Wires | Darth Vader/Anakin Skywalker |

Thirteen

//For once I don't really have an authors note other than i hope the break will be short. Also, i see a lot of errors in chapter twelve, mainly because i was half awake and tripping balls on a fever high. I will go back and edit them. I hope you like this chapter. Remember to Vote/heart and comment!//

Working while Abilene was on Anakin's mind was not something he enjoyed doing. It distracted him greatly, and everyone knew it. Though, he would not let it soften him. He acted; like he was strong, he would strangle anyone who doubted him; like he was cold, he would show no mercy; like he was not conflicted, the dark side was all he ever wanted. That much was not true. He wished he was okay. He wished he stayed at home, with Obi Wan; with his children. Palpatine told him it was a phase, that he would soon come to his senses and forget about them. Or simply, remember them and fuel his anger. He could not forget. He could not forget Padme, Obi wan, the younglings, Yoda, there screams, the look on their faces as the realized what he had done, the stench of death that lurked at the temple days-weeks-months after the incident had happened, the way Obi Wan still held on to hope. What would he say if he found out that he was having second thoughts? It wasn't something Darth Vader wanted to think about. Not now. It was far too late for this. If he wanted to go back, he should have thought about that before killing the rest of the Jedi; all but Obi Wan and Yoda. He couldn't do it.

Abilene wasn't the only thing making work difficult for Anakin. He was finding that he was addressing himself internally as "Anakin" more often, rather than Vader. He was finding that he was thinking more peacefully and civilized. He was finding himself making more trips to his meditative chambers throughout the day so that he could remove his armor and pretend like he was actually OKAY. He would go there just to feel like maybe none of it had happened and he was actually back with Padme- or even back on Tatooine with Abilene. Nothing in the empire felt at home, and that scared Anakin.

While Anakin was feeling sorry for himself, Abilene was trying to make peace with the world. She tried to forgive everyone- Anakin, the empire, even Palpatine. She tried to find peace in herself, zen, serenity, anything that would make this living hell any less excruciating. She tried to get out more, to just sit down with a few workers and talk; To build any sort of relationship with anyone. But many were closed off, and many were raised to believe that any sort of acquaintanceship was illogical and not needed. Though Abilene was raised the same, she was very different. She felt things deeper than most people, and was very... emotional, whereas most of the leaders and workers of the Empire are cold and heartless.

During Abilene's search for any sort of human relationship, she had gathered information on TIE fighters and other ships that were constantly leaving and returning. She journaled the schedule of their take off and return, and the amount of time in between each take off. From what she heard from different Pilot's, they were very closely monitored with high security. They were constantly overseed and there was no blind sides in any part of the take off area. The only place Abilene could ever think of escaping was through an escape pod. If she actually tried flying a TIE, there was no chance in her making it out of there alive. Unless there was some sort of distraction. A huge distraction. The only way she could cause such a large diversion was if she had help from someone, and the only person she was close enough to to help her was Anakin. She knew better than to talk about it with him, if she ever had a chance to talk with him. He was very high up in the Empire, and would not take so kindly to betrayers and deserters. Even if she had talked to him many times about getting out and exploring the universe, that was before. It was only a petty dream, a fantasy; that's what he believed. He never took her too seriously. Abilene was in fact, very serious. She could not do this alone, she needed someone to guide her, to encourage her. She felt like she would give up if no one was there to stop her from doing so. It was times like these that made Abilene furious with Anakin. Why couldn't she just talk to him? She was terrified of him now, after what Palpatine had told her, and after all of those insufferable nightmares. She wish she could hold him one last time. If she had known that time in his room would be their last, she would have savored it; soaked it all in. Now it has gone and he has slipped through her fingers. She was determined to catch him.

It was now the fourth month since Anakin almost died, Abilene still did not know why. Though, she had a feeling it had something to do with the nightmares. She had only spotted "Darth Vader" a few times in the corridors, but they had both pretend as though they did not see each other; it was killing them. They both wanted to say a many thing to each other. Only god and Palpatine knew what Anakin was feeling. Hell, everyone seemed to know except the person whom he wanted to know. He tried to work up the courage to talk to her (in privacy, obviously. He would have to try to the best of his abilities to block Palpatine out), but he always backed out before he could stop her in the hallway. God knows he tried. It was just not in him. He prayed to the unknown that she would forgive him. He prayed that what he dreaded would not come. His hands shook and his lungs tightened whenever he thought about what he had to do. Palpatine had not been pressuring him about it, but it only made it worse. Palpatine was giving him time, letting it sink in. He would have to do it on his own accord, and that was much much worse. He began to hate touching his lightsabre, let alone igniting it. He began to dread his meetings with Palpatine, and his training. Hiding away in his sanctuaries became an almost hourly thing. People would start to notice, and Anakin could not afford that. It was enough that he was a knight on the light side, he did not need people thinking that he was going soft; or worse, that he was having second thoughts. There were many times where Anakin found himself wondering if he did what was right. Hell, he couldn't stop thinking about it. All of those children. He would never forget them; their laughter, their eyes, their faces, their smiles, their voices. He kept telling himself that it was normal, that everyone thought like that. But something nagged on the back of his conscience; you can't wait forever. He knew it would come, and that it had to be soon. He wished he had someone to talk about it to. Someone he could confide in. Anakin knew that if anyone would listen to him, it would be Abilene. Thinking it through, he knew tht he couldn't do it. He couldn't put that kind of weight on Abilene. Stressing too much already, the weight of the fate of her own demise would surly be the end of her. Perhaps then it wouldn't have to be by Anakin's own hand. If somehow he could avoid becoming the fucking grimm reaper, Anakin would be the happiest sith in the galaxy. Palpatine reminded him every time that they spoke that he was becoming stronger, and Anakin thought that he was lying. How was he becoming stronger? He was constantly battling himself; over Abilene, over Obi-Wan, over Padme, Over light and dark. Between the two, Anakin was grey. He hated it. He hated everything about it. There were times where he could not control his anger, and he had to lock himself in one of his sanctuaries just so that he wouldn't kill someone out of pure fury. He became afraid of himself, afraid of what he could do. He was afraid he would actually hurt Abilene, or himself for that matter. He hated that he was afraid. He hated that he was angry, he hated that he hated. Perhaps that was what Palpatine meant; perhaps that is what he always intended- to fuel his anger, and turn him into a monster. From Anakin's point of view, it seemed to be working.

//I was listening to Lana Del Rey like the whole time i wrote this lmao//