Skin and Bones ➳ Marianas Trench Fanfic

44: Never Say Die

(A/N: WARNING: self-harm in this chapter)

*Victoria's POV*

I opened my eyes and realized that I wasn't in the hotel bedroom. I breathed in and turned my head. I was in the lounge of the hotel room. Josh was sitting on the floor leaning against the side of the sofa and his hand was wrapped around mine.

I smiled at him and yawned. Looking at the clock, I saw that it was 11:00am. Wow, we slept in.

I decided to go out on the balcony. I stood up off the couch and carefully removed Josh's hand from mine, making my way to the sliding door.

I slid the door open and then stepped outside, closing the door behind me again. I took a seat on the little chair and brought my knees to my chest, holding them tightly.

I stared out over the city and watched all of the cars drive around the city. For some reason, my mind started wondering and soon I was thinking about my parents. I rarely thought about my parents, it always pulls me into this hole of sadness and it's hard to get out.

There was one more thing I still hadn't told Josh. That I self-harmed. I started self-harming when I was 8, and I haven't stopped since. I was bullied all the time at the orphanage and I guess that's why I started.

I wonder if my parents hated me...
No. Stupid brain. Stop.

Maybe they didn't ever want me... What if I was a mistake?
No! They just couldn't care for me. They wanted me to have a good life. I hope...

I felt a tear run down my cheek and quickly wiped it away. But it was no use, more and more tears ran down my face and soon I couldn't control them anymore.

I heard the glass door slide open and wiped all the tears off my face. I kept looking out over the city and soon saw Josh sit down on the chair next to me in my peripheral vision.

"What's wrong?" He asked, I could feel him looking at me. I looked at my knees.

"Nothing.." I choked out, my voice cracking slightly.

"Victoria," Josh said, I could feel him narrowing his eyes at my stubbornness.

"I'm fine Josh... Really." I said, looking at him. His eyes teared up at the sight of my red eyes.

"Is it because of what I-" I cut him off.

"No..." I said and swallowed. "Just.."

"You can tell me," he insisted.

"Josh... Why didn't my parents love me?"

Josh's face dropped. "Victoria-"

"Truthfully," I pushed. "Why did they give me up?"

He shook his head. "I don't know,"

I nodded. "Me neither,"

"But I love you," he said. "More than anything. You know that. And guess what?"

"What?" I asked, smiling slightly now.

"They don't know what they're missing out on." He smiled.

I chuckled and nodded. "Thank you,"

"No problem Porcelain," he smiled, standing up.

I looked up at him confused. He put his arms out.

"Coming?" He smirked.

I smiled and stood up, he lifted me up and placed me in his hip. I smiled, we never do this anymore. He always used to carry me, everywhere. But now, not so much.
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It was now 1:26pm and we were back on the bus. I was sitting on the couch in the lounge and the other guys were bringing the bags in. As I scrolled through my phone, I had those thoughts again.

No Victoria. Not again. Not now.

Suddenly, the thoughts became too strong and I felt tears burn my eyes again. I gulped and stood up, shoving my phone in my pocket. I walked into the bathroom and closed the door, locking it behind me. I slid down the door and shoved my face in my knees.

I couldn't take it anymore. I walked over to the sink and reached into my toiletry bag which held my toothbrush, hairbrush, makeup, and razor.

I sat on the floor against the wall and stared at the razor in my hand. I hadn't self-harmed since Josh adopted me. I've been happier than ever before, but now, out of nowhere, I've been so sad.

I took my phone out in hopes of finding some tweets that would cheer me up. Instead, I found the complete opposite. A hate page.

Someone had created a hate page. For me. I gulped and scrolled through some of the tweets. They were horrible to say the least. Telling me to kill myself, over and over. Saying that the guys didn't actually love me. But the worst thing, was that the page had over 500 followers.

Do 500 people really hate me?

I turned off my phone and threw it across the room, rubbing the tears out of my eyes. I grabbed the razor in rage and pulled up my sleeve, making 4 cuts across my skin. Of course it hurt, but it felt better to get the pain out.

I stared at my arm and cried more at the sight I had created. My crying soon became sobs and I lost all control, I started bawling.

I heard Josh banging on the door, that only make me cry harder. Josh was screaming for me to let him in, but it was like I couldn't hear him, like my ears weren't working.

Then, as if in slow motion, Josh kicked the door open and ran into the bathroom. He ran over to me and kneeled down in front of me, shaking my shoulders.

I cried harder and he pulled me into his arms, holding my tightly. I cried into his shoulder and pretty much soaked his shirt, but he didn't care.

He let me go and I leaned back against the wall. I realized that my sleeve was still up and looked down at my arm. Josh followed my eyes and looked at my arm as well. His eyes widened and he has tears coming down his face in seconds.

"Victoria..." He whispered, taking my arm in his hand. I pulled away.

"Don't look at it," I sniffed, pulling my sleeve down.

"Victoria!" Josh cried, taking my arm back and pulling my sleeve back up again.

"Josh," I laid my head against the wall.

"Why?" His voice cracked.

"Josh... I don't know what's happening. I have the best life ever. But.. At the same time, I want to die." I explained, more tears rolling down my face.

"Listen, okay? Victoria. Listen to me." He grabbed my shoulders. "We've talked about this, remember. Never Say Die." He said.

I nodded. "Never say die."