Punching Bag on Pages

Fictional Characters

I have had a recent revelation. I am drawn to broken characters, with a constant hope of witnessing the happiness they deserve. Throughout films, novels, and videogames,  I constantly experience different worlds, different stories, and different psychological rollercoasters.

Even though they are already listed on my profile, I have been craving a rant where I can pour my soul into analyzing my favorite fictional characters and the worlds they live in (Woah, that was deep).

Dean Winchester- 

This is a majority of the reason why I will name my future son Dean. He is so broken but strong, and heartbroken but loving. He was four when he started raising Sam. Their father sought revenge on the demon that killed their mother, leaving Dean as the one to give Sam dinner and tuck him in. This is why Sam never saw eye to eye with their dad, not just because they never got along, but because he was never a father to him. Dean was his brother and father. Dean was the boy who practiced shooting a shotgun instead of practicing baseball. He never had a Birthday party or a Merry Christmas. Dean had to grow up too soon, but still hoped that his little brother Sammy wouldn't have to do the same. He protected him as much as possible from not only evil beings but their negligent father.

He has given his life for Sammy, only wanting him to find happiness, and will easily do it again. Dean has always valued Sammy's life over his own too. What's remarkable is that Dean will kill any supernatural creature that crosses his path, but when he's beaten mercilessly by his possessed father (John), father-figure (Bobby), brother (Sam), or angel (Cas), he won't fight back. He believes that he failed them. We know he doesn't deserve to suffer, he deserves the world and more. Yet the one time he found peace, he had to let it go (Lisa). He could have succumbed to the darkness years ago, crushed under the weight of his painful life. Yet he continues to love, and only wants to be loved.

When he battled Cain, and saw what Cain had become, I felt emotionally drained. Dean saw this, this monster in front of him. And instead of a clear view of Cain, he started to see a mirror. He saw himself becoming Cain, ever so slowly. His life sat in ruins, at the complete mercy of this toxic mark. Cain started explaining Dean's fate that will the be inverse of his- about Dean first killing Crowley, then Cas, and then Sammy. Dean kept denying that he would ever harm Sammy, his brother. Sammy is his entire world. But Dean started to realize how much control he had left. Would pure love be able to prevent his fate? I could see it immediately that Dean was so, so scared. I had never seen him so scared before.

Dean causes me to release the most intense of emotions. I've sobbed, curled into the fetal position, and screamed at the television because of the pain he goes through. Every time he died, my heart couldn't take it. When Sammy died the first time and Dean was a mess, my heart couldn't take it. When Dean battled with his inner demons (metaphorically and literally) over and over again, my heart couldn't take it. Such an amazing character (and an amazing actor portraying him). Dean and Jensen deserve the world and more.

Killian Jones-

Have you ever heard of "Peter Pan" by Kelsea Ballerini? It has a slightly negative connotation, because she's saying that the boy is never going to grow up (like Peter Pan). But whenever I listen to it, I hear a positive tone. I think of young Killian Jones, wanting to live a life full of adventure. He wanted to travel across the realms and never be slowed down by responsibility or stress. I think of him diving off of a ship into the water with his friends or climbing up to the crow's nest, and navigating for the first time or commanding a crew for the first time. Those cute memories come to my mind, and I can actually see them like a movie in my head. When he thought the world was so fascinating, when he dreamed of living that life forever.

The moment when it all changed was when (the fire nation attacked... haha just kidding) he was burdened with the loss of his brother. His childhood now seeming so far away and he was forced to a ground himself in a harsh reality. Then he experienced heartbreak when Milah was ripped from his world too. He became a person who shut out love completely, never thought that he'd be Peter Pan again. He relied on brief sexual endeavors, alcohol, and misery to satisfy his life... until he met Emma. Now he can replace the broken past of the Jolly Roger with a slowly mending future with Emma... or me.

Matthew Murdock-

I've only had one short season to get to know this character, but he's quite remarkable. Matt is blind, which I've instantly realized that I loved... and not for the fact that it heightens his other senses to make him a badass. Matt does see (what he calls) a "world on fire", but regardless- he doesn't have the capacity to judge based on physical features. He just wouldn't. It's just so beautiful for him to see by touch. It may be for the percentage of hopeless romantics in the audience, but he does this fascinating thing by feeling someone's face to see. He's a perceptive badass but also a perceptive and benevolent person. Matt is broken because he was always bandaging up his father, and ever since he lost his father to the corrupt city, he's bandaging up his own wounds. Due to becoming blind at age 9, all other senses are heightened. For a long time the noises he heard were too overwhelming.

I love how even though he has the enhanced perceptiveness, he's not invincible. Matt has been found practically dead about three times. I was in pain from seeing him in pain. He's not perfect, because he tends to isolate himself... thinking that he has to tackle his demons on his own. This leads to lies and more isolation. Just from watching this one season, I had the overwhelming need to write a fanfiction. More than ever before. I'm still considering something like that.

Niklaus Mikaelson-

This man is my unstable sociopathic lover and I can't get enough of him. Every time he appears on screen, I just get an adrenaline rush. In the beginning I was attracted to Elijah and his protective/gentle heart. But then as a couple of episodes went by, I threw that out the window for an obsession with Klaus. Their accents just make me swoon, but Klaus is just captivating overall.

As far as pasts go, he's pretty screwed up. I mean, his father beat him mercilessly as a child. From then on, for the hundreds of years he has lived (because hello? immortality is possible), his father was hunting him down to kill him. That fear has haunted Klaus.

Niklaus tries to desperately cling to power, not wanting any emotion to slip through. But from his eyes alone, raw emotion pours through. The most intense scene for me to watch was when the witches trapped Niklaus against the wall of the church (Warning: Spoilers) He wanted to help Hayley so badly as she gave birth to their daughter, pleading for the witches to release him. Then, Hope was born. He just kind of lost his breath, tearing up at the sight of his child. Those two women were the most important in his life now, but the witches ripped that away once they stole the baby and slit Hayley's throat in front of him. Niklaus screamed and screamed, the most helpless he's been in his entire life. I was crying happy tears watching him smile at his new daughter, but then sobbing when Hayley was killed. Although she did come back to life, and Hope is safe (according to the end of season 1), it was painful for me to see Niklaus in pain.

Steve Rogers-

Where do I begin with this man? He's my favorite superhero because even though he doesn't have the strongest body, he has the strongest heart. His philosophies are so genuine, like him wanting to get rid of bullies. He was beaten in alleyways for a majority of his life, but withstood the pain so someone else wouldn't have to. Steve wanted to make a difference, signed up relentlessly for the army, and when he finally got in- proved his worth. I find it so beautiful to watch him jump over the grenade, it honestly just made my heart twist with a tragic kind of love. He'd sacrifice himself for anyone, and especially Bucky. He's true to his heart and values, the Star Spangled Man with a Plan, and my hero.

After his transformation to be a super soldier, and while trying to find Schmidt, he lost Bucky. Bucky was his world, all he loved in his life. Then in 2014 Steve finds out he's alive, but doesn't remember him. Bucky is programmed to kill him, and Steve has to fight back... but refuses to. He could never hurt his best friend, his brother. Gosh, I love him. It's his Bucky.