brooklyn nine nine quotes (slow updates)

S3E14 'Karen Peralta'

I'm gonna be restarting the synopsis' for the episodes as some quotes need context :)

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On his birthday, Jake brings Amy to meet his mother, but a surprise appearance by his dad throws a wrench in his special day. Meanwhile, Rosa and Charles struggle with a new mandate regarding body cams while on a stakeout with Terry, and Gina forgets to inform the precinct about an important plan of Holt's.

Amy: Jake, Karen is a grown woman with a pretty respectable credit score. I'm sure she knows what she's doing.

Jake: Amy, I know that you have a binder, but you don't know her like I do. She's too trusting for her own good. She's fallen for more Nigerian scams than Scully.

Amy: She's fallen for 20 Nigerian scams?

Jake: 20? That's insane. No, she's fallen for 2. Scully's fallen for 20?

Amy: Yeah.

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Jake: What's this case?

Amy: Oh, this isn't work. It's research on your mom since we're finally meeting. It's very thorough.

Jake: Just relax. She's gonna love you. You're both strong, accomplished women that have seen me naked.

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Jake: All right, what I am about to say will make you very horny, but you have to try and remember that we're still at work. Do you want me to quiz you?

Amy: Oh, God, yes.

Jake: Wow.

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Captain Holt: Where should we begin? Do you have any experience with puzzles?

Scully: Yes. I've never solved one.

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Rosa: Look, man, no one's ever gonna see that footage. The case was cut and dry. It's not like I'm dying to tell anyone I saw your-

Charles: Bennie and the Jets.

Rosa: Sure. Whatever.

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Captain Holt: The dial tone's not steady. I think it's Morse code.

Scully: I know Morse code! My dad was a prisoner of war in Korea, and I could only talk to him-

Gina: Shut up. Who cares? Just decode the message.

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Captain Holt: Congratulations.We did it. And we did it together because we're a team.

Hitchcock: Should we do it again next week, sir?

Captain Holt: No. I would hate that.

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Charles: All hail the birthday boy. (fires a confetti cannon)

Sergeant Jeffords: Oh, what the hell was that?

Jake: Charles, probably shouldn't have done that in a police station.

Charles: And not celebrate your birthday properly? I'd rather get shot.

Jake: You do you, Boyle.

Charles: I'm doing me!

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Gina: Where's Charles?

Jake: On a stakeout with Rosa and Terry.

Gina: Police work? What a waste of time.

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Karen Peralta: Okay, I got your favorite cake, blue.

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Gina: Jake! Jakester! Remember when I did not email you about Captain Holt's "Escape the Room" thing tonight?

Jake: No, and I can't go. Amy and I are going to my mom's house for my birthday.

Gina: Adults don't care about their birthdays.

Jake: You came to work last year on a horse.

Gina: Man, forget you.

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Jake: I can't believe you knew about Sheila.

Karen Peralta: I also knew about Wendy. And Bonnie.

Jake: Bonnie who wears a wig?

Karen Peralta: She left it in our bathroom. That's how I found out.