Cracking the Zarry Code - how Deep is real.

Pillowtalk - Part 1

So then a big hiatus (lol) before the release of Pillowtalk in March 2016.

This is such a huge song in every sense; everyone knows it, still played regularly on the radio (in my country, at least) all the time, a record-breaking release which eclipsed all of One Direction's songs by going straight to number 1 nearly everywhere, totally vindicating Zayn's decision to leave the band and go solo.

I wonder what the remaining members of 1D really thought about Pillowtalk and its success at the time?

What I remember very clearly from interviews around the time is a sense of nervousness from the boys when they were asked about Zayn's album coming out. It seemed strange. I don't think I imagined it, but I can't find any of those interviews now, except Simon Cowell saying that he'd heard Zayn's music ahead of its release and admitting that it was good. Even he seemed uncomfortable.

It now seems obvious to me why the band would have been nervous about Zayn's solo music. Zayn wasn't one to toe the line and he had always said he wanted to be authentic as an artist. What would he say in interviews? And more importantly, what would his lyrics reveal? While the media focussed on whether Zayn would diss the band or 1D's music, it's now pretty certain that the band must have been dreading a revelation that would point to Harry's sexuality. Would Zayn out himself or anyone else in the band through the songs; and would he reveal anything about Zarry in his lyrics? No wonder the hiatus was announced: the pressure on Harry must have been immense. Not only had he lost the love of his life, he now had to worry about whether his ex would "kiss and tell", throwing him and the whole of 1D into a media firestorm the like of which they had never experienced.

I suspect Simon Cowell negotiated some kind of non-disclosure clause when Zayn broke his contract to leave the band. Sure, that kind of contract can stop someone saying something outright (like: "Harry's gay and was in a relationship with me"). But Syco could never control ambiguous, poetic song lyrics. Especially where pronouns are changed. Fans can read between the lines, as we have done. Luckily Zayn has never been so open in his lyrics as to be unmistakable (well, not until Dusk Till Dawn anyway, and hardly anyone except the zarries have picked up on that... so far).

So Pillowtalk was released with the Zigi backstory and Gigi in the video. More than enough misdirection (ha ha) – nearly everyone focussed on the het angle and the fact that a former member of a supposedly squeaky-clean boyband was talking about sex. And when I say "nearly everyone" I am including myself. When Zayn left 1D, I honestly thought he was rejecting Harry and turning his back on same-sex relationships because he couldn't handle what they would mean for his life. I'll tell you why later.

Even so, there were lyrics in Pillowtalk that didn't fit with the official, heterosexual storyline, and which reminded me strongly of a same-sex relationship - and of Harry.

Seeing the pain, seeing the pleasure

Fucking and fighting on

My enemy; my ally

If you apply some of these images to a heterosexual relationship you end up with S&M at best and domestic abuse at worse. At the time I just assumed Zayn was just trying to do the misogynistic RnB / hip hop thing; but even that didn't ring true to me.

If the song was about a relationship with a woman, then who was the woman? There were other details that confirmed that the song wasn't about Zigi, as at the time Zigi (if real) was a relatively new relationship.

I love to hold you close, tonight and always

This is describing a long-term, well-established relationship.