Gangsta's Paradise

Not The One

Lauren

I woke up, feeling like shit. My back is killing me and I'm so damn tired. Emani is lying next to me and I smiled while running my fingers through her hair. I kissed her forehead before waddling my way to the bathroom. When I came out, I walked downstairs. I've always loved Blacc's house.
From the outside, it looks like a spacious farm. But inside, it's like a modern mansion. He has all the latest technology and gadgets inside. I especially love his couch. It's a sectional that lets out into a recliner. It has heated seats that vibrate. Which I am now sitting on. I cuddled up on the sofa and closed my eyes. I felt the seat next to me dip and I opened one of my eyes.

"Hi Blacc!"
"Good morning sis. How you feeling girl?"
"I'm okay. But this boy needs to hurry and come!"
"Nephew giving you a hard time?"
"That and I can't wait to see him..."
"Yeah, thanks to you, he might look alright."
"Haha! Stop it. You know my baby gonna be A1!"
"Heads up though. That nigga on his way here."
"Ugh! I just don't want to deal with him right now!"
"I feel you, Lo. To be honest, you got every right to be mad, you know? But, you slowly changing that nigga. I just hope he don't lose you before he fully sees what he got."
"I don't understand Blacc. Why can't he see me now? I've been about him this whole time!"
"Some of us niggas is stupid man. We catch up slow. He'll figure it out."
"I jus-,"
"BOOG!"
"Now, why he come in here yelling? All dramatic and shit like he in a movie?"

I couldn't help but laugh at Sam. I love their relationship. You can clearly see the love between them but they will talk shit and joke on each other all day. Nip walked into the room and we locked eyes. I got lost in them for a minute before I rolled mine and looked away.

"Boog-,"
"Is Lauren the only one you see in here nigga?"
"I seen your scrawny ass the minute I walked in. Pretty ass nigga."
"You look just like me though nigga!"
"Naw bro, I look better."
"Whatever. You lucky I ain't grimey. Cause, in another life, I'd take yo wife."
"Cuz, get the fuck out of here before I tell Yolonda on your ass."
"Haha! Bet that up nigga!"

They dapped and hugged before Blacc walked out the room, leaving us alone. He looked down at me while I looked outside the window. I heard him sigh before sitting down.

"Boog, I'm sorry."
"It seems that's all you can say. But you never learn."
"I do. It's just, I get caught up!"
"Why?"
"What you mean why?"
"Why do you get caught up? Explain it to me..."
"Man, it's just... There's just-,"
"There's just what Ermias?"
"You know what I mean! There's always a chick throwing themselves at a  nigga. Know what I'm sayin'?"
"No, I don't. Especially when you have a woman at home that's nothing but loyal to you."
"It's hard Lauren! Don't act self righteous and shit like you don't see what be going on!"
"Yeah. But then you have men that fight it everyday and win. Lebron, Steph Curry-,"
"You just names two ball players. I'm a rapper. Shit is different!"
"Ice Cube, Big Boi, Papoose..."
"Look, we can play the name game all day. I'm me and them niggas is them."
"Oh you you huh?"
"Yeah, can't be nobody but me baby. Come on now."
"Well, I'm gonna let you do you. I'm tired."
"So what you saying? You wanna break up?"
"No, I don't. But I don't see a good solution for us when my man refuses to be faithful to me! I told you, before we even decided to go down this road, that I'll be here. All I asked is that you kept it real with me and didn't cheat."
"But honestly, you're being unrealistic! I'm 32! I'm in my prime! At least it ain't a different bitch every night and I don't bring them to our house!"
"You just don't get it do you?"
"It seem to me you don't get it! Boog, I'm trying! I put all my effort into you so what's the issue?!"
"Your effort isn't good enough. What's so hard about being with ONE woman?"
"Shit gets boring! And tired, played out! Just like this conversation."

His words really hurt me. I looked down to blink back my tears. I rubbed my belly hoping to sooth my son, he's going crazy. He's been kicking and moving around all morning. Maybe he feels mommy's hurt.
Just like every man before him, Ermias has just let me down in the worst way. Wayne, Trey... it seems I'm never enough. I put my all into being a good woman and holding my man down but look where it gets me. Hurt. Alone. Betrayed. Disappointed.

"Maybe this shit ain't working out. Honestly, I don't know if I can be the type of nigga you asking me to be."

The tears began to fall before I could even try to force them back in or even stop them. Here I am, practically begging the man that I love to be faithful to me. And he can't even do that. I've given up so much in these two years we've been together. I don't make a big deal out of it because each time, I chose him, chose us.
I gave up the movie role of a lifetime to carry his baby! I don't regret it for a moment but my career would have taken off from that movie. I asked Tip if we could hold off on "ATL 2" so that I could stay in LA and I wouldn't have to leave again back to back. And this is how he wanna do me?

"Maybe you're right..."

I watched him shake his head and walk out while I let out a shaky breath. I don't want to break up. That's my biggest issue with myself. As hurt as I am, I still want him. I went and laid back in the guest bedroom I was in. Emani is still knocked out to the world. I smiled at her as I felt more tears fall. I put my hand over my mouth to stop the noise and I cried until I fell asleep again.

When I woke up, the first thing I saw was a tweet from Nipsey.