Hamilton Oneshots (2)

Fucked Up Mistake (HamLiza)

Requested by Lego4life12

Trigger Warning: Depression

Elizabeth Schuyler Hamilton was wrong, completely wrong, everything about her just screamed wrong. She was married, she had five beautiful children, she had two amazing sisters, loving doting parents, two nephews, a dog, an amazing best friend. Why was she crying alone at night? Why was she imaging a world where she wasn't there? Wouldn't everything be better if she wasn't here?

Eliza felt more like a machine these days. Make sure Philip practiced the piano and then French, help Angelica with violin, have Alexander Jr assist James in the garden, and finally she had to breastfeed John every two hours. Kiss Alex when he got home, at dinner, and before she went to bed. That was her schedule, sometimes it changed, of course, like when the children needed new clothes.

Eliza hated her mundane life honestly. She just needed to sit down, she just needed to cry. Today though she couldn't, Philip has ratted on her. She headed to the bedroom and sat down, the children were all okay right now, she could take this small moment for her emotions. She held her face but froze when the door opened, she looked up, "Alexander? You're home?"

"What? Surprised or guilty?" He asked and she raised her eyebrows in shock, "I didn't go to work today." He admitted, shutting the door behind him to shut their children out of this conversation, "You're concerning me."

She looked away, "Concerning you?" She repeated, taking deep breathes to calm down and get her tears to stop from forming. She looked over at him, "In what regard? What do you mean?" He'd never said something like that to her before.

Alex locked the door and shrugged, "Every time we kiss it seems nonautonomous." Eliza hated it when he used big words and he knew it, why was he trying to make her angry? What had she done? "Then Philip says mommy sneaks away and locks herself in the room? What am I supposed to think, Eliza?"

Suddenly all of the pieces to the puzzle clicked. Eliza jumped up, "A-Are you seriously accusing me of an affair?!" She ran a hand through her hair and laughed tensely, "Really? Me? Cheat on you?" She shook her head and walked to the closet, "Is my lover in here?" She opened the door, "Oh wow just clothes. Maybe under the bed?" She walked over and lifted the bed skirt up, "Just dust bunnies under here." She dropped it and fixed Alexander with an icy look, "Do you want to know what I do in here every single day and even late at night sometimes?" She crossed her arms, anger coursed through her veins more than the sadness did.

"Well, yes, obviously, Elizabeth!" He was obviously getting angry and looked away from her, "I'm a lawyer too you know. If you want a divorce just say it, don't lead me hanging on a string every day I-"

"-I cry," Eliza interrupted and looked away at the floor, "And no not because I'm covering an affair and not because I'm unhappy in my marriage, I love my marriage and my husband." She used the back of her hand to try and brush the tears but they kept coming.

Alex gulped, he'd fucked up, he took a step toward his wife and tried to hug her or comfort her in some way, "I-I didn't-"

"-What? Didn't know?" She asked, pushing away from him immediately, "Of course you didn't know. Because not once did you ask or care, you just assumed, the first thought that crossed your mind was I was having an extramarital affair and not that something was wrong with me!"

"Eliza..." Alex reached over and tried pulling him into his chest, "I-I love you please...please relax, please. Let's talk I just...I just...talk to me, please. I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry I didn't mean it...I didn't.." He looked away, apologizing was never his thing.

Eliza sat on the bed again, "I can't stop thinking about a world without me." She admitted, not able to look at him, "Would the world be better without me? I'm not special...in three generations I'll be forgotten. What do I even add to this family? The...best thing I could ever do for this world is to leave, isn't it?"

She heard thumping on the ground before she squeaked, falling onto the bed as Alex threw his arms around her frame, "Don't...ever say that again." He said into her ear. She felt hot tears on her neck and it took her a second to realize they weren't her tears, "Pl-Please." His voice broke and Eliza hiccuped, starting to cry harder than usual.

"But it's true," Eliza cried, slowly putting her arms around her husband as they cried on each other, "What do I bring that no other woman could bring? My children won't go on to tell their children how much th-"

"-Elizabeth Schuyler Hamilton," She blinked and sat up when Alex dragged her up. He cupped her face and used his thumbs to brush away her tears, "If I no longer had you then like wouldn't be worth living. That's why I...was so scared I was losing you to some other man. You're my everything, Eliza. I don't care about what our children will say to their parents, I don't care about what historians will write in their memoirs two hundred years from now, I don't care about any of that anymore if it means I can't have you."

Eliza stared at him in shock, "Please don't say that...please..your legacy is everything to you. I know that much..don't put it all aside just because o-of me..and my stupid feeli-"

"-It's not stupid!" She jumped in surprise at his yelling, "Your emotions are valid...and your existence is valid. I would like an amazing legacy, yes, but if being remembered in the lives of people I won't ever know means I lose the life of you..then I don't want it. I love you, that's why I married you."

Eliza grabbed his hands, "I...I love you, Alex..." She mumbled and finally leaned in for a kiss, crying as both she and Alex finally managed to kiss each other without fighting.

"I..hate seeing you cry..." Alex mumbled, putting his forehead against hers, "I wish it was somebody who was making you feel this horrible because then I could go and beat the living hell out of you. Unfortunately, I can't beat up your emotions otherwise I...I would.."

Eliza brushed her tears away for the second time, "Just hold me." She whispered brokenly and Alex was more than happy to oblige. He held her against his chest and rocked them as Eliza's emotions finally exhausted her and she passed out.

Alex usually would have put her under the covers, kissed her head, and let her rest, but not now. He wanted her in his arms so he didn't let go and held onto her, kissing her temple and staying where he was with the love of his life in his arms, safe.