blurry face - phan

chapter twenty nine

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dan

"Who was he Dan?" Phil asks, his tone bitter.

Dan looks up at Phil, who's beautiful blue eyes are clouded with hurt, jealousy and betrayal - not the most fantastic combination in Dan's opinion, especially as those emotions are directed towards him.

"He's Lyle," Dan replies, meeting Phil's eyes, "he's sweet, nice, reliable and likes me just as I like him."

"Is that so?" Phil asks, stepping dangerously close to Dan, "but does he love you?"

"I-we haven't gotten to that stage yet!" Dan defends, huffing angrily, "look, you wanted to talk about us and Lyle, as far as I'm concerned, is neither of us."

"Fine, what the hell was that Dan? You broke up with me over phone!" Phil says angrily, "you couldn't even do it to my face!"

"I would've done it to your face, but it was over a month Phil and you never came home. You never even called me!" Dan says, anger rising inside himself, "was it that hard to pick up the phone for a minute to tell me you're thinking of me? Obviously! Because you didn't give a shit about me!"

"Dan I-" Phil stammers, looking down with an expression full of guilt and regret, "I just, you don't get it."

"No Phil, I don't. But you don't get it either," Dan says tiredly, "I thought it would be best, we'd both be free that way. You wouldn't have me holding you back and I wouldn't be waiting by my phone every second."

"Look Dan, I'm sorry, I never forgot you, I swear," Phil pleads, "I would never."

"Then what Phil?" Dan asks, shaking his head, "because I can't spend the rest of this year waiting by the phone for you to call me, even though you never do. Please Phil, I can't go through this again."

"Go through what again?" Phil asks

"Go through leaving you again," Dan replies quietly, "because I'm not sure if I can."

"Then don't," Phil says, stepping close.

"It's not that simple Phil, you hurt me so many times," Dan says, tears threatening to spill from his eyes, "I'm not sure if I could take you hurting me again."

"Please Dan, I'm all in, I promise, we can make this work," Phil pleads, his fingers closing over Dan's wrist preventing him from running, even though they're in his house.

"I can't Phil," Dan says, looking down, "because... Lyle, he just asked me to be his boyfriend."

Phil remains silent, his expression turning sour and he bites his lip, his grip on Dan tightening. Dan peeks up and sees Phil's eyes shining with a glaze of tears.

"And I-I said yes Phil."

And in that moment, Dan swears he feels Phil just deflate, hurt washing over him like waves. He knows how Phil feels, because he feels it as well. His heart wants Phil but his brain is screaming no, because he knows that if Phil hurts him again, he might just be shattered beyond repair.

And also Lyle. Dan just said yes to him, he can't break his heart just because Phil showed up, that would be un-loyal and unfair to him.

"I'm not just going to walk away from you Dan - you can't expect that," Phil says, not letting go of Dan, "you know what, I want to meet this Lyle."