Finding Forgiveness {Jerza}

Let It Bleed

Jellal's P.O.V.

"Erza?" I called quietly as I began to tremble.

She still wasn't breathing.

"ERZA!" I screamed, finally allowing the tears to roll down my face.

I reached for her shoulders and shook her, "Come on, Erza, Come on!" I couldn't stop my voice from cracking. I couldn't stop my hands from trembling. "WAKE UP!"

"Jellal," Gajeel's voice came from behind me as he firmly gripped me. 

It was clear he wanted me to stop. To calm down.

"NO!" I shouted at him, my voice deranged, "I CAN'T LOOSE HER! I- I-"

I found myself at a loss for words.

I didn't know what to say. I couldn't think straight.

All I could think about was her. Her hair, her skin, her voice, her attitude, the way she smiles, everything about her. All the moments we shared, laughing over stupid things or getting caught up in hotel rooms. The way she protected everyone she cared about, never once thinking about herself.

All the moments I wasted in that tower, 
I should've been protecting her.

When she went out that morning without me, she wasn't thinking about herself. She was thinking about me. She ended up here because she was trying to do something for me. She went missing because I couldn't get myself out of bed.

She's not breathing because of me.

How could I have let this happen? How could I have let it go this far?

'I'm supposed to marry you! We're supposed to start a family and grow old together!'

Those words rang back in fourth in my head. The same words Erza had heard me say the night we first kissed. The night she took in a mess like me and turned me into someone who had one task and one task only.

Protecting Erza Scarlet.

She forced me to believe that I could be happy, that I could be something more than the failure I'd always been. She healed me in ways I can't begin to describe. And now...

Now she's here. 

Motionless. Pale. Empty.

She's gone.

Erza Scarlet is... Gone.

"This is all my fault..." I mumbled, bowing my head on her stomach, "All of this... Is because of me. If only I'd woken up sooner then..."

Then you wouldn't be dead.

I clenched my fist so hard I could feel my nails creating little half moons on my flesh. Tears kept burning their way through my bloodshot eyes, never failing to meet my misery. 

In the past, I lost my mind. I lost myself while possessed by my own demons, my hatred fueling my existence. A good man was lost in the name of my insanity. After I was set free from Zeref's curse, I was lost the rest of my life looking for a reason to live. I fought evil, no matter the cost, until I lost Ultear. I lost myself once again, working every hour of the day until I found her. I'd been lost for so long, all these years I'd been astray.

Recently, I found her. And she found her own way into my heart. Because of her, I found a way to live with myself and carry on. I found a reason to live through her. I began seeing the world not in shades of black and white- but in bursting colors that splattered in every random direction imaginable. The outside world became buzzing with life- sights became soothing, sounds became symphonies. Life was worth living.