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Kirby rant

Ok, so I've been wanting to post a rant about new Kirby games ever since Planet Robobot came out. That game really disappointed me.

But, instead of just complaining about the newer Kirby games (by "newer Kirby games" I mean anything made after 2006 (so all games after Squeak Squad)) I'll also list what I want in the next game!

So, here's the list of things I dislike about new Kirby games, and why. Enjoy.

1. Game is too slow.

My first reaction to Planet Robobot was "is this in slow motion?". The new Kirby games have been slowed down so much. After about a week of Robobot, I went back to Amazing Mirror. And it felt like the first time I played Melee after playing Brawl for years (actually, I think KatAM runs at the same speed as Melee). Kirby's running speed has been slowed down so much. Robobot made me want to use Wheel all the time.

2. Nintendo trying to "be creative" and adding in random mechanics that break the game

Ok, this started with Epic Yarn (a game where it is IMPOSSIBLE TO LOSE. Seriously, not even the final boss can get a hit on you). Kirby games have been getting easier and easier, and it is mainly thanks to overpowered game mechanics.

Super abilities in Return to Dreamland were broken, but at least they were limited use and you could solve puzzles with them. Then Triple Deluxe's overpowered Hypernova. And dodging and airdodging. The return of guarding. Robobot armour.

Ok Nintendo you can stop now!

Not every game has to be new and creative. If a game is fun, why bother changing it so much? The older Kirby games were fine. I mean, it's ok to change the game, that's what spin-offs are for (and I'd like to see a 3d Kirby game), but I think these new mechanics are just useless. Most of them feel laggy and annoying, and you have to keep watching the same unskippable cutscene over and over whenever you use it (in Return to Dreamland).

The Robobot armour was broken and very slow (somehow still faster than normal Kirby though. Lol). The controls were annoying (B controlled nearly everything you could do) and it was very hard to keep the same ability.

3. Everyone has too much health and the boss fights go on for hours

I spent 40 minutes fighting Marx Soul the first time I tried (I won though). The reason why? That stupidly high health bar (also annoying hit boxes. It took me a while to figure out that I could touch the wings without getting hit). But since he is the final boss, that wasn't too bad.

Since KatAM, Kirby's health bar has more than doubled. And so have the bosses. Everything but the Waddle Dee's seem to have more health now. This makes the game seem even slower than it actually is.

The bosses' have huge health bars (seriously? WHY DOES CLANKY WOODS HAVE MORE HEALTH THAN NIGHTMARE?) And there's way too many phases in each fight (I DO NOT want to watch a cutscene every time Susie spins in her Robobot). I preferred when boss fights were short and intense. Now, all of them feel long and boring.

4. The broken new Copy Abilities and no Copy Ability balance

Ok, the abilities added in Triple Deluxe and Planet Robobot (except Doctor) are broken. Especially Archer and ESP. And I hate having to use an ability just because "it's broken and it's the only way to beat the true arena".

I really hate the new abilities. Archer should have been Cupid. That wasn't broken.

Water, Leaf and Spear were all really fun to use. Whip.... not so much. The controls are weird.

Also, there isn't any balance with the current copy abilities! Stone and Hammer are way better than the rest.

I think the best game for Copy Ability balance is Squeak Squad. Stone is removed, and Hammer isn't very broken. I really enjoyed playing through the boss endurance mode with all my favorite abilities (Fire Sword, Hi-Jump, Tornado). Also bring back Hi-Jump and Tornado! And Burning as well!

Also, the older copy abilities have extra modes added for some reason. I mean, everyone only uses one move most of the time, do what's the point? Although that isn't that bad. The new hats are stupid. Why did they change Mirror's hat? It was fine! Who cares if two abilities have the same hat?

5. The music

Ok. I cannot hear one more remix of Green Greens or Fountain of Dreams/Gourmet race. Those songs are really starting to annoy me now. I mean, they are still good, but seriously, remix something else! (Amazing Mirror's boss battle theme?)

Planet Robobot's entire main game soundtrack is pretty much the same song remixed at least 100 times. It gets very annoying. And I played the whole of Epic Yarn muted because the music and voices were so annoying.

6. The characters

I really don't like the new Kirby. He's always angry throughout the game now, and the new voice clips are very annoying. Why does he have the same voice clips as Susie and Sectonia?

Also, why is Dedede suddenly good now? And same with MK. I mean, how did he lose at the beginning of Robobot? That ship destroyed a Nova but explodes after getting hit by one laser? Also when did he manage to fix it?

Then there's Susie, Magolor, Taranza, etc. They either are bad, then turn good, or pretend to be good, or turn bad. It's getting very boring and predicable now.

Also, bring back creepy final bosses like Zero or Dark Mind! Why is the final boss of Robobot just a clock with a cat face?

7. The graphics

I miss sprites :(.

8. The level design

The levels go on for ages! And there aren't enough worlds! KatAM had 11 different worlds to explore, and most of them were huge. In the new games, there are less levels than Kirby's adventure! And they go on for so long, you really get bored by the end.

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Ok, that was a long rant. But I really don't like new Kirby games XD.

Did anyone read to the end of it?

Well, here's what I would like the next Kirby game to be like:

9 levels, each with shorter stages. Kirby is happy and has voice clips from Brawl. Hammer is nerfed. Story is ok and makes sense. The game allows you to explore the world like KatAM, except in Dream Land. Creepy final boss. No Magolor or Taranza like characters. No new mechanics that break the game. Dedede removed (I find him annoying, but I wouldn't mind that much if he was in the game, as long as he's a boss and not a playable character).

That subgame where you hit bombs at each other with tennis rackets should return! Also the wave ride and the grind rail racing one! Also, no remix of Green Greens (I don't mind Fountain of Dreams as much). Instead of new copy abilities (they are seriously running out of ideas), older ones are brought back (Light, Clean and Metal can return XD). Kirby and bosses have reduced health. Airdodging and dodging are removed. Ability scrolls are back, and so are spray paints and the other things you find in KatAM/Squeak Squad treasure chests. The game is non-linear.

And the game should be sped up!

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Ok why is this longer than nearly all the chapters in my actual stories.

.........

Please comment and tell me what you thought, and if you agree or not. I don't mind if you don't, the new games aren't that bad, and I still enjoy playing them. But I still play Planet Robobot and Epic Yarn sometimes for fun. But I sold my Return to Dreamland and Triple Deluxe. Although I would like to replay Return to Dreamland again.

Anyway, hope you enjoyed the rant! Idk what else to say.