Wires | Darth Vader/Anakin Skywalker |

Ten

//Sorry if this isn't good. I had an orchestra concert yesterday, and I was pretty tired when I got home and I had cramps and I couldnt eat chocolate bc I'm trying to eat healthier and lose a bit of weight D: . So I was like a forth angry, a forth sad, and half sleepy when I wrote this....Also, I'm experimenting with third person, so bare with me if this isnt very good...I guess this kind of turned poetic in the end...........I don't know what i'm doing fml i don't know a f cuking thing my guy.//

The days went on impossibly slow. Abilene rarely left her room, and Chancellor Palpetine was grateful for that. Abilene had no contact with Anakin since she last visited him in the hospital wing, and it was breaking her heart. She didn't care if he wore the armor or not, or if he pretended to be stronger that he was, she just wanted to be in his presence. Whether it was Darth Vader or Anakin, she just wanted to know that he was doing okay without her.

Anakin was slipping. Not from life, but from the light. Even more so than before. What ever progress Abilene had made, was fading. And the darkness was building. Anakin hardly felt any remorse at all. He felt nothing when he was told he was unable to see Abilene. He felt betrayed when Chancellor thought he was becoming weak, and he vowed to let nothing get in his way. The bridge between Anakin and Darth Vader was rotting, and he was both afraid and joyous. He could feel the gentle work of Abilene in everything he did; he would think before doing things, in a way that he would even question killing someone he thought deserved it. He hated that she was changing him. If he changed so soon, then much would have been in vain, and Darth Vader was not one for giving up so easily. The sheer fact that Abilene had been with him in his past made Darth Vader's skin crawl, but it made Anakin's eyes light up. He was torn, so deeply that not even cloned skin could cover the wound. Palpetine could see it, and so could Abilene. Abilene cried for Anakin; he was far too young to be so cold, so unforgiving. So torn. She tried to fix him, she tried so hard, but he was just destroying her. She held on to hope like it was the only thing keeping the noose from tightening around her neck. Her lungs were heavy with the weight she held off of Anakin's shoulders. She willed him to be at peace, she wanted to bear his cross so he didn't have to carry so much weight. She wanted him to be happy, but for him to be happy, she would have to let him become the thing she feared. She hated it, and she hated him for it. She hated that she cried over him. She hated that months passed with out a single thing changing. She hated that he was slipping through her fingers. She hated that he could remember her face anymore. She hated not being able to do anything about it.

Anakin was raging a war that no one but Abilene and Palpetine could see and understand- no, neither of them could understand. The weight of death, guilt, and confusion made it even harder for him to breathe. He hated the helmet that haunted Abilene's dreams, he hated the voice that came when he spoke. It was fake, it was fake. In truth, the voice he spoke with was little, but could not be silenced, and he never let it be. Truth was blocked from thought whenever he did the unforgivable, and he refused to think about their family. About how they weren't going to be home for dinner. He refused to think about how that probably when happened to many of the people killed in the war that he took part in, even if they were on the other side, they still had a family somewhere. They still had someone that cared about them. He wondered if that's how Abilene felt. He knew that he had been the closest thing to a friend that she has ever had, and now that they were apart, he was a good as gone. He could see it, and so could she. He hated her for it, for knowing without needing confirmation. He hated that she was right. He hated that he was destroying her. He was angry. At Palpetine; at Abilene; at Obi Wan; at the Empire; at everyone. He hated that he was weak, he hated that he was soft, he hated that he could do it. He hated having people stare at him. He hated that he could hold a fucking conversation with someone without them thinking was going to strangle them for not using proper fucking grammar. He hated having to be perfect, to be professional. He hated that Obi Wan was right. He hated that he wished he could go home. He hated that he knew that he made a mistake.

On one fateful day, Abilene had left her room. Walking through the corridor, she kept her eyes low. She knew she looked awful, she knew she looked tired. It seemed to be all she was feeling lately; tired. She kept her hands in her pockets and her eyes on the ground. She shouldered those who did not get out of her way, and walked straight into someone. Her heart dropped when she recognized the boots. She looked up and her voice came out strained. "I'm sorry.." He stared down at her, wordlessly. Some stopped and held their breath, some stared. She was frozen their, she dared not move. The only sound that could be heard was his mechanical breathing. The sound itself made anxiety trickle into her mind and heart. He said nothing as he pushed past her and kept walking. Everything unfroze, and the usual bustle continued. Some people whispered among themselves, and the paranoia that haunted the space in Abilene's heart told her that they were talking about her. She turned around and walked back to her room.

Darth Vader hated that he cried. He hated that he was physically capable of creating tears. He hated that he cried about her. He hated that he terrified her. He hated her.

She hated him. She hated that he didn't react to her, to seeing her for the first time since months prior. She hated that she cared about him. She hated that she ever met him. She hated that she couldn't hate him.