postllimit: mom: hey *dad’s name* oh whoops i mean *brother’s name* oh no *sister’s name* i mean *name of the family goldfish* ah shoot i meant *your name* can you get down here really quick i need something
queerqueensansa: my dad has literally called me by his own name.
actual-ironman-tonystark: my mother has called me our cats name who has been dead for five years
multiple times
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
amerlcanapparel: have you ever been so attracted to someone that every little thing they do kills you because they’re so cute but it also kills you because you can’t be with them
piggylippy: did you mean harry styles
amerlcanapparel: no i did not mean harry styles
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
meladoodle: i wanna be a reverse tooth fairy where i rob people and then scatter human teeth on their bed
firelorcl: a dentist
turkey-imported-from-maine: i dont know what your dentist is doing to you but i think you need to go to the police
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
soulpxnk: we all need jesus
foliemoadeux: someone calculate jesus’ dick size
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
silenthill: *puts my bro’s dick in my hand*
see, its a metaphor. it’s only gay if i jack it
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
theimpolitecanadian: when you drink the water and the tummy go sploosh sploosh
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
alieniverson: oh no a boy doesnt like my apperance whatever will i do
imported-adventure: eat him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
f-aint: I want to talk to you but my face
lollians: I think you just summarized Phantom of the Opera.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
rick-sanchez: good transition words to use on your SAT essay:
however
although
macklemoreover
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
intrnetvibes: jay gatsby’s car was a real hit with the ladies
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
officialunitedstates: I like ordering the most expensive thing on the menu but refusing to eat it. It’s okay, though, because it’s a metaphor. The metaphor is I’m incredibly wasteful and extremely wealthy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
skullkld: i got a 69% in class
finally got the d
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
nahshaw: maybe he won’t die in the movie
theperksofbeingjohnwatson: i love how we all know exactly what this post is about
lordofthewolves: the passion of the christ
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
pizzaforpresident: L is for the Letter L
O is for the Omelette in my sheets
V is very very
Egg
pizzaforpresident: i don’t remember making this post
nyehs: please try harder to be funny
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
canaydian: can the science side of tumblr explain to me why i do not have a boyfriend yet
bitchesaloud: because you’re ugly
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
skeletonflight: AU The Fault In Our Stars where Hazel Grace succumbs to the cancer and dies and in the last scene all you see is Augustus standing out side with a cigarette between his lips and a hand slowly reaching up to light it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
2dcc: take me to a museum. kiss me on the steps. shove the Mona Lisa up my ass
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
kushdrinker: *trips and falls into ur huge gaping vagina*
vvorldwideweb: *zips you up* you're mine now bitch
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
tokoman: *in the delivery room*
mother: is it a boy or a girl
doctor: *puts baby between teeth* it’s a metaphor
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
hashtaghomicide: what cats?!
god-tieraradia: wildteam!
highfunctioningsociocat: GET YOUR GAME IN THE HEAD
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
johnhamishmorstan: I don’t understand american school years what the fuck is a freshman or a sophomore why do you have these words instead of the numbers
aphtaiwan: what why would you use numbers
sluttynuggets: so IT FUCKING MAKES SENSE WHAT THE HELL IS A SOFT MOORE OR A FRESH MAN WHY ARE THE MEN FRESH
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
silohouettes: I actually love dogs more than most people tbh
silohouettes: no homo tho
simplefoetus: why no homo?
silohouettes: the french word for dog is masculine and you can never be too safe
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
bewbin: I have a really bad headache. Medical side of tumblr what should I do?
spicysalamislammer: smack your head into a wall until it goes away
bewbin: ok i did that now there is a hole in my wall. Carpenter side of tumblr how do i fix this?
religiousdad: ya gotta fuck it
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
iamwhoyoudidinthedark: stop romanticizing starbucks
xswagx: i'll fuck a latte if i want to
iamwhoyoudidinthedark: son...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
communistbakery: carpenters go to boarding school
artichokehold: wow wood you believe that?!
communistbakery: I saw what you did there
clubsnuggie: trees
communistbakery: thank you for ur contribution
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
neyhs: i'm back what'd i miss
dontdropthatpupupun: my cock
nehys: okay so nothing big, that's good
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*A/N: okay last Sunday it was 80 degrees and then 2 days later it snowed i hate weather i hate i t o HATE IT I RFUYCVKING MHATE I T*
~Lauren
