Double D's

crowded

Oh crap!

It's 8:05! Your test started 10 minutes ago!

For the first time in your life, you run!

And no, your name is not Forest.

Even with your legs on fire, it doesn't make a difference because there's people everywhere!

There's even a person sitting in a tree... Oh the poor birds nest :/

They are everywhere! Like bees swarming a hive. Termites having a feast!

Why do we have people near our bubbles, blocking our every move and touching us everywhere? Because life sucks.

We usually avoid them by staying in bed, hiding under the covers. They  are the reason why we shop online.

But now we can't...

We have to do one of the hardest things known to man...

WALKING IN A CROWD

HOW TO AVOID STAMPEDES OR PEOPLE IN GENERAL:

Tree Hugger:

My parents always said that if I got lost I should hug a tree, unless it was raining. I never understood it! But now, in the modern day we live in, if you get lost or separated from your companions, find a tree or a lamp post and use your fancy little gadget your phone to drop your location.

Safety In Numbers:

Go in a big group. Not that big of group if you make up 56% of the crowd, but big enough to make an impression and keep you from getting squished. Take a tip from animal herds, the weaker ones stay in the centre!

Death Stare 2.0:

Wanna know a magic trick used by badasses? Simply gaze between a person's shoulder and neck. You don't even have to look into their lifeless eyes. They will instantly move out of your way if you follow this methor. Bonus points is that you will be a total bad ass! Ain't nobody can step in your way :)

Clay Sculptures:

Everyone knows a little Greek Goddess, she has snakes for hair, always has a hung over look since she wears sunglasses 24/7? She even made an appearance on everyone's favourite childhood cartoon, The Power Puff Girls? Still counts if she had an alias!

Well Medusa has a simple method for getting what she wants. No, it's not sex appeal but it does deal with her looks! Stare a person directly into the eye. Shoot daggers. And they will instantly turn  into a sculpture for your backyard. Or the person will feel intimidated and move out of the way. If you happen to be a miniature person - use this to your advantage, I've heard of many rage crazed dwarfs who get their way!

Sorry Not Sorry:

Just push through. No, not metaphorically. Literally just push them. Make sure you get your way and go where you want to go. Elbow to the ribs can be pretty sore, so use with caution! Remember to also keep your delicate goods covered, people will attack you for a cupcake.

Palpations:

If you're in a desperate rush, or suffer from claustrophobia or just feel intimidated by the mere thought of a crowd, then fake it. I can't guarantee you'll have sympathy for being afraid, but being in a medical emergency may work. When everyone makes room for the paramedics, zoom past everyone just before the gurney hits the concrete! Just remember what happened to the boy who cried wolf.

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Life sucks! But we are here to make you feel less alone :)