Loss | Kim Taehyung

008: shifting.

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SHIFTING

the tv illuminated taehyung's dim apartment as a movie he had no interest in watching played on the screen.

he couldn't focus, not with the girl sitting by his side, too close that he could feel her thigh against his and the scent of vanilla from her perfume. her head rested on his shoulder as his heart drummed in his chest, could pick up a scent of cherry from her shampoo. a quick glance from the corner of his eye told him that the girl had fallen asleep.

inha had been coming over a lot lately and taehyung didn't mind, even appreciated the presence that she brought over his normally silent apartment. but everytime he saw her, he couldn't help but think of jimin.

his best friend.

his brother.

the only person that he'd let himself love too deeply.

looking at inha pained him because she was everything that jimin had loved. everything that he cherised, treasured, cared for. looking at her not only brought back memories of his best friend, but also reminded him that she had been all the reasons that jimin didn't love him back. couldn't love him back.

at least not in the way he wanted him to.

he had been in constant torture because of his feelings for his best friend. had buried them deep down so they couldn't ruin what he had back then. he had tried, really tried to make them go away, but he couldn't help how his heart would race whenever the boy was standing too close to him. whenever their knees touch, whenever the boy slung his arm around his shoulder. and when he had smiled, it was like fireworks lit up in his stomach.

no, he couldn't help how jimin made him feel. and it made him a lot more fucked up than he already was.

inha shifted as taehyung squirmed in his seat. he'd been sitting in the same position for hours, too afraid to wake the girl up if he moved. he placed his palm on the girl's head as he moved away carefully. it didn't work because inha immediately opened her eyes before he could even put a decent distance between them. her head left his shoulder as she blinked at him with squinting eyes. her hair was a tangle of dark locks that would've resembled a bird's nest on any other person, yet it complimented her tiredness that painted her face.

taehyung thought inha had always pulled of distress quite well.

"i fell asleep, didn't i? sorry." the girl scooted away a little bit, putting a small distance between the two.

"it's fine. just a little stiff," taehyung said as he massaged his shoulder with his hand, twisting it a few times.

a soft smile played at her lips. "what, you're not used to girls falling asleep on your shoulder?"

taehyung plastered a cocky grin on his face. "not on the shoulder, no."

"what— oh. i see," inha scrunched up her face, "you hoe."

"not my fault the ladies love me."
the lie slipped out of his tongue easily. if only lying could pay his bills

last time he dated was when he was still in highschool, and he didn't think it could count as a real relationship. so no, he wasn't that popular with the ladies and he had almost zero action in that department, for reasons only obvious to himself.

"well, not all the ladies."

taehyung brought a hand to his chest and gave her an exaggerated look of hurt. "offended."

inha rolled her eyes and fished her phone out of her pocket. her attention was fully on the screen now as she began typing rapidly, probably texting her friends that he didn't know of. so taehyung put his attention back on the movie in front of him, though he had no idea where the storyline was as he hadn't even been paying attention.

taehyung couldn't help but steal glances at the girl from corner of his eye. he noticed her smiling down at her phone as it dinged, typing up a reply to the person on the other end of the line. it reminded him of the life inha had that he wasn't a part of, a life outside of him.

taehyung didn't know why the thought made him sadder than he had expected for it to be.

he glanced down at her phone, knowing that it was rude and probably invading her privacy but he couldn't help it. he was just curious of who was able to put that rare smile on her grief-stricken but beautiful face. but what he only found that she had exited the messaging app and was scrolling through photos on her camera roll.

she tapped on a photo and a picture of her and jimin smiling brightly at the camera came up. she slid her thumb to the left and showed another picture of the couple, with jimin pressing his lips to inha's cheek as the girl grinned at the camera.

taehyung didn't what to make of the suffocating feeling in his chest.

his eyes left the screen and rested on the girl's face, surprised to see a smile on her lips. he'd expected a frown, something that would give off the hurt she felt but no, she was smiling. smiling in pain.

it twisted his heart in ways he didn't know was possible.

"reminiscing?" he said and she met his eyes, looking alert at having been caught scrolling through pictures of her dead boyfriend. ex-boyfriend.

"yeah, well, i couldn't help it." inha locked her phone and set it on the coffee table. she brought her knees to her chest and hugged them. "i should delete them, shouldn't i?"

taehyung shrugged. "only if you want to."

but he did. he didn't to, but he had to. he got rid of anything and everything that screamed jimin. he threw away all the clothes the boy left at his apartment. all those derp pictures on his phone. even went through the trouble of deleting every text, every call history. even got rid of jimin's number on his phone.

maybe he went a little too overboard, but he had been desperate.

"i should... but i don't want to."

"then don't."

inha sighed. she twirled a strand of hair with her finger and stared out into space. "but i should. i want to move on. but i—i can't."

"i know. it's okay."

before he knew it, inha's head is on his shoulder again and he's back to inhaling her soft vanilla scent. she sighed, snuggling into his neck and he tilted his head toward hers.

"i just miss him."

"me too," he whispered and let her loop her arm around his. he welcomed the sudden warmth that spread through his whole body.

inha shifted in her seat as she tried to get comfortable. an odd feeling sparked up in his chest. his heart was shifting too. because suddenly, jimin's death didn't tear him apart as much as it used to anymore.

and taehyung was scared.

+ a/n: yup you guessed it. one-sided vmin was a thing. poor tae :( semi edited bc your girl's one lazy assssssss