The music played loudly in the background as you slammed the small glass down on the counter. You glanced around the club and scrunched your nose up in distaste. You didn't particularly enjoy being surrounded by large groups of people which is why the club was usually the last place you'd ever go. The only reason you were now sitting on a bar stool at the bar is because your best friend had forcibly dragged you out. She had figured it was a good idea to get you out and keep you preoccupied so your mind wouldn't have time to wander but within the first couple of minutes you had lost her in the crowd of sweaty bodies.
"Another," you ordered the bartender.
He looked at you skeptically, "are you sure?"
Your eyes narrowed at him and if looks could kill he'd be dead.
He sighed irritatedly, "look, I just don't think it's a good idea. You don't exactly seem to be in the right state of mind and the last thing I need is a passed out drunk. Are you sure you're fine?" He questioned again.
"I'm fine," you told him harshly in between gritted teeth. He nodded his head curtly.
Any other day you would be ashamed by your behaviour but not today. The memories were too strong. It had been exactly a year but that day had scarred you more than you'd ever care to admit. You needed this. More than any other day, today you needed to be numbed. But in the back of your head you knew. You knew that the alcohol would never be enough. No matter what you did the painful memory would only fade with time.
You squeezed the small glass in your hands as you involuntarily re-lived that day.
-
"Thank you," you told the taxi driver as you slammed the door shut.
You readjusted your hat and wrapped your scarf tighter, attempting to shield yourself from the rapid fall of snowflakes. You inwardly cursed. You were late. You knew Yoongi wouldn't mind but you couldn't help but feel bad for making him wait outside in such harsh weather.
The snow crunched beneath your feet as you scurried to get to where the two of you had decided to meet, admiring the lights that neatly adorned the city along the way. Your footsteps slowed as you neared the giant clock situated in the middle of the city. You looked around and made your way around the mass of people. Yoongi was nowhere in sight. You moved to a fairly empty spot and decided that it was best to call him.
You pulled out your phone from your coat pocket and dialed his number, only to be met by an automated voicemail. He must've not noticed his phone ringing with so many people around, you thought. Not sensing anything wrong, you dialed again.
He picked up on the third ring, "hello."
"Hey, sorry I'm late! Where are you?" you asked as you went on your tippy toes trying to catch a glimpse of him.
He didn't respond.
"Yoongi? You there?" you asked. You heard him sigh.
Your eyebrows scrunched together in concern, "Yoongi? Is everything okay?"
"Y/N there's something I need to tell you," his tone was more serious than usual.
"What is it?" You asked your concern increasing.
You heard him release a shaky breath.
Your stomach had begun to sink, "Yoongi what's wrong? Whatever it is you can te-."
"Stop. Don't talk, just listen," he said, but despite his attempt to sound emotionless you could still hear the slight desperation in voice.
You nodded your head knowing he wouldn't see it and bit your lip nervously.
"Let's break up."
Your eyes widened, and it took you a couple of seconds to fully registered what he had said. You could feel your heart slowly beginning to break as you finally understood.
"W-what?" you asked breathlessly.
"Let's break up," he repeated a little more harshly this time.
You swiped furiously at the first set of tears that had begun to fall without your consent. You were heartbroken but above all, you were confused and frustrated.
"Yoongi, what the hell? Where is this coming from?"
The line went flat.
Before you even realized what you were doing your feet had already begun to move and your hand was already reaching out to catch the attention of any oncoming taxi.
You sat silently the whole car drive to BTS's dorm. After paying the driver you slammed the door shut and made your way to the door. In the back of your head you knew you should've waited a few days until talking. You weren't thinking straight but your feet continued to move. You took a deep breath as you neared the door and hesitated before knocking.
You were afraid you had knocked on the wrong door when an unfamiliar girl in her early twenties opened the door.
"Hello," she said cheerfully as she looked at you.
"Oh- hello," you said a bit confused but you're confusion was quickly wiped away as you noticed Yoongi approaching the door.
"Y/N?" Yoongi called out surprised.
Earlier this week the boys had told you that they were going out for New Years meaning that no one would be home. Your eyes began to narrow as you started putting all the pieces together and being in the state that you were in, you came to worst possible conclusion.
As if reading your mind Yoongi opened his mouth to explain but before he could say anything his voice was drowned out by the loud crackling of fireworks signalling the start of the new year.
Your hands balled into fists as you began to take a step back.
Yoongi made an attempt to follow, "Y/N, wa-"
You held up a hand hoping he'd understand that you didn't want him near you, "no it's okay. I understand."
Yoongi opened his mouth again before reluctantly closing it.
You could feel yourself slowly starting to give in to the hurt. You closed eyes trying your hardest not to cry in front of them. After a couple of seconds, you opened your eyes and glanced at the fireworks before turning back to face them, "Happy New Year."
-
You were drawn back from the memory by the sound of a glass hitting the counter. You looked at the drink that had just been placed in front of you. Is he even worth this, you asked yourself. You silently cursed at him as you picked up the glass but just as you were about to drink it you felt your phone begin to vibrate against your thighs. You glanced down to see who it was. You raised your eyebrows, not recognizing the number and wondered whether to pick up or not. In the end, your curiosity got the best of you. You swiped right to take the call and held the phone close to your ear.
"Hello," you shouted hoping whoever it was would hear you over the music.
"Y/N," you heard a familiar voice slur.
Your heart stopped and you barely stopped yourself from dropping your phone. Out of anyone who could've called you today you least expected it'd be Yoongi. You were conflicted. You were both angry that he'd have the audacity to call you today of all days and in a strange way also relieved.
"Give me a second," you told him trying to make your voice as hard as possible.
Despite the inner emotional war happening inside of you, you couldn't deny the fact that you had missed his voice a lot more than you had originally thought you had. You hopped of the bar stool and quickly began to weave your way through the crowd until you got to the club's washroom.
You leaned against the wall, "okay, talk."
"I didn't think you would pick up to be honest," he admitted.
You rolled your eyes, "then why did you call?"
"I missed you," he confessed, his words barely recognizable due to his strong slur.
"Yoongi are you drunk?" You asked.
He let out a giggle. Oh yeah definitely drunk, you thought to yourself.
"A little-I mean maybe a lot. I don't know how many drinks I've had."
You sighed, "listen I-" you stopped as you heard a loud thump coming from the other end of the phone.
You wish you didn't but immediately you began to worry, "Yoongi? Yoongi!"
Just as you contemplated hanging up, someone else picked up the phone.
"Hello? The owner of this phone just collapsed. Is there anyway you can come pick him up?" A man said through the other line.
"I-um"
"Are you his girlfriend?"
You hesitated before answering and immediately bit the inside of your cheek from the lie, "I am."
"Okay that makes things easier. Here let me just give you the address of the bar."
-
You're pathetic, you thought to yourself as you walked into the bar. You looked around until your eyes laid on Yoongi's slump figure near the back. You paused, asking yourself whether it was your place to help him or not. Shouldn't his actual girlfriend be here, you thought bitterly. As you walked towards him, you noticed the bartender approach you.
"Are you the woman I talked with earlier?" He asked. You assumed he was the one that had picked up Yoongi's phone after collapsing. You nodded your head and crouched down trying to shake Yoongi awake.
"I don't think he'll be waking up anytime soon he had quite a lot to drink," the man informed you.
You silently nodded your head and began trying to hull Yoongi's body towards the entrance of the bar.
"Here let me help you," the man offered.
"Thank you," you said gratefully. Yoongi weighed a lot more than you had thought. Where do I take him, you pondered after the man had helped you sit him on a bench outside.
You blew on your hands, trying to keep them warm as you waited for a taxi to pass by. You glanced sideways and noticed Yoongi's jacket was unzipped. Without thinking, you leaned down in front of him and began to zip it back up. Just as you had finished, you felt a hand rest against your cheek. You looked up startled and saw that Yoongi's eyes had slightly opened, a soft smile now playing on his lips. You abruptly got up not comfortable with the contact. You ignored him as you continued to look out for a taxi. You heaved a sigh of relief as you saw one near. You waved out your hand trying to get it's attention.
You turned back to Yoongi who was still half-awake, "can you walk yourself? Or do you need help?"
As he attempted to get up he instantly started swaying. You rushed to him, putting your arm around his shoulder and guided him inside that taxi.
"Why did you drink so much?" You wondered out loud, not expecting him to answer.
"I knew I wouldn't be able to call you otherwise," he answered, trying his best to stay awake.
His reply surprised you, and you felt your stomach tie in knots. You didn't say anything as you gently laid his head on your lap causing his eyes to slightly widen.
"Just sleep," you whispered.
Not knowing where else to take him, you directed the taxi driver back to your house.
-
Yoongi was asleep as you tucked him into your bed or so you thought. Just as you were about to leave he reached out and gently grabbed your arm.
You refused to turn around but you also didn't have the strength to pull away.
"They told me to break up with you," he said weakly.
You spun around, but his hand had gone limp. He was out cold.
You walked to your living room and made yourself comfortable on the couch. Who told him to break up with me?
You barely got any sleep that night, his words keeping you up for the majority of the night.
-
As morning approached you were awoken by a slight headache. You silently thanked the heavens that you hadn't drank enough to experience a full blown hangover.
Knowing for sure that Yoongi would be in a worse condition than you, you got up and headed to your kitchen filling a glass of water and looking for some pills that would calm his headache when he woke up. You gingerly walked into the bedroom not wanting to wake him up. You laid the water and pills on the nightstand and gathered some clothes as you walked out. You headed into the bathroom to take a shower.
Your mind kept wandering back to his words. You shook your head hoping it'd stop.
Just as you made your way out of the bathroom, Yoongi came out of your bedroom.
The two of you froze as you made eye contact. Silence hung in the air for a couple of moments.
"Y/N..."Yoongi trailed off not knowing where to start.
You cleared your throat, "are you hungry?"
"We need to talk."
"We can talk after we've both eaten," you said trying to avoid the conversation for as long as you could.
He nodded his head in agreement and followed you into the kitchen.
"Do you need help?" He asked as you started pulling ingredients out of the fridge.
You shook your head, " it's okay, you can wait in the living room."
"Y/N we really should ta-"
"I know just please not right now," you nearly begged, you were afraid of what he would say.
He respected your decision and left to your living room.
After the two of you had finished eating, you were met by silence again.
You took a deep breath, "go."
"What?" he asked confused.
"You wanted to talk? Okay. Then talk."
"I didn't want to break up with you," he began, his voice cracking a bit.
Your eyes only hardened, "I find that hard to believe considering the fact that you already had another girl a few minutes after breaking up."
He ran a hand through his hair, "that was a misunderstanding."
"What do you mean?"
"The girl that opened the door? That was my cousin."
"I-uh-what?" You stuttered.
"You didn't let me explain. By the time I was going to, you had already come to your own conclusion in your mind and I knew you wouldn't believe me," he explained.
"So you expect me to believe it now?" you asked coldly.
He sighed, "of course not but it's the truth."
You wanted to believe he was being sincere, you needed to believe that he was telling the truth, "fine. Let's say it was your cousin. That still doesn't explain why you broke up with me. It came out of nowhere Yoongi. Do you know how much time I spent trying to figure out what I did wrong?"
"You didn't do anything wrong," he whispered, looking down.
"Then why," your voice slightly raised, "why did you break my heart?"
He looked up at you his eyes mirroring the same pain you felt, "there's not a good enough excuse."
"I don't care. Yesterday night you said something about others telling you to break up with me."
He hesitated, " the members told me that it was better to break-up with you. They warned me that if we went public you would receive a lot of backlash for it and I didn't want to see that happen."
You scoffed, "are you serious?"
"What do you mean?"
"Is that seriously the only reason you broke up with me?"
He nodded his head not being able to look you in the eye, " yes."
You nearly slammed your hand on the table, "Yoongi what the hell! You made me cry because of something so small?"
"It wasn't small to me. Y/N, I didn't want to see you receive nasty comments. I already receive some just for being an idol. I didn't want that for you."
Your whole demeanour began to soften, "that wasn't just your decision to make."
"I'm sorry," you could tell from his voice that he really regretted what he did.
"Why did you have to wait a year to tell me?" You asked knowing that all of this could've been solved if he had just told you sooner.
"I couldn't face you. I felt like a coward for leaving someone I really loved," he looked deeply into your eyes, " who I still love for something so pitiful."
"I don't know what to say," you admitted. It was a lot to take in and you knew you had already forgiven him. You couldn't help it, you hadn't stopped loving him and if anything your love had only grown. You were touched that he had done it to try to protect you but you also wanted to slap him for being so stupid. If only he had talked to you about it, it would have never become something so big.
He looked at you with hopeful eyes, "I really am sorry Y/N."
"I know," you ensured him giving him a small smile.
"I know this is sudden and-and" he hesitated, "I don't expect you to say yes or anything and hell I don't even deserve it, but- um would you ever consider getting back together?"
You could tell it took a lot for him to ask. Yoongi was hardly ever so flustered when he spoke. Already having made your decision a couple of minutes ago, you reached out and interlocked your hand with his.
"There's nothing I'd want more," you told him breaking out into a smile.
Maybe you were too forgiving, maybe you over-looked things too easily but you didn't care. At that moment all you cared about was that you had the chance to start over with the boy you had fallen head over heels for three years ago. What a good way to start the year, you thought happily to yourself.
