the pavement. S-Sorry. It reminds me that as I keep living and see that he lives within elements of my life, my life is worth living as he is the one leading. I'll be with you soon mate, we'll play a game of FIFA and I'll let you win."

⏪THE PREVIOUS WEEK⏪

LIAM'S P.O.V

I lowered myself heavily into my car, still unsure of what I was doing.

I've ignored the thought of Louis for as much as I could. I told him to ditch the ego, I'd let him bounce off of me so many times when he could've just crashed from one of his mistakes, I've been there for him with everything- but when he goes and throws all of the advice in Harry's face, I couldn't do it anymore.

I was trying to give him some of his own medicine- but the thought of him in hospital nearly dying obviously got the better of me. So here I was, on my way to the hospital and feeling guilty as it suddenly dawned on me that he may not want to see me.

He wasn't in hospital for an illness or just falling over, he attempted suicide.

Suicide.

And I wasn't there for him.

Oh God. I'm the worst friend in the world. I left him when he needed me most. I gripped the steering wheel as that thought made me feel sick and I inhaled shakily as I closed my eyes. Okay, just calm. I'll never know unless I see him.

I relaxed my knuckles and blinked my eyes open as I stretched over for my seatbelt and started the engine. Okay, okay- this is cool, this is fine, everything is awesome. I reversed out of the drive and headed out of the estate on to the main road and clicked the radio on.