The ultimate joke book

Insults

The picture

It's hard to get the big picture when you have such a small screen.

Bodies

I've come across decomposed bodies that are less offensive than you are.

One nerve

I've only got one nerve left, and you're getting on it.

Admission

I've seen people like you, but I had to pay admission!

The 'old' saying

Judging by the old saying, "What you don't know can't hurt you," he's practically invulnerable.

Intelligent

Keep talking, someday you'll say something intelligent!

Yawning

Keep talking. I always yawn when I'm interested.

Use birth control

Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control!

Lets play horse

Let's play horse. I'll be the front end and you be yourself.

Lets play horse 2

Let's play house. You be the door and I'll slam you.

Mind reader

Look, don't go to a mind reader; go to a palmist; I know you've got a palm.

Mental note

Make a mental note . . . oh, I see you're out of paper!

Making someone happy

Make somebody happy. Mind your own business.

A wish

Man alive! But I wish you weren't.

Total darkness

Moonlight becomes you - total darkness even more!

Never...

Never enter a battle of wits unarmed.

Sixteen years  old

Nobody says that you are dumb. They just say you were sixteen years old before you learned how to wave good-bye.

Go away

Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time.

Ordinary people

Ordinarily people live and learn. You just live.

Pardon me

Pardon me, but you've obviously mistaken me for someone who gives a damn.

Absolutely nothing

People can't say that you have absolutely nothing! After all, you have inferiority!

People clap...

People clap when they see you - their hands over their eyes or ears.

Outspoken

People say that you are outspoken but not by anyone that I know of.

Perfect idiot

People say that you are the perfect idiot. I say that you are not perfect but you are doing all right.