Panic! At The Mafia//Brendon Urie

Chapter 17

(trigger warning!!! self harm)

The next morning, Brendon was still so mad at me, and I had a gut feeling that the guys were too. Now it's as if it was the first day I was here. The guilt I felt was crazy. But I swear, that wasn't me. Something took over me and Brendon wouldn't listen to me. Not that I spoke to Brendon once since his outburst last night. I was too scared to leave the room. And worst part is, I have to pee really bad.

I got out of the room and tried to go to the bathroom alone, but Brendon walked by me. I shrunk down and kept my gaze on my feet. All he did was brush my shoulder and keep walking. I got into the bathroom and locked the door. I quickly did my business, and then sat there for a little while, quietly sobbing into my hands. Should I? I kept on asking myself. The thought had crossed my mind several times while down here, but I never thought of doing it. Not until now. I got up, looked in the mirror and wiped my tears away.

Opening the bathroom door, I made sure the coast was clear and walked to the kitchen, opening up the cutlery drawer. Looking around again, I pulled out the sharpest knife and quietly snuck back into my room.

Now was the time where I was fighting with myself. Do it really end it all now, over one argument? Yes, because they all hate you and they've all treated you poorly at one point in time. Listen to yourself, they kidnapped you and you got shot in the leg for one of them.

I pulled the knife out and examined it. The shiny silver on the end made it look like one you'd see in the cartoons. The handle was a wooden brown. That's not going to matter anytime soon. I brought the blade up to my arm, rethinking my decision. The blade entered my skin and I winced, almost in the verge of screaming.

The blade was now dragged across the top of my wrist. Now I yelled in pain. Continuing this process for a while, I was screaming in pain. There was blood everywhere and my arm was going numb. Finally, all this pain Brendon had put me through will be gone. My eyes closed and I stopped. I'd done enough damage to myself anyway.

"Faelecia! Stop screami-" Brendon had cut himself off once he saw me, covered in cuts and scratches.

"Oh my f**king god!" His footsteps became louder and more visible. I was picked up and brought into Brendon's chest. He ran to some room and the guys started to panic.

"What's wrong?!" Kenny shouted. Brendon didn't reply, but I heard a lot more footsteps come following Brendon.

"Get out! I'm healing her!" He yelled, slamming the door shut to the infirmary. I groaned and felt myself on the table. Brendon was shuffling around, applying pressure to my arms with rags. I stirred and felt the pressure grow.

"Oh my god! I can't believe you did this..." he whispered, his voice wobbling. The water started running and then the rags were back on my arms, only wet this time around.

"Faelecia! Answer me!" He cried out. My eyes opened slowly and I vividly saw his figure hovering over top of me.

"Thank god you're alive!" He smiled softly. I winced as the cold entered my skin.

"Tell me, why would you want to do this to yourself?" He asked. My eyes were fully open and I could feel the pulsating on both of my arms.

"I-I thought you guys... all hated me..." I whispered slowly. Brendon's eyebrows furrowed and his lips parted.

"Look, I will get mad at you, and you'll get mad at me too, but I will never, ever hate you!" He pressed a kiss to my cheek and wiped off the blood on my arms.

"That's not a reason to end your life!" Brendon exclaimed. I looked away and felt a tear run down my cheek.

"It's not just that! I felt useless here. You've all treated me poorly and... and I couldn't handle it!" He wiped my tear away and started to bandage up my arms.

"Well, thankfully you didn't cut too deep, this is easier to clean than I thought it'd be." He stated. I felt the mesh wrap around both of my arms, just above my wrist. Brendon pulled me up and engulfed me in a tight hug.

"I love you so damn much, Faelecia!" His voice wobbled.

"I love you too, Brendon, and I'm so sorry!" I apologized, not being able to squeeze him.

"Don't be sorry, because you're safe here!"