Irresistible (A Harry Styles Fanfiction)

89: An Early Morning On An Insignificant Day In March

(A/N: Hello my lovely readers!! Are there any of you still out there? I know I've been away for a while but I'm back in NYC now and getting back into my everyday routine. It's a bit difficult after such a lovely holiday with my UK family so finally finishing this chapter has been a great comfort. Also, for all of you who have asked for story recommendations, I promise I'll get back to you, just need some time to gather up my favorite stories! So here's out Mia, hope you enjoy it.)

Wake up, Harry please wake up.

But he didn't and now I'm here.

This might be the worst thing I've ever done.

I took the cowardly way out, hoping he would suddenly rouse from his slumber while I was trying to make my escape rather than just doing it myself. I told myself I'd let fate decide, that if he was meant to be with me through this that he would somehow wake up and insert himself into the situation like he did when he entered my life but he didn't wake up before I left.

I was a coward and now feel horrible.

After Harry and I's lovemaking, I didn't sleep a wink. I couldn't stop thinking about everything, so even in my spot snuggled next to Harry, the most comfortable spot in the world, I couldn't sleep.

Hours of staring at my ceiling went by before I got up before my alarm and tiptoed around hoping he'd stir even though I wasn't making a sound. I managed to sort myself out without a single mid-sleep grunt from Harry and these few hours later he's probably still sprawled out on my bed looking as lovely and as peaceful as when I left him.

I left him.

Without a word, without nudging him into partial consciousness, without an inkling of remorse...I left because I made myself believe that if I was supposed to do this with him, he would have woken. He didn't so he isn't. Instead of making my own fate, I grabbed my suitcase, an extra coat, and left a quick note for Monica to feed Prince, and walked right out the door.

And the guilt has been building up inside ever since but I daren't linger on it for too long or else I'll have a meltdown in public, I'm sure of it.

I could barely write him a note with how shaky my hand was. I should let myself feel guilty because that pain is what I deserve. That horrible, sinking pain that threatens to rip me apart from the inside out. But I'm selfish and don't let myself because I will surely melt with the uncontrollable pressure of it all.

Oh god, my poor Harry.

My chin quivers at the thought of him waking up alone and the anger he'll feel toward me. He's an understanding guy but I'm afraid I've worn his understanding nature thin.

Gate A32 is surprisingly busy for being an early morning flight on an insignificant weekday in March. There are sleepy yet excited kids trying to wrangle their even sleepier parents to entertain them while waiting to board and overly perky airport employees smiling from ear to ear and doing whatever they do behind that solid desk before they deem us worthy to board the plane.

People watching is a thankful distraction, the people around me actively working hard to is keep me from drowning in a pool of my own tears. I truly am the definition of a pathetic person for disappearing after the night we had without so much as a goodbye kiss on the cheek.

Sure Harry did just as bad to me when he told me to leave his house the other day but I knew the reason for that and every other time he had to leave for work he gave me fair warning. This, what I'm doing just feels unfair.

I'm entitled to go off on my own and do what I need to do to move forward but I just the cowardly way out and that doesn't sit right inside my gut. How could it?