His Sunshine, Gabrielle

cry and cry

Gabrielle Dasher

A scream that you hear in the horror movies awoke me.I'm not sure what was more sad that the scream sounded like someone in pain or that it woke me up back into something I tried to escape-- life. I'm sure what suprised me was that I was in a hospital bed with wires around me and that the bloody scream was coming from me.

My eyes widen at seeing the bright white lights and I felt like the beeping noises around me were being blasted through my ears.I felt a hot fiery emotion of anger soar through me realizing that I once again didn't escape this nightmare.I felt like a lunatic when many nurses came towards me trying to pin me down, trying to inject me, but I punched them with all my force.

"I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine." I screamed at the top of my lungs making them all jump from fear.They didn't dare get near me anymore once a group of five brown haired boys barged into my room with looks of panic on their faces.

Bryson was the first one to run over to my bed side and pull me into a tight hug.I shockingly squeezed him tight,gasping with happiness to see a familiar face.I admit that when I laid on my bathroom floor I kept thinking about my brothers, I didn't hate them like I always said I do, I was just so angry at them and I think that to this day I still am mad.

"Let's go home." I whisper in to his ear as my eyes were squeezed tight trying my hardest block out the brightness of the white lights around me.If I couldn't die then I just wanted to go home, to rest in my bed, not a hospital bed.

"No." That simple word made me rip myself away from Bryson to give him a look of anger and curiosity. I noticed how all my brothers circled around the bed as the nurses hestinalty walked out the room.

"You have a problem and you need to take care of it Brielle." Zachary spoke, looking at me with concerned eyes.

"You need help and the doctors will give it to you.We just want our sister back, the girl before that one night." Kyden whispered.

"You need to let go of what Trey did to you.You aren't mentally stable right now Bri." Liam said, kneeling beside me.

"It's going to be ok after you take your pills and see your therapist again.It will all be the way it use to be." Gannon said almost smiling.

"SHUT UP!" I yelled at them.I was so mad at them that my eyes were shut as tear leaked from them.My fist shook beside me as I numbly punched them into my bed.My body began shaking from so much anger, I was ready to explode, after all this time of holding it down I was going to explode.

"If you guys didn't leave me that night I would of never turned out this way.You just don't fucking understand, do you?" I asked, more tears falling from my eyes as I repeatedly punched the bed.

"When I see you guys all I remember is the way I begged you guys to stop him from touching me.You all promised to love and protect me, which you didn't.My own family betrayed me, my brothers and my dad.You don't know how badly that man messed me up physically and mentally.You have no fucking idea." I sobbed, resting my hand against my heart trying to calm it from the sudden tightness.

"I see him in the dark, I see him coming after me and I feel like I'm going insane from the lack of sleep.The pills can control my anxiety, but it can't control this pain in my chest or in my head.I was messed up so bad, only death can fix me....I can't look at my body without tormenting myself that he has seen and touched me everywhere, everywhere a fourteen year old shouldn't be touched.He left scars on me that I can't scrub off my body and I tried replacing them with new ones, but they don't fade the old ones and they never will" I hysterically shouted through my cries of misery.

"Why didn't you ....just stay with me? and I'm so sorry , but I can't be that girl you want me to be again.I just...c-can't" I sobbed, falling into Gannon's arms that were open wide for me.

I fisted his shirt as I cried and sobbed into his chest.I felt a strong tightness in my heart.I felt my stomach falling to the ground and I felt awfully weak.It was like someone dropped me from a building top and I fell, breaking in the worst and painful way possible.

A week has passed and things were changing.I was still in the hospital, I was practically on a type of watch meaning they were watching me to make sure I wouldn't try to end my life again.I was constantly going to different therapist, trying different medications and spending a lot of time with my brothers.

My brothers smile that I sometimes complete my therapy sessions, other times I just stop talking because I can't express myself like they want me to.They are happy that I'm taking my medication even though it makes me sleepy and I try telling them that it dosen't stop the pain in my chest, but I never get to it because then I just start crying.Something I do a lot now, I could cry a whole ocean and still have more tears afterwards.

I'm sad, very sad.

My bones feel stiff and very weak.My insides feel drained of feelings and I can feel my heart slowly turning back to it's charcoal color.All because I was starting to believe everyone around me, my brothers and my therapist tell me Carter dosen't love me each time I talk or cry about him-- I believe them.

Carter knew the truth now.From what Daniella told me he stormed out after crying on me, no one has heard of him since.I'm not sure why I'm suprised he left me.I told myself from the very start that if he ever found out that he would leave me for being a troubled girl.However, I found myself up at 3am wondering why he left me if he said he loved me, it was so sad that I actually thought and expected him to stay.I expected something from someone and once again I was left down.

The more the days passed, I felt the feeling of love and passion fading from my heart.It was turning into anger.I kept hearing my old voice tormenting me of how stupid I became these past months, my demons were coming back before the medication could shut them off.

You would of never let a boy hurt you like Carter did back before you met him.He physically hurt you before.He dosen't love you, all he wanted was to use you for entertainment. He saw you as nothing, but a little innocent girl that he could turn into his personal toy.You granted him access to your body, your heart and your mind.Now you pay for it Gabrielle.

I silently shed tears through closed eyes, nodding my head slowly.I allowed him to touch me , to kiss me , to control me and now I'm dying on my own.

I felt a thumb pushing away my tears.I didn't open my eyes because the tears didn't allow me to.I just let them stroke my cheek as I cried silently until my silent crying turned into body shaking sobs.

"He never loved me." I whisper through my sobs, someone pulling me into their arms.I sunk into the warmth of their arms, but it wasn't warm enough to mend me.

"Then it's his loss princess." Weston whispered and I cried even harder, shocked that he's here.I couldn't move to look at him though because I kept sobbing and I only hugged him tighter against me.

"But, I l-love him so much that it's m-making me s-s-sick." I sutter through my sobs, which only make Weston kiss the top of my head repeatedly.

"You can't keep destroying yourself for him." Weston whispered, making minutes of silence linger through us.The only sound around us was my heavy breathing and my slight gasps for air.

"I would destroy myself any day in exchange for his love and I hate myself for that....he's made me weak. " I cry and cry.