The Mute [Elliot Alderson]

02 | q u e e n

BES's POV

"You know, you look healthier," I commented on Elliot's recent weight gain. His cheeks are still sunken in, his eyes are still longing for something unknown but he's here with me now so maybe things can be different. I know he will never stop hacking—that's what his brain has been hardwired him to do—but maybe we could make some sort of life together.

Physical contact is not something he's known for, so when he dropped everything to kiss me I was taken aback. Surely this is not the same man I knew before, who would only physically touch me after a joint or two to his lips. But now that he's been in jail, he's clearly dropped the morphine and hasn't been physically dependent on anything. Maybe in place of the drugs he can have me, instead.

Maybe that's vain for me to think, that I could somehow make up for all the trauma and things that caused him to use in the first place. There's no way I can erase all of that for him, nor can he do that for me.

"Thank you," he murmured, looking around the lobby of the jail he was previously being held in. "I feel better." He noted.

"Well, how about we get the fuck outta here and get you something real to eat?" He smiled and nodded his head, signaling towards the door.

. . .

Sitting across from each other face to face for the first time in months was startling although heartbreaking. I can't believe that we went through that. That he endured jail, although he was technically a criminal. To me, I guess I was so blinded by my infatuation with him that I didn't really mind that he was being the vigilante this world needed. I mean, he took down so many people who deserved it, including my one and only step father.

Of course my mother was torn to shreds. Her husband is now in prison, both her children are grown and moved out. She has no choice but to put together the pieces of her life that were shaped by the man she was married to. Now that he's been exposed for the monster he really is, she's no longer under the pressure of my grandparents to live this glitz and glamor lifestyle that they couldn't give to her.

Because my father wasn't what they wanted for her, the pushed her into a loveless marriage with someone who didn't value her life, nor her children. If he had any shred of decency in his body, he wouldn't have hurt those poor girls and women. My mother being included in that group.

A part of me wonders if she knew what was going on, that he was hurting people. If she just stayed silent and didn't want to speak up in fear of losing everything she had. I was in a similar situation when I found all of the evidence Elliot had on Joe. I didn't want to be responsible for all of my bills, my student loans or my apartment. Joe made it so my life was also dependent on him. I'm not sure if that was manipulation at its finest or if he was doing it because he loved my mother.

I'm glad that even though I've been struggling to stay afloat on my own, I still did what was right. Elliot pointed out the fact that I was willing to let innocent people get hurt so I didn't have to grow up, and I knew that's not who I am on the inside. I would never want anyone to suffer so I could life comfortably and happily in my little bubble, safe from the world.

Now that Joe is in prison, I can know in my heart that he can't hurt anyone else, ever again. That helps me sleep at night when sometimes it's hard to. I try to reassure myself that fsociety is doing the right thing, that the people we're taking down are evil and deserve every bad thing they get.

Sometimes I battle with it though. How can I be the judge, jury and executioner? I'm certainly not God, nor am I the government. Who am I to say that one person is worse than others? Darlene reassures me often that although this 'job' is hard, we're doing the right thing even though we're technically breaking the law as well.

"It's so weird hearing your voice." Elliot commented.

"You've been hearing it the whole time you were in jail." I reminded him.

"Well, I mean, it's still strange for me. Even being on the outside is still kind of weird too." He picked up his soft shell taco and took a large bite out of it. I just smiled at him, happy to know that this visit won't be cut short by a guard telling us our time is up.

And now, I can finally tell him the secret I've been holding onto this whole time. It's funny how he hasn't noticed my weight gain already although I've been really good at covering it up with baggy clothes and wearing heavy coats. The winter time has been my saving grace.

"Well, I've got something to tell you."

"What's that?" He asked while he was still chewing his food. It made me giggle that he didn't mind talking with his mouth full because he was so hungry.

"I'm pregnant." I stated with confidence. I've been trying to prepare myself to tell him for months now.

But the response I got was not what I was expecting. Elliot dropped the taco out of his hand and spit his chewed food out onto his plate.

"You're fucking kidding me."

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