Sky Blue

57 3 4
                                    

By: @EssaSerania

Title: The title is good. I like how Haven is an artist, and I can interpret her name as heaven and heaven being "skyblue"...so I get that.

Summary: The summary...it doesn't appeal to me to want to read your story and it's not because you mentioned 'this story doesn't end with a happy ending'. It doesn't catch my attention because you're not really saying what the story is going to be about. I mean sure you mention the story is perhaps going to be an unhappy love story, but what of it? How is your story special from other tragic ending stories? I would probably fix this summary.

Storyline: Reading the first chapter made me feel like it was being rushed. The protagonist was going from one place to another....and I kind of felt like you really didn't take your time to write that chapter. What I would suggest to you is to separate paragraphs whenever you're moving to another scene.

Detail: You lack detail. It was clear to me because like I told you on the storyline, I felt like you're rushing from scene to scene, without really describing anything.

Word of Choice: You need to use more synonyms and not so common words.

Grammar: There were a few grammar errors on the chapters I read. You might want to read your story out loud before you publish it and see if it makes sense.

Character's Personality: I've been reading your story but I still don't get what kind of character Haven is...The only thing I know is that she likes art and does that as a hobby...I think you might want to work on her character and give her a unique personality.

Creativity: Mmm...I'll probably give you half a point for this only because it's my first time ever reading of a character liking art....but other than that, I don't really get the point of the story. Your summary didn't help in giving me a clear picture either.

Length in chapter: Too short.

I add to Reading List: No. Your grammar and storyline ruin it for me...You need to work on that. It's too rushed, it's not well written, and there's nothing that catches my attention.

I gave you a point for the following:

Title – 1

Summary – 0

Storyline – 0

Detail – 0

Word of Choice – 0

Grammar – .5

Character's Personality – .5

Creativity – .5

Length in chapter – 0

I add to Reading List – 0

Total = 2.5

I rate your story a 2.5!

*Keep in mind that to me your story is a 2.5, but to others it could be a 10!

Writer
What you just wrote, I would probably write in the first chapter describing the protagonist, perhaps in 3rd POV though. On the summary, I would just put what story will be about (without giving away too much) and put a hook line there that would attract people to want to read the story.

9y ago

Uhhh question, so what kind of story is good for you? Is it like this? 'Oh hey my name is Amanda. I'm fifteen, I have small hands, brown eyes, blonde hair and a slim body. I don't go to school anymore. I live in the bottom of the darkest alley with my family. Too bad they all died because of stupidness. I like this boy, I think he likes me back. Now I'll tell you about my life.

9y ago

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