Camila watched as the crowd of people around her eagerly lined up at catering. They all seemed so excited for the much-needed break. Camila on the other hand, always dreaded the times when she was forced to don a plate of food and shift uncomfortably in her seat, pretending that nothing was wrong while all the other girls devoured whatever catering had given them for the day.
So here she sat, a paper plate with a few pieces of lettuce and a less than generous scoop of macaroni and cheese that she had gotten just to avoid the comments about how 'a salad isn't enough' for her.
The Reflection tour was at its peak, and after performing a handful of shows all five girls had gotten into a routine. Camila loved being on stage. It was the only time she could actually interact with the girls without being a nervous mess.
The group had undergone some serious strain after Camila and Lauren's fight. All the girls sided with Lauren, and although they never said it directly, Camila knew they'd chosen the green-eyed girl over her. Without the presence of an audience, Camila was practically non-existent to them. It was as if they'd become Fourth Harmony and that one quiet girl.
She didn't blame Lauren for resenting her. But Camila refused to resolve the fight, because the only way to do so was to tell the truth. And even then, Lauren might not believe her. So Camila fell into her role as the loner, keeping to herself with and distancing herself from the group whenever she could.
After Camila first disappeared for a week, all the girls showered her in questions when she returned home. They'd believed her 'homesick' excuse the first time, but after another week passed and Camila was no where to be found, she couldn't recycle the same excuse. She hoped her great aunt Mimi hadn't actually died, but it was the only excuse she could muster up on the spot.
The girls knew something was up when Camila didn't join them on the first week of the tour. Out of all of the girls, Camila had been the most excited for opening night. And out of all of the girls, Camila was the only one not in attendance. They called her over and over, but Camila couldn't bring herself to answer her phone.
She'd thought about telling them she was in the hospital. That technically wasn't a lie, right? But then they may ask to visit, and Camila wouldn't know how to tell them that this wasn't your normal hospital. So she avoided all questions about where she had been.
The girls pointed out that Camila always seemed happier whenever she returned from her week-long disappearances. She'd show up to meals on time and eat just as much as the other girls. In the mornings, she'd take her 'energy pills' as she called them, and would be the last to tire out at rehearsals. But a few days later, the pills were forgotten and it was a miracle if Camila even showed up to a meal at all.
Her other bandmates had also noticed how little she ate, and when she actually did show up to eat with them, she'd sit as far away from them as she could, hang her head, and skate her food around her plate until they were called back to rehearsals. Camila took a few bites here and there, but would chew her food as slowly as she could to give herself the illusion that she was actually eating enough to sustain a normal human being.
Truth is, she wasn't. And if you asked her why, she wouldn't be able to tell you, even if she wanted to. She couldn't explain it to herself. It wasn't like the petite Cuban girl received much hate for her size. In fact, most of the comments regarding her figure commented on how skinny she actually was. Sadly, they only encouraged her to continue denying her body of the nutrients it needed.
Camila can't pinpoint an exact time where it started. She just remembers skipping a meal here and there before they got on the road for tour. Rehearsals, appearances, and interviews took up so much of their schedule that sometimes she just didn't have time to eat anything. She began living religiously off of water bottles, hoarding them in her bunk and chugging them whenever she got the craving to eat.
Once she noticed her weight start to drop, she was hooked. Every night, she'd silently slip out of her bunk and into the bathroom, stripping down to the bare minimum so she could weigh herself. She found herself becoming disappointed each time, wishing that she could lose just a few more pounds at a time. Standing in front of the mirror, the small brunette would spend over an hour pinching and prodding at the extra skin on her thighs, or her stomach, or her arms. No one else considered it much of anything, but to Camila any part of her body that wasn't hugging her tight enough to expose her bones, was something she needed to get rid of.
None of the girls knew what was really going on with Camila. She knew how to keep them from getting suspicious. It was a harder thing to hide from her family.
Sofi wanted to go ice skating for her birthday and Camila had flown home just to surprise the youngest Cabello. The small girl was ecstatic to have her big sister there to celebrate her special day, and as soon as they got to the ice skating rink, she was pulled out onto the ice.
Less than an hour later, Camila's muscles were stiff and her lungs could barley draw in enough air. She excused herself from the rink, hobbling over to the bleachers in her skates and sitting down.
They found her a little while later, still sitting in the same spot on the bleachers. She was almost unresponsive. When her mother spoke her name, Camila stared up at her groggily, her face blank and devoid of any emotion. Her skin was cold to the touch and just starting to develop a tint of blue. Sofi's party was cut short as Camila was rushed to the hospital.
She doesn't remember the few days following that. She just remembers saying goodbye to her parents and being taken to her new bedroom for the next week. Her meals were monitored, and she was surprised how some of the other patients could get away with not eating as much as they were supposed to. She learned a few skills from them, stuffing peas in her socks at the table and then emptying them out the window when she got back to her bedroom.
It wasn't exactly the easiest thing being famous in a place like this. Camila wasn't accepted. The other girls didn't understand why someone who had the 'perfect life' would end up there. They told her to stop asking for attention. Camila just hung her head low and kept to herself.
Once her weight started to reappear at a steady rate, she was sent back home. Immediately she was thrown back into the fast paced world of fame, being forced to perform her first show of the tour after only one day of rehearsal. Performing was her life, though, and she gladly fell into the routine.
And then she stopped taking her medicine. Her weight started dropping once more, and the color slowly drained from her skin. The other girls noticed and started monitoring her closely, but she grew so distant that it was impossible for them to help her without overstepping their boundaries. Camila pushed everyone away and put all her attention into performing and losing weight. She was sent back to rehab a few times after, but once she was sent home, things bounced right back to how they'd been before.
Lauren confronted her about her disappearances one day. Camila had been sitting alone in her bunk when Lauren came to check if she was coming to dinner. When Camila denied, Lauren tried to push some sort of answer out of her. Camila grew so defensive that she snapped, surprising both herself and Lauren. Their screams could be heard from outside the bus and eventually Dinah and Ally had to pull Lauren out of the bus to calm her down. Camila knew they all blamed her for the tension in the group. She wished she could fix it, she really did, but she couldn't tell them where she'd been.
And now here she was, hiding in the corner of the dining hall at their latest venue. Once she pushed her food around enough, her plate flew into the trash and she was out of the room before anyone realized she was gone.
