~ Reylo ~

No Longer Dark, But Still Not Light (Part 1)

You probably thought I left town, skipped a train and never thought of heading back, well I can assure you, I am still in the reylo garbage pit just like everyone else is

we can all swim together in the trash compactor it'll be great! What's the worst that could happen? Death? probably not, in all honesty but who knows! That is truly the power of ships my friends Anyways welcome to the segment I call: I couldn't start anything and I had this unfinished fic on my mind which I plan on fanfic trope-ing through the roof So that will be fun!Also thanks for the sticking around and the commenting, it really and truly means to world to me, I honestly hold all of them really near and dear to my heart and wouldn't have ever continued writing if it wasn't for all of you guys, so honestly and truly from the bottom of my heart thank you, even if you just read this book, I still very much appreciate you, and you make my world go round, so again, thank you!

This is going to be a bit of a fast starter, so I do apologize and hope you'll stick around to read the rest!

Fear, that is what lead to the dark side. Fear and anger and every other dark emotion you could think of. The dark side for all it's purpose is just one of two, and a few in between, sides of a spectrum. You were expected to pick a side and stick to it. Sometimes you switch, sometimes you stick to what you know. But one thing Kylo Ren knows, is that he shouldn't be afraid of the dark.

The dark in and of itself was limitless. The absence of light, of love, and of warmth. It expands through most of the universe anyways. The light was a lightweight competitor to the dark. The expanse of space is darkness with only tiny stars to guide oneself. Which is to say, he shouldn't be afraid of it.

He tries to drown himself in it. To make the fear go away, to make this fear leave him be. He'll turn every light off and try to calm himself in the overwhelming fear that consumes him. There's no helping it, the tears still flow, and his chest is constricting and heaving to get breath through the anxiety. Even though he knows there's nothing there, the shadows still flit across his room like they actually exist. He immeditly attaches to any fixture of light he must have forgotten to turn off. It becomes the only saving grace in his fear, waiting for whatever fixture is blinking to return to the outlandish red that barely covers his wall and disappear again. The sobs will eventually stop, even if he refuses to call them such. The anxiety will never go, not until he relents in trying to scare his fear away. No matter how hard he tries it never goes away. 

If he can't get rid of the light in the living world, how is he ever supposed to remove the light within himself?

When he runs he runs far, the Outer-rim is filled with lowlifes and scoundrels and all kinds of dirty and nasty things. The one thing it is never here, is dark. Even in the crusty motel he had paid for with unregistered credits there was always light. The window left little to the imagination of what was outside. The thin curtains, should they even be allowed to be called that, were dirty and impossibly see-through. He never once complained about the light that always filtered through. The relief about being able to do nothing about it even if he wanted to, stilled his nerves about being on the run in the first place. He may have no life here, but he wasn't opposed to making one.

Kylo finds himself a job as bartender. He somehow fits in quite well around here. People stay out of his business and he stays out of theirs. Life is easy. He basically runs and manages the bar, the owner is old and trusts him to manage well enough. Someone trusting in him to do the right thing instead of fail spectacularly is enough to keep his temper in line. A quick three years of work at the same bar and the darkness hasn't come back to haunt him once. As there can never be true darkness in a place that always seems to have a source of light. He still lives in the motel, pays rent on time, and is reluctant friends with the owner. A rather old Rodian who calls him things like 'sonny' and 'boy'. Makes him put plants on the window seat, to make the place look nice he says. So the fresh fruits and flowers are well tended to. It's something that keeps him busy and out of his own head.

Though as it always seems to, his past comes back to haunt him. Its a quite night on Pondar when she shows up. Dressed up in gray and staff attached to her back. They don't notice each other immeditly, he even gets down a drink order before realizing. 

He notices the energy change when he goes to punch it in. The hairs on the back of his neck stand at attention. Kylo raises his eyes, looking for the fight to break out. Instead he sees the green-brown eyes of the Jedi in front of him. Her hair has grown out, hanging lose on her shoulders. She looks older, more worn but not in a bad way  less childish more mature. Her clothes pull tighter to her frame, the stormy grey goes lovely with her eyes. 

He immeditly starts posturing, standing up straighter, steeling his face into something more menacing, into something that says stay away. Hes upset that he's been found out. Upset that it's her. Relieved that it's not the First Order. When his posture changes so does hers. They both stiffen considerably while the rest of the people around them continue on like two of the most powerful beings in the galaxy aren't getting ready to slit the others throat at the slightest twitch. She speaks first, taking her time to speak lowly and dangerously. 

"Does murdering not pay enough anymore?" He raises one eyebrow, a corner of his lips tugging up. He can play this game. 

"You're one to talk scavenger"

"I'm not a murderer, like you"

"You seemed awfully fine killing stormtroopers, or blowing up a planet full of people. If anything the blood on my hands is just as much as the blood on yours" He shrugs. "So maybe I'm not the monster after all. Turns out we're far more alike then you think"

Rey indignantly shouts out, "You blew up five planets!" the patrons all turn to look them them. Kylo waves them off, a small motion that means don't worry about it. The commotion of the bar returns soon after.

"I wasn't there, I didn't even agree to it. You, on the other hand knew exactly what you were doing on Starkiller. Hundreds of thousands of people lost their lives because of you. Who's the monster now?"

"Still you!"

"Tell me how I'm still the monster here, please, indulge me"

"You killed your own father! He loved you! He cared for you and you killed him!"

"You knew him for what, like all of 3 hours? It sounds like you're putting your family issues on me Rey. You can have him if you want, he was no father to me. I can assure you he would have disappointed you" 

Ren watches as her face turns red, her muscles tighten, and vicious fury consumes her pretty little face. There's a lightsaber in his face before he can even blink. Then the sound of multiple blaster's safeties switching off.

"I suggest you turn around and leave"

Rey turns from him, looking at all the blasters pointed at her. She knows not one person in this bar knows who they're defending. Knows if they knew who he truly was their blasters would be pointed at him and not her.  She also knows when her odds are beaten, and shuts Luke's saber off and reapplies it to her belt. She glares at him, and then at the weapons still trained on her, and takes her leave silently. 

They all look at him, looking for the all clear. He gives them all a small nod, they resume their work. It's more then he ever would have gotten in the first Order that's for sure. Just for a moment a swell of pride takes him by surprise. This is his family, this is his home, this is the life he's made for himself without anyone else. It's his and his alone. The tiny corner of the galaxy that's just his. His 'friends' for lack of a better word who would start shootouts just to keep him safe. Risk the wrath of a Jedi, and if they'll risk the wrath of a Jedi they'd risk their lives for him. He knows mostly all the people here tonight. He knows the regulars, knows things about them he's sure they don't remember even telling him.  This is the life he's built for himself and he couldn't be prouder of it. A warm feelings wriggles it's way into his bones,he would almost try to stop it but there's something about being wanted that feels nice enough to indulge. 

He returns to the earlier customer, swiftly apologizing for the delay and gets to work. He helps about three more sentients before a male Besalisk sits at the bar, orders something sweet and dark. As Kylo moves on, he misses the blue glow of the fingerprint scanner, and then the words in a language he doesn't understand.

"We followed the Jedi girl. We found him, he's here"