The Walking Dead Imagines (Requests OPEN)

[Rick Grimes] A Confident Killer

PROMPT
You're not the same as Rick and his ethics. You love him- but when he does things like butcher a group to blood and gore, it scares you. You're just not as comfortable with killing as Rick is- and that might put a divider in your relationship.
[idea by BeckySilva1, set after episode 5:03]

"You okay?" You heard Rick call, from the front of the Church. You sat underneath a tree, hands shaking, dripping with blood.
"Fine." You sternly said, your voice audibly shaky as well.
"Are you hurt?" He asked, sliding down onto the ground beside you. You flinched, inching away. Blood stained his shirt, his face and his hands.
"I'm fine." You repeated, your voice even more shaken.
You stand up, distancing yourself from Rick. You loved him- you just couldn't stand to be near him at the moment.

The way he had butchered those Terminus people- so effortlessly and so cruelly, it scared you. You had your gun pointed right at one of them, you could have shot him- ended it easily. It wouldn't have been nice for you- but it was what needed to be done. That, you knew. It all would have been over with one gunshot, yet Rick took his machete to the man and butchered him to gore right in front of you. With every hit, blood sprayed on to you- and you just stared at him. He had taken a life so easily- and prolonged the experience so effortlessly. You could almost say he enjoyed it.

Complete horror. That was the only thing that came to mind when you thought of it. Enjoying it? That was something you felt was even worse than the walkers. You still believed all life was precious. Yes, you'd kill if it came to it- but you'd do it quickly. You'd do it with fear and sadness. Never, NEVER with enjoyment. That was all kinds of wrong.

You entered the church from the back door. That way you weren't stepping over brain fragments and bloodied human mess. Inside, Maggie sat down, with her head in her hands. She looked up as you crept in and gave you a slight smile.
"Hey." She gleamed, tucking hair behind her ear. "How're you doing?"
You sighed heavily, your hands still shaking. You were scared of Rick. That was the truth. Scared of what he'd become.
"You want the truth, or an 'okay'?" You ask. She reaches out, touching your hand and then sitting straighter.
"The truth, Y/n. Tell me the truth."
"I'm scared of him." You trembled, your hands settling. You resisted the temptation to cry. "Maybe it's just the shock. Maybe I'm not really even feeling this way. I just know...that I couldn't sit next to him for more than a minute without feeling sick."
She stared at you for a second, and you started feeling guilty.
"I get it." Maggie finally said.
"What?"
"I get it. You're scared."
You creased your brows and sighed.
"When I...when I was little...we used to play this game. You'd take your partners hand and squeeze it really tight. When it got too painful, you'd scream mercy, and your partner would let go. The first one to let go would lose."
Maggie gulped.
"Y/n. Why are you telling me this?"
"Because I would always lose. The kids wouldn't play with me because I'd never squeeze them hard enough. I'd never be able to hurt someone for fun- as a game. I couldn't stand to think of some poor kid squirming under me and calling for mercy." your eyes teared up. "I swear, last night, that man begged for mercy. He begged for mercy and Rick didn't let go." You trembled, your heart beating fast.
"He did what he had to do. You understand that right?"
You nodded, quickly wiping away the tear as it trickled down.
"Kill them?" You nodded faster. "I'd have killed them too. I understand it. I don't like it but I understand it." You held up your finger. "One shot and it's all gone. Over."
"You don't get to chose how it's done Y/n." Maggie whispered, grazing her finger over her gun.
"Rick did what he did so those men would never lay a hand on you and his family again. You know that. God forbid he enjoyed killing the man that hurt you. You know how it would have ended. He is still the man you love. Still. Only he'll do anything to protect you whether he likes it or not."
You suck it up, nodding despite wanting to shrink up and cry.
She was right. Maybe the thing that scared you the most was that the reason he did what he did- was out of love.
Oh, how twisted the world now was.

You squeezed Maggie's shoulder and stood up, wiping your sweaty palms on your jeans.
Outside stood Rick, and you approached him, the fear and ache settling in your chest.
"Rick?" You called, he turned around, his face relaxing as he saw you.
"Can we talk?"
He nodded, walking over to you. He led you by the waist to the side of the church.
"I'm sorry." You blabbered. "I'm sorry that I left back there. Just- what happened in the church...I'm still not one hundred percent okay with it. I just don't have the same mind-set as you and that's alright- but I want you to know that I don't blame you."
He was still for a second before slowly nodding.
He didn't say anything- after all, what was there to say?
"You don't have to be." He replied, his voice deep and pained. He, himself, didn't sound one hundred percent okay.
"What?"
"You don't have to be okay with it." He fumbled with his hands. "I do the things I do so nobody else has to. That's the thing with bein' a leader. You bear it so your people don't have to. You'd have shot him. I know you would have. You wouldn't have liked it. You would have dwelled on it- felt awful about it. So I bear it for you- and that's okay." He reached out his hand and grazed it against your cheek. You took it off your face, squeezing his hand. Then, he wrapped his arms around you and enveloped you in a hug. It felt good. It felt right. You felt right back where you belonged.
All odd feelings faded.

After all, Rick was a man looking out for his kids, the woman he loved and his group.

He would do the nasty, bloody jobs. He would do it so you didn't need too. Because nobody understood how afraid of killing you were better than him- and he'd rather be looked at in fear than have you look at yourself in fear.

Because that was the man Rick was.