By: @ToxxicValentine_
Title: I feel you can come up with a better title than "Saved". I would probably recommend you to change it only because it kinda lets the reader know that the protagonist is going to be "Saved" at the end. Maybe you could name it "Looking to be Saved" or something along those lines so that the reader cannot know whether the protagonist Emma will be saved or not.
Summary: The summary gives away too much. I would recommend you to shorten it and be careful on the grammar. Keep it short and simple, yet appealing to the reader and grab their attention so they can read the story!
Storyline: The storyline seems good. You stay on topic and I didn't feel confuse reading the story.
Detail: When I read on your first chapter that english was not your first language, I was amazed!. For a person to not be fluent in English, you do a good job in being detailed and letting me be able to imagine what you're trying to portray! I applaud you for that!
Word of Choice: Good job on the words that you use. I had to google regress (lol), amiability and I also liked the analogy of the caterpillar turning into a butterfly. Good Job!
Grammar: The grammar is okay...but I do see you overuse your commas. A tip that I give to many of the writers is that before they publish their work, to read it to themselves and see if it makes sense. Every time you use a comma, pause when you're reading after a comma and then continue after a second or two and see if it makes sense. Also, there's some misspelled words so be on the look out for that!
Character's Personality: I can definitely see what kind of personality Emma has. from what I read she definitely is not a "people's person". Also what I notice from her was that she'll talk if she's spoken to and has a strong character. I can tell Eve is the outgoing one and is very talkative. You did a good job in portraying both Sebastian and Ashton! I can tell right away that Sebastian is a sweetheart, while Ashton is your typical hot, douchebag. I also love Queen Anastasia! She puts Ashton in check. lol. I can tell Queen Anastasia is the matriarch of the house and does not let anyone look down on her.
Creativity: The creativity is there. I like how you have both vampires and wolves together in a story and also involved a Kingdom. Normally when I read werewolf or vampire stories its just about packs and groups, but yours has a little twist. I like it!
Length in chapter: I do feel like your chapters should be a little bit longer...They're not short, but they're not long either...they're in between.
I add to Reading List: Believe it or not, I'm going to add it on my reading list! There's something about your story that I like...perhaps its the fact that its mysterious and I want to see what happens with Emma...but I do feel your story has potential! You might want to fix the grammar though, but other than that your story is pretty good!
I gave you a point for the following:
Title - .5
Summary - .5
Storyline - 1
Detail - 1
Word of Choice - 1
Grammar - 0
Character's Personality - 1
Creativity - 1
Length in Chapter - 0
Add to Reading List - 1
Total = 7
I rate your story a 7!
*Keep in mind that to me your story is a 7, but to others it could be a 10!
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