Look At Me (Solangelo)

Chapter VII

He kissed me.

That's all my mind could process. Will Solace, the greatest fluffbean alive, kissed me. Sure, it wouldn't be considered a proper kiss to most people, seeing as he gave me a head kiss. But shit, any form of Will's lips touching my skin was a damn good kiss for me.

Without any form of a warning, my door pushed open to reveal my mother's face. "Nicole," she said, sliding down on my bed next to me, "hi."

"Hey," I replied, folding my knees close to my chest, doing so made me aware of how much my binder was fucking hurting. "What's up?" Hide the pain, Nico, hide the pain.

"You went to Will's house after school, correct?" Great. Interrogation time.

"Yeah." My voice was nonchalant and emotionless.

"What did you two do?"

"We watched Voltron. It was... fun." I left out the details of us pigging out on chips and soft drinks. She'd probably blame a sugar high once we got in a fight, which was bound to happen. "Why?"

"Well, normally boys and girls don't go to each other's houses...," her voice had a suspicious edge. "Unless they were... going out?"

I threw a pillow at her. "Fuck off," I laughed. She smiled.

"And then you stomped into your room, blushing!" Mom was literally near-squealing.

"Shut up, Mom!" I yelled at her, punching her in a joking manner. Neither of us really cared about dignity or manners while around each other. At least, not while joking.

She laughed, leaning closer to me for a bit. Her breath smelled like cigarettes. At least she had the decency to smoke outside, knowing how they burn my nose, and second-hand smoke can kill.

"But let's get serious, dear," she said once the laughter had died out.

"Okay." My voice tinged with worry.

"You know how we agreed I should get counseling? For depression and drug addiction?" This was, indeed, a very serious time.

"Yeah."

"Well," she took in a sharp breath of air, "I found something." There was a pause while my brain took time to process this information.

"Really?" I exclaimed. "Mom, that's great! Bianca would be so proud!" I was smiling, she was smiling, and the air was filled with smiles.

"Yeah... and there's also something else." Now, something else could mean multiple things, knowing my mother. It could mean something bad, or good. Something she did to 'fix' something, or to actually fix something.

My breath was shaky as I spoke. "What is it?"

"I found someone, Nicole -- Nico! Nico." My eyes lit up. She never calls me Nico. She never has once dared to call me anything other than Nicole since my father left.

Since Bianca died.

"Someone?" I asked, nearly to the brim of screaming in excitement.

"I'm trying." Her voice was calm. "And you seem to really want this. And... if you want it, if you say you're never going to regret it, and if it means the beginning of me trying to be a better mother, then your doctor and I have been speaking."

"Speaking?" My smile was literally stretched from ear to ear.

"About... testosterone supplements. I also ordered you a better binder. Your current one is ripping and turning sweat-stained yellow." Her voice was so even! And so chill!

My mouth hung wide open. "Who are you and where did my transphobic, somewhat-asshole mom go?"

Mom smiled at me. "I'm trying so hard. Whatever you believe is best, I'll agree one hundred percent."

My eyes stung with happiness tears. "Thank you," I whispered as my arms flung around her. My voice cracked and tears were running down my cheeks, but I was happy. Happiness crying.

She whispered back to me, "I'm trying."