Abbey was the first to pull back, and I almost died of need for her. I jumped into her thoughts to see why she pulled back so abruptly. She was scared, she thinks I'm going to use her for her body and then dump her. I went too fast with her. I'm going to have to take it really slow with her from now on.
I calmed my beating heart and took an inhalation of breath, and ignored the flame in my pants, reminding myself that she is not just another woman, she is the one and only soulmate I will ever have. Which brought me to another thought. How am I going to train myself to make love to her the way she deserves to be made love to? I have only had raw, lustful, and masochist sex before in my life, I have never been tender with a woman's body in my entire life.
I looked into her sky blue eyes and knew that I would rather die than hurt a single strand of hair on her head. A lump formed in my throat, and I was super emotional. I used to be an evil warrior committing unspeakable crimes. The three evil spirits commanded my body to do harm to others. How am I ever going to overcome the grief of what I have done, and live a normal life with this woman who already has stolen my heart and held it captive.
Then another thought came to my mind. This beautiful woman whom I have lost my heart to, is human, and she will die one day, but I will live forever, and that thought twisted my heart with pain. I grabbed Abbey, and slammed her against my chest, holding on tight to her.
My actions frightened her and she pulled away, "Ronan, I think we are moving a little too fast, and I feel lost now. Can we please call it a night? Beside, I haven't walked my dog for the night and I must be getting back." She said, and my heart broke in two.
"Yes of course, come." I said to her and lead the way out of the park, and we headed for home. My heart was heavy with disappointment, not at her, but at myself, because I was not able to control myself. I hope I did not screw up my chance to be with her, and make our soulmate connection take longer than necessary. I tuned inside her thoughts to read what she is thinking.
With a sinking heart I heard her thoughts, and braced myself for rejection. She was scared of me, and wasn't sure if she should continue to see me. I had to say something fast before she makes up her mind.
"I apologize Abbey for my behavior. I don't know what came over me." I lied, "can you forgive me, and give me a chance to start over? " I asked her, and I stopped walking and turned to face her.
She sighed and looked away, I know she finds me attractive, but she also finds me aggressive. "I promise you Abbey, I will not kiss you again until you ask me to." I told her quickly, in a desperate attempt to win her trust back.
She ignored my words and we continued to walk in silence all the way back to our apartments. This was it, if I do not try one more time to win her back she might shut me out of her life, and I would have to waste more time until we connect.
"Abbey." My voice was deep and hoarse, "Can I see you again?"
I heard her arguing with herself, she wanted me, but feared that I was only after her body.
"I want to be your friend Abbey, please don't deny me this." I told her, it felt like I was pleading for my life.
She narrowed her eyes and said, "friends with benefits? Is that what you are asking from me?"
"Of course not! Abbey, I don't see you in that way. I see you as a lovely young woman whom I would love to get to know and maybe make a life with." I told her, praying that she will believe me.
"What exactly is it that you want of me Ronan?" She asked, wanting to clear the air.
"I want you to be my friend, and hopefully it can blossom into something more one day. I really like you Abbey, and am willing to wait and see where our relationship will take us, if you allow me to see you again, I promise it will be platonic until you decide otherwise. Is it a deal?" I asked, and held my breath for her answer.
