Loss | Kim Taehyung

030: leaving.

発車
LEAVING

the weather was depressing.

grey clouds loomed above inha as she craned her neck from the window of her taxi. bumped her forehead twice on the glass when the road got bumpy; the driver wasn't actually being subtle with his driving. at least he was nice enough for her to not be able to even glare at him. the driver was an old man, had that grandfather look who liked to shower their grandchildren with food and cash. had asked her about her day, how it felt moving back home, if she was sad that she was leaving the city. it was nice, made her wish she had the effort to establish a relationship with her own grandfather before he had passed. inha wished she and her family were a lot closer.

she had been hoping for the day to be sunny, the gloominess the sky casted made everything turn mellow. she didn't need that nostalgic shit right now. it ruined her mood, and if her mood was ruined then so is everything else. found herself scowling just as the first drop of rain fell when the car came to a stop.

she wasn't even in the train station yet, had decided to make a quick detour before her depart. the rain was light, barely a drizzle so it might just be okay for her to go out in the open without an umbrella. would probably get a cold by the time she arrived in daegu.

"miss? there's an umbrella in the back trunk. you may use it if you want," the driver spoke, turning his head and shot her a generous smile. inha sighed in relief.

"thank you. i won't be long."

the old man glanced outside for a brief second before looking back at her, "take your time."

inha knew that look. it was a look that people had thrown at her the first few months after jimin's death. inha had loathed the pity in everyone's eyes whenever they looked at her, but now, she appreciated it. realized that she needed to start letting them help, and maybe the only reason she was still no better now is because she'd been pushing everyone away.

she'd been so happy before, didn't want anyone to see her sad and lifeless. didn't want anyone to see hear weak. had only been strong because she had jimin, he had always been there even when he wasn't. just the thought of him had given her strength.

but there was nothing wrong with being weak, she realized. it only thought her how she could be stronger.

the umbrella was heavy in her hand and rain getting heavier with every footstep that minimized the distance between her and jimin. the heavy lump in her throat that she had expected to form wasn't there and still wasn't there when she stopped in front of his grave. the tremble of her hands that she had had the first time she came here never came. tears didn't pool her eyes, neither did that familiar ache pool her insides.

inha was steady. didn't know if that was a good thing or not. she was supposed to be crying, wasn't she?

"asshole," she spat. felt bad afterward because this was a graveyard and she was here spitting insults at her dead boyfriend. "you lied to me. a lot of times. that letter didn't even explain anything. and even now, i still don't know what you got yourself messed up with for you to do—that."

it had stumbled upon her as she gripped the handle of the umbrella tightly that maybe, she wasn't sad because the thought of jimin dead didn't sadden her anymore, but because she was angry.