My (still) Derpy Life

Angsty rambling at 10pm.

I look back now, at how much has changed in the space of three years.
And all I can think or say is...

wow.

It's...just too much to take in.
It's too crazy to remember it all.
And it still hurts too bad to get over.

I hope that closure comes to me some day.
I can't live like this forever, always looking back, too scared to look forwards, to the future.

The future is scary. As are my past mistakes.

And change, is even scarier. But, frighteningly, and sadly, that's what coming for me.

You can't run away from the choices you're going to have to face.

I'm always scared now. Always. It's hard to be calm when you never know what could happen to you next.

I learnt the hard way, for so many things, and from so many people.

I'm radically different from my past self, now. I don't even relate to them anymore. I, don't exist, unless I am in the now.

So many regrets. So many mistakes. So many harsh words exchanges. So much pain.

I'll never be the same again.

Heck.
Maybe that's a good thing. I hate myself anyways, past self or not.

But all I know, is that all I want now,

Is to be

happy.

Ever so simply,

happy.

i can't remember the last time i felt utterly at ease
and happy.