Magi Games

Battle Task 4: Scores and Feedback

JesterheadJohnSnow and wordsmith-

Jester,

-0.4 for punctuation

-0.2 for grammar

2 on the writing maturity scale

SCORE: 11.4

It felt very relaxing and enjoyable and got me to get to know each of your characters better. I really enjoyed the moments between your guild members and I actually really like how you didn't focus on the battle, but more on the ending at the ball. Great job!

wordsmith-,

2 on the writing maturity scale

SCORE: 12

Perfect score. Your writing was extremely smooth with no mistakes, so it was an easy read. I loved the introduction with all the guild stuff - how Miria's doing, the competition, the attention they're drawing. Your descriptions during the obstacle course were strong so it was easy for me to picture everything. Great job!

Since you won immunity, neither one of you wins but for story line's sake, wordsmith- won (due to the lack of mistakes and descriptive details, but you both had amazing entries) so you, wordsmith- receive the automatic 5, and the 5 for impressing me (both from winning immunity). You also receive another automatic 5 points for doing all the ballot punishments. You also receive 3.3 points for handing in early and 6 for including a brief scene about what the Gamemakers discussed for a total of 29.3

Jester, even though you lost (in the storyline anyway) you won immunity so you guys both wrote this as an extra. You also receive the automatic 5 points (for winning immunity) and you still impressed me, so you receive 5 for that (also from winning immunity). You also receive another automatic 5 points for doing all the ballot punishments. You handed in early, so you get 3.3 points for that and an extra 7 points because you included what the Gamemakers discussed but you did a slightly longer scene than wordsmith- did.

MusicgirlXD,

-1 for spelling

-0.4 for punctuation

-0.8 for grammar

-0.2 for sentence structure

1.3 on the writing maturity scale, resulting in a 0.7 point deduction

SCORE: 8.9

The fight at the salon was nice and pretty intense. It was nice to have interactions with your guild and get to know your members a bit more. I liked how creative you were in doing the two different ties and then using that as a way of giving your guild immunity. You did have a lot of spelling and grammar mistakes, though but still did a good job.

You receive an automatic 5 points onto your guild ranking as an automatic for doing all the ballot punishments last time, 5 automatic for winning immunity and you did somewhat impress me so I'm going to give you 3 out of the extra 5. Since you briefly included what the Gamemakers mentioned, I will give you 4 points out of the extra 7 for that.

ariel_paiment1 versus Sara_R_Stark

Ariel,

2 on the writing maturity scale

SCORE: 12

Wonderful job. Not only did you make it obvious we were in Alastair's POV but you also made first person mature again, rather than the small errors you had last task. I think this gave us a lot of insight into Alastair's mind and what he's going through right now. It feels like he's stepping into the spotlight as a main character almost. Intense battle. Great job.

Sara,

2 on the writing maturity scale

SCORE: 12

Wow. I loved getting deep into Vance's dead and the arguing and guild drama. You described the obstacle course in vivid detail and I love how you made Vance struggle. It was extremely realistic and so true to American Ninja Warrior. I also loved the last bit with the Gamemakers - technically you're not supposed to go to their POV, but I've let others slide with it once, just remember that for future references. I still enjoyed it though! Great job!

The winner of this battle is... Sara_R_Stark! Your guys' writing was both pretty much equal and neither one of you had any mistakes. You both got me into your characters' heads, and included drama with your guild. The deciding factor was the obstacles and how Sara, you showed Vance struggling and completing them, even though the entire entry was somewhat short. You both did a fantastic job and this was a hard decision.

Katie387750 versus D-Willy45

Katie,

-0.6 for grammar

1.6 on the writing maturity scale, resulting in a 0.4 point deduction

SCORE: 11

I loved how Thulok came in and you characterized him well. His change in attitude toward him felt totally natural and your guilds' reaction to it was even better. I wonder who the masked person is! GAH I NEED TO KNOW. I love how Crystal noted that the tasks aren't as dangerous because of Evina - YES. You have SIGNIFICANTLY improved your punctuation. NO PUNCTUATION MISTAKES WITH THE DIALOGUE IN YOUR ENTIRE ENTRY WOOO HOOO. I'm so amazed, as you can tell, haha. You started off descriptive with your obstacles, and even though I didn't take off for it, the last one was confusing for me to picture, but technically nothing was wrong grammatically or with your descriptions. You also started to have a few grammar mistakes toward the end, mostly accidentally capitalized words when they weren't supposed to be, but HEY I AM PROUD BECAUSE YOU FIGURED OUT HOW DIALOGUE WORKS. Also, I want to point out that you and Sayid didn't really fight during the course like you were supposed to, but you were also in a hurry to finish writing this, so I kind of understand.

D-Willy45,

-1 for punctuation

-0.6 for grammar

-0.3 for spelling

-0.3 for sentence structure

1.5 on the writing maturity scale, resulting in a 0.5 point deduction

SCORE: 9.3

I loved the quiet moment with Kean in the beginning as (the character who's POV it was from was unmentioned) sat with Conan. I loved the interactions with Kean though. BRAITH FEELS. OMG. I'm almost starting to ship Silva and Conan already! WOO. Also, nice tidbit at the end with the Gamemakers. Technically, you're not allowed to do that, but I've given other people a freebie to do it once. Just make note of it for future references! :) Great job!

You both included a scene about what the Gamemakers discussed. Both of you included interactions with your guilds. D-WIlly, I liked your scene with Kean in the intro, and like I mentioned before, the bit at the end with the Gamemakers was also enjoyable to read (just no more freebies on that one). Both of you included the obstacle course and both of you didn't include your opponents using magic to try to get each other off. So you're both pretty evenly matched. This was a difficult choice, but in the end, the winner is... Katie! The reason being that you had less syntax errors, but I enjoyed reading both of your entries quite well, so great job! :)

Several7s and jesusfreak202,

We both win an automatic 5 points on our guild rankings, I won immunity, so I win another 5 for that, and my entry impressed my husband (aka my judge) to receive the extra 5. I also included a scene on what the Gamemakers discussed with my guild (aka Kyren's condition), so I recieve an extra 7 points for it since it was lengthy. We also partnered together and handed in one entry because of an award perk, so our single score is:

SCORE: 12 (which means we receive all 10 points for both our guilds)

EXTRA STUFF:

Ariel, Katie, and Jester, between all of you (for an award perk you received), I have decided which of you gets 3 points, 2, and 1 point. JesterheadJohnSnow, you will receive an extra 3 points. Ariel_paiment1, you will receive an extra 2 points, and Katie387750, you will receive an extra 1 point.