Hey guys😊💙... I just wanted to make this random chapter cause what I'm about to ask you will seem so interesting and you may be puzzled for a few seconds like I was.
Question:
"Why are you so detached?"
Well my 'loves' asked me that very same question today. And I was quite shocked because I thought there was no way I could answer that. But I started writing it down from the heart...even though it was a bit tough to express my feelings (as an Aquarius)...
It's because of getting badly hurt in the past. And cause of that, I can't help but keep people away from me. Cause I used to be so sensitive and feel things really deeply to the heart. So many things hurted me and I would never show that I cared about the way they hurt me cause I don't want to seem weak in front of people who treated me like crap. So even now, I feel things so deeply and get really hurt but it always depends on whether I care enough to be giving attention to it or not, cause now I have very less feelings or emotions I think and it's only because of the way people made me hold onto them until I've had enough and simply feel numb about it. Usually I ignore their existence whenever I see those people. I try to keep away from them. And it's a natural instinct that I do that. That's why it's so hard for me to open up or let people in and be myself. Cause I've done that many times after each time of getting hurt over dumb stuff like getting backstabbed by people who I thought were my close friends. That's why I get scared of getting too close unless I know I can trust in the person with absolutely anything cause I hate being hurt and can't take risks and make the same mistakes all over again by letting my real personality out. Or people will take an advantage of my carefree and helpful personality and sabotage it like they did all the other times. Like even now, I prefer being distant instead of letting people in. Cause I used to be a person who thought the world was some "dreamland good place" of nice people. And after each tough experience, I realise more and more how wrong I was. And therefore I become numb about things when I get hurt now. I don't know what to do about it so I ignore it.. Until I get hurt many many times and can't hold it in anymore, then I cry over it and get over it. I used to be a really innocent and sweet person and I know that my biggest weakness used to be getting attached really really fast to new people I meet. But now I've reached my stage where I can be really harsh wen "I hate" a person cause that is only cause I hate the feeling of enduring the pain inside of me (that they cause). And when I say "mean" jokes of (for example dumping people I don't like into the river or murdering people or shooting people that I dont like...), I don't find those jokes as mean cause I don't feel sympathy anymore like I used to. It's because back before let's say in 1st year of secondary school.. I would find those jokes as horrifying and I would be like a "Libra... but with a very very emotional and sensitive and caring soul". Things changed a lot for me. And it's really scary for me to become close friends with any person because I keep feeling more numb and numb when someone says shit about me or does shit to me especially if I considered them as a good friend. Like only very very very less people know what I'm really like. I prefer being a loner instead of putting on an act just to impress people and then at the end those same people take advantage of how considerate you are and you will end up holding back all that pain inside of you, until you cry over it one day when it becomes too much to keep inside of you and then you become even more heartless towards emotions and feelings.
Well that's how I feel about why and how I am distant towards people. I hope any of you Aquarians can relate to this and if you do then please don't mind by expressing your feelings in the COMMENTS as it would help you and other Aquarians to connect with each other and feel better about it❤😀. Proving that you are not alone.
Ps. My birthday is on the 12th of February 2001👌
(and this may cause me to be a bit more emotional or connected to my feelings than most Aquarians would)
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Aquarius 1
Random(completed)Y̶o̶u̶ w̶o̶n̶'t̶ k̶n̶o̶w̶ h̶o̶w̶ t̶r̶u̶e̶ t̶h̶e̶ f̶a̶c̶t̶s̶ a̶r̶e̶, t̶i̶l̶l̶ y̶o̶u̶ a̶c̶t̶u̶a̶l̶l̶y̶ g̶i̶v̶e̶ i̶t̶ a̶ r̶e̶a̶d̶. T̶h̶e̶y̶ a̶r̶e̶ m̶i̶n̶d̶-b̶l̶o̶w̶i̶n̶g̶ a̶n̶d̶ u̶n̶i̶m̶a̶g̶i̶n̶a̶b̶l̶y̶ t̶r̶u̶e̶, l̶e̶a̶v̶i̶n̶g̶ y̶o̶u̶ a̶s̶t̶...
