Lies From Pretty Lips

SOME SECRET

SOME SECRET

OSAZE

"When will you get married Osaze? Don't you think it's time for me to carry my great-grandchild in my arms or you're waiting for me to die first?" my grandma chewed on her chewing stick. She asked me this same question every time I came to Benin.

I smiled thinking of Arinola, she's pregnant and soon we'll be having our baby. I hadn't told my family for good reason, well for Arin's reason. She was keeping everything hush-hush, she'd begged me not to tell anyone about her or the baby yet and I'd promised not to. So as much as I would love to tell my grandmother that she would soon be a great grandmother, I couldn't.

If only Arinola would agree to relocate to Benin with me, then we wouldn't have to hide this part of our lives. Expecting a baby was something to be proud of, not something to hide. But Arinola was scared of her father's wrath, I didn't know a lot about the man but he must be such a tyrant to make his only child so afraid of him.

I was barely at home because of my work here in Benin and I hated leaving her at home especially now that she's pregnant.

"Soon mama, I'll get married soon. Stop worrying all the time, I'll surprise you very soon" I said.

"That's what you always say. I've found a fine girl for you, Onome. Why won't you marry Onome?" She asked loudly.

"Onome is not a good girl" I responded. I've heard a lot about what the Onome girl got up to around Benin and she wasn't the type I would ever settle for. Based on my standards, she was trash, she was just as bad as Mercy and her roommates.

"Onome is a good girl from a well-known family. I suspect that the reason you've refused to go see her parents is that one of those Lagos girls is holding you captive with juju. Yes, one of them must have given juju for lunch, breakfast, and dinner"

"Mama, there's no one like that, calm down, please. I'm not ready to get married now" I said.

"Are you sure there's no other reason?" she asked spitting out some particles from her mouth.

My cousin Osas came up behind me and wrapped her arms around my body. Though we were cousins, I considered her my sister because we grew up together and we were extremely close.

"Mama, he said he's not ready to get married and he also doesn't want to marry Onome. Won't you let him be mama, won't you leave him alone?" Osas asked.

"Am I holding him? As my grandchildren, you don't know you're supposed to get married while I'm alive so I can enjoy the wedding ceremony and collect gifts from our in-laws.  Even you Osas, you also don't want to get married?" She continued.

"Mama, forget about marriage. Getting married isn't a priority, for now, it's not a big deal. We aren't ready yet because we're still hustling and trying to keep the company afloat" Osas went over to her and stroked her shoulders gently.

"In fact, I think it's time for you to take your medicine and sleep. Let me take you to your room" Osas offered and helped my grandmother out of her resting chair.

As they walked to her room, I looked at her retreating form amused,  she was eighty-four but she was still strong and full of life. 

When she dies, I get her shares in the company.

I'm looking forward to that, everyone in this house is looking forward to that because of the many things they would inherit from her after her death.

Being in my hometown reminded me of how far I'd come. How my mother had insisted that I school outside Benin, everyone at that time had kicked against it including me but my mother had made up my mind.

Now that I think about it, I was grateful that she'd insisted because if she hadn't, I would never have met the love of my life.

Arinola and I met in high school, I was a boarder and senior while she was just a junior day student.

She was very beautiful, active in extracurricular activities in school and she drew a lot of attention but I was one of the very few who wasn't attracted to her.

I knew she had a crush on me, most of the girls in her class did because they liked the idea of dating a senior boy but I wasn't interested in any of them. They all acted girlish and very immature, Arinola was their ring leader, I'd never met any girlish girl before then and it was such a turn-off.

She always had her hair in two braided pigtails and would adorn her hair with pink hair clips and beads that jingled every time she walked past and it annoyed me to no end. She also put on light makeup though makeup was forbidden, but the prefects and teachers because she was everyone's favorite.

She wasn't my favorite though because I loved someone else,  someone who didn't return my love. 

Someone who despised me and didn't bother to hide it because she wanted me to know how much she disliked me. I'd tried every method in the book to get her to like but my efforts always backfired, if anything, it probably made her detest me more. 

I still love her, she's dead now but I still pretend she's alive. I like to deceive myself that we were still together.

Every time I made love to Arinola, I'd pretend it was with her and not Arinola. I had also managed to convince myself that she was the one in Lagos who was pregnant with my child.

But Arinola can never be her even though they were blood sisters, that's why I constantly take my anger out on her.

I desperately wanted her to be like her late twin sister but Arin can never be like Kiki.

Sometimes I find myself wishing Arin had died instead of Kiki.

I'd been so heartbroken when school resumed that semester and Arinola had told me the news in tears.

I'd turned to her for comfort, and she'd comforted me.

We never speak about kiki, Arin doesn't even know I still have feelings for her late sister. 

And she would never know, she's the only person that connects me to KiKi and I'm going to keep her forever because of that.

Arin believes I love her,  I've fooled myself into believing that too but I know the truth and Arin must never find out.