You opened your eyes slowly. A painful headache making it hard to see clearly. You couldn't remember clearly what happened nor where you are. Around you was all white, the curtains, the walls and the objects in the room. Your eyes traveled around the room trying to figure out where you were before they fell on a transparent bag full of liquid and a connected to IV lines which you traced all the way to the back of your hand where a needle was being held by a tape. You reached for it lazily to tear it off. " Don't do that, Y/N-shii. " A woman appearing in her early thirties spoke to you from across the room. She was a nurse, and you were in a hospital. " I see you're finally awake. You slept for 20 hours straight. " She continued making her way towards you, checking the small monitor behind you " Everything looks good.". You followed her with your gaze, as everything from the day before started playing in your mind again. The evaluation, the discussion you heard, and your fight with Yoongi. She looked around as if searching for someone " The young man that was here must have stepped out for a moment." What young man ? Is it ... Yoongi ? You thought to yourself as you turned your attention from her towards the door which at that moment opened. You held your breath waiting to see who it was, hoping it wasn't him, you didn't want to see him ever again. To your surprise, Jung kook walked in seeming very tired. He smiled when he saw you awake and you returned it. " Yah ! Don't ever scare me again like that ! " He scolded you. You tried to sit up in your bed with the help of the nurse " I-I'm sorry, kook-ah. I don't know what came to me. " The way he said it made it seem like he was really worried about you brought a shy blush to your cheeks. The two of you sat there for almost an hour chatting away, both of you avoiding discussing what happened yesterday, and then, it was the end of visiting hours. He gave you a tight hug " Don't hurt on your own, Y/N" He whispered in your ear feeling the warmth of his breath on your neck sent shivers down your spine. Soon after, he was gone, you were left alone in the hospital room.
You were informed that you will have to stay in that room for more than a week under the pretense that it was for your health, but you knew it as too long for a twisted ankle and a mild case of fatigue. You knew the agency was trying to keep you there, out of sight. No one visited you that day nor the next one. Jung kook would from time to time sent you a cheer up message, it was the only thing that made your stay there bearable. He and the other members, minus Yoongi, were appearing on talk and variety shows again. It was a good thing that the response was positive, meaning that it won't be long before this whole show would cool down and you could go back to the way you were. Deep down you knew that wasn't true.
The room was feeling stuffy and you wanted to feel the fresh air again, you were tired from sitting there alone. You stood up walking out of the room.
Yoongi's SS :
He saw the pain in her eyes as she stood up looking at him, at that moment, he realized he had wronged her. He poured all of his anger onto the wrong person, she was trying to help him. He could only apologize, he uttered " Sorry, I'm really sorry " but it wasn't received. Grabbed tightly by Nam joom he couldn't move. However, when he finally let go of him he took a step forward only to see her body collapse like a lifeless corpse. A big feeling of coldness and fear sprung down his spine as he pushed namjoon out of the way and dashed to her shaking her body in despair. " Y/N !".
A few minutes after that, the ambulance left with her in it and he followed her with jung kook in the company car. They both waited outside the private room booked for her so the press wouldn't find her. Jung kook paced around the hallways with a stressed look on his face stopping once in a while in front of the room then continued. While He sat in one of the chairs his hands covering his face, just like the first time she saw him in the president's room. He kept murmuring stuff to himself that seemed like complete gibberish swinging back and forth in his chair.
The doctor came out of the room accompanied by two nurses. He smiled as Yoongi stood up abruptly and stepped towards him " Is she going to be okay ? " he slurred as jung kook went inside in a hurry. " She's fine, she just needs rest." He replied putting his hand on yoongi's shoulder reassuring him and walked away. Yoongi stood in front of the room not daring to go in as he glanced away from kook's figure at her frail body laying on the bed. " Jung kook-ah ..." He said. Kook turned to him with anger in his eyes as he glared at him " Don't talk to me right now, Hyung. I might just put you in the next room" He yelled back at him before taking a breath calming down as he glanced at her. " Just ... get out, hyung please ". Yoongi lowered his head and walked away slowly as if hoping to hear that she woke up any second. It didn't.
He got into the car waiting for anything, alone. The manager soon came, then Jung kook followed. The ride back to the dorms felt long and intense, like a fight could break out any second. The maknae was usually the bright and happy person but this time he felt cold and distant. He hurt his bestfriend after all.
The next day, he went again with jung kook, but didn't go in. He waited until visiting hours were done before leaving along side the maknae, happy she was okay. However, when the members got busy again and he couldn't visit, Yoongi went on his own, waiting outside like he always does.
" Y/N ... " Someone called from behind, you turned and Yoongi was there, leaning back against the wall outside your hospital room. " How are you feeling ? " He said as he stepped closer to you, with each step he took towards you, you would take one back and he stopped " I'm fine, just go" You replied before turning away from him. He grabbed your hand between his, they felt cold he must have been standing there for a longtime, " I'm sorry, Y/N, I didn't mean for it to turn out this way. It got out of control." His voiced softened from the raspy tone he always had. You glanced over your shoulder back at him and half smiled " I said it was okay, don't worry about it." You pulled your hand away from him and started walking away. He turned around moving his long finger through his minty hair and brushing it back. You sighed.
The next day, it has been 5 days now from the day of the incident. He came again, this time he didn't stand outside. He opened the door and walked in, sitting besides you yet not uttering a single word. You stared at him for a moment then shrugged " What now, did they make you come so you would appear like the world's best boyfriend ? " You spoke sarcastically. He looked up at you, anger building up in his cold eyes again " It's not like that, Y/N !". Then, like it always does when you're alone in a room with him, silence took over. You turned on the TV to tune into a music show, Hoseok was covering Yoongi's part the song, and he sighed every time it happened. You glanced at him, a look of sadness and disappointment could be seen inside his eyes. He wanted to be there with them, but couldn't, not yet. " How long do we have to do this ?" You said calmly bringing your knees to your chest. " I don't know, but not for long I hope" He said crossing his arms and for the first time that day, he looked at you. " Me too. "
It was the same for the day after that, and the one after. He came in at the start of the visiting hours and left two hours after like clock work. You knew it was guilt or pity that made him do that. However, you started to look forward to his visits, even if you didn't really speak much apart from the greetings and small talks, even if the two of you just sat there in complete silence, you waited for him to open that door, everyday.
Day 8 :
Like usual, he came. Today was only different because he smiled when he saw you, which never happened before. It wasn't his normal, cold and distant smile but a warm one. Another thing that was different was the phone call he got. After only ten minutes, his phone started to ring and his eyes deepened with sadness, it was his girlfriend, or should I say, ex-girlfriend. He hesitated for a moment before picking up. You looked at him silently, feeling somewhat sad about it but wouldn't admit it. " I'll be there right now ! Don't leave ... Jay, please" He screamed into the phone before standing up, his chair falling back from the impact. You grabbed his hand " Don't go, you'll be in trouble" You reacted without realizing, you didn't know why you did it " Let go of me, Y/N, let me go " He said as he retrieved his hand from you pushing you away. " You know this won't end well for you. Are you going to ruin everything we've done ?" You replied still as calm as ever. He turned to you and glared " You really never learn to shut up do you ? Even after being put in a hospital for it. " You eyes widened and you looked away, his words were always harsh, and somehow he always ended up hurting you. Even after everything. He stepped towards you but quickly turned and started running out of the room to where ever she called him.
You pulled away the cover from over you and stepped towards the closet across from your bed changing out of the hospital gown and into your normal clothes, without a word to anyone you went out. Walking around the city aimlessly, you had nowhere to go, ever since you came here from the small village you lived in before the only places you knew were the dorms and the agency. You've been here for 4 years and not once did you look up to see what the sky looked like in Seoul. Looking at it now, it didn't seem that bright nor as beautiful as everyone made it to be. Everyone in the streets seemed overcrowded and everyone seemed to be rushing somewhere. You stopped recognizing the building from across the street. You walked towards the alley leading up to the back door, and went in.
People passed by you, some staring while others whispering to each other, your pictures were all over the gossip articles. Even those who never knew you were a trainee there or if you even existed now started paying more attention to you. Your only goal was to reach the announcement board in the trainee's lounge to see the line-ups. Your heart dropped when your name wasn't on the first line-up like it used to, you have been replaced by someone else. Searching frantically for your name, you were in the last one, the ones who are in danger of being dropped. You needed to take another assessment test, in the third week of this month, to see if they were going to drop you or not. You felt the prick of tears in your eyes as it started to well up. At that moment, the vibrations from your phone turned your attention away from the piece of paper hung up in front of you. You hoped it was Jung kook, his comforting voice would be of help right now. To your surprise as you pulled the phone to you it read Mom. She hadn't called you ever since you decided to leave the village and become an idol. Your mom and the rest of the family were all against the idea of you turning into an entertainer and have cut off all contact with you since. You answered your hands trembling with excitement " MOM !! " You said joyfully smiling widely. Hearing the sigh from the other side of the phone made it disappear as quickly as it came, your voice now calm again and scared " M-mom ?" you said again to finally have a respond " You left your family behind saying you will work hard, but you go around dating popular guys for fame like a cheap girl ? " the reply shocked you as you grasped for air " Mom, it's not like that, it's just for sho..." She hanged up before you could even finish. The call back ring was all you could hear as the line was cut off. You lowered your hand, eyes again glancing at your name in the announcement.
( Warning : Please, if you are triggered by discussions on suicide do not read further than this point. And remember, your life is so precious and important don't throw it away.)
I have to end this You thought as you turned to the stairs. Each step you took up was a hesitation at first but as you reached the fifth floor they turned into determination. All the insults, the embarrassment, the unfairness and the humiliations you've been going through these past days were projected inside your brain. Every single comment you read on the articles were again coming to life inside of you, and everything that have been said to you, you just wanted ... out. You reached the final floor, the rooftop, opening the door you were met by a chilly breeze creating goosebumps all over your body. The edge was a few steps away, the salvation from all the hurt that has been piling up on your shoulders and the weigh you've been carrying with you from the beginning. I guess not all dreams come true in the end ... Mine is just one of those broken dreams. You jumped up onto the last few centimeters separating you and the edge. Your phone in hand, you wanted someone to call and stop you, anyone. You turned it on to the blank notification bar and shrugged, no one will. You let go over it as it dropped 8 floors down to meet the concrete right next to someone's leg making them look up as the phone shredded into pieces thrown into various directions. " Y/N, Come down ! " It started out as a scream but by the time it reached you it was a mere whisper. " That's what I've been trying to do, come down " You said as you chuckled not daring to look down at who ever called. The figure disappeared from the streets running inside the building leaving behind a great number of people gathering around for the "show". You could feel the wind blowing through your hair as you took one final long look at the gray sky above. It felt like if you spread your arm you would be able to touch it. You breathed in, your arm stretching a few inches away from you before getting interrupted by another scream " Y/N !" He said catching his breath between each sound, desperately grasping for air." Yoongi ?" You glanced around identifying his voice. " What are you doing here ?" You said calmly before turning back towards the edge looking down at the people pointing at you and making soundless suggestions. " Come down first, Y/N. Just ... come down." He pleaded, you could sense the desperation in his tone as he reached his hand out going closer to you. " Stop, don't come closer to me. Yoongi, I was trying really hard to keep it together. Even when people cursed and threw harsh words at me ... even when you did it. I tried to keep all together for you, I wanted to keep the secret so the scandal wouldn't bring you down. I ended up bringing myself to the edge ... just like right now." You spoke your voice cracking with each blow of the wind pushing you further towards the end of the wall. Your legs shivering you stepped around to face him and smiled " It's a win-win situation, I get to put all of this on mute and you ... well, you can get rid of me, get the pity of the public and be forgiven". You started feeling dizzy having switch glances between him and the crowd, hearing the sirens coming closer and closer to you and you quivered. He flinched clearly scared that you would fall off. " Damn it, Y/N. Stand still !" He yelled, his voice was rough and piercing in your ears. You went back and he sprinted towards you grabbing your arm and pulling you, making you fall from the short wall onto his body. The shock made him trip and you both fell into the ground he let out a grunt of pain dropping down his arms wrapped tightly around you almost hurting you.
Without becoming aware of it you started to cry uncontrollably your face buried into his chest. He ran his finger through your hair trying to comfort only making you cry louder as your lungs started to feel airless and blocked as you tried to seize hold of your normal breathing. Parting with his chest you could see the huge tear stain on his white shirt. He pulled his hand back from you with a faint smile covered in pain. " Sorry, I must be too heavy for you " You let out a small chuckle trying to not come face to face with what just happened and you pushed away from him standing up stumbling a bit to regain your balance while he followed. " Don't ever do something stupid like that ." He said glaring at you. " It got too much ... I had no other choice" Tear still haven't dried on your face. The door to the rooftop was opened again and a number of people walked in. He stepped away lowering his head and walking back out leaving you behind. You stood still your eyes fixed on his back you mind going blank. Someone was talking to you but you couldn't bother to look at them nor could comprehend what they were saying. You just started running, away from there, as you reached a few floors down you recognized Yoongi's figure walking into the president's bureau. You ran faster and grabbed his shirt making him stop. You bent down grasping your breath before looking back up at him with a smile.
