The Life of an Introvert

Confrontational People

Before I write this, I want to let you guys know that I really try to understand where people are coming from when they ask me questions like this. In the past, I would try to take advice to heart. Sometimes, I would take it personally.

Because confrontational people are not necessarily bullies. in fact, a lot of the time they're your friends, families, or whatever and you find that your personalities tend to clash.

So how do you respond when someone asks you why you're so quiet?

There is almost no way to respond without sounding either offensive or vague.

And I don't want to be offensive. Because nine times out of ten, these people are, or think they are, helping you out. But it can be awkward, because sometimes they end up singling you out. It's just a conundrum.

Heh. Conundrum. Love that word.

When people ask things like this, I usually know that they take my silence as a personal insult, or think that I don't like them.

And I'll be honest. Sometimes, it really is because I just don't like that person. That can happen to anyone, no matter what their personality is.

I have, however, often gotten advice from friends and family that I'm sure they meant well, telling me that I needed to lighten up and learn to talk more.

When someone asks you why you're quiet, never apologize for it. Don't act sheepish or act like you're ashamed of it. Because if someone, especially someone you've just met, asks you why you're quiet, it's really none of their business. If someone tells you that you need to liven up, you don't have to agree.

Questions like those are personal. You shouldn't feel like someone has the right to ask you that. And you shouldn't feel like you're inferior to anyone else just because you don't talk as much.

On the other hand, you shouldn't be rude. I mean, I would love to respond as much as the next person with 'Why are you so loud?' or 'It's none of your beese-cheese' (Yes, I just said beese-cheese. Don't judge me)

But like I said before, a lot of the time, people who ask this or say stuff like this to you aren't trying to be rude. They're just genuinely concerned, caring people.

I'm not saying that everyone who asks this has good intentions, though. Some people really are just trying to single you out. I think the easiest way to tell is who you're with.

Someone who's genuinely concerned will probably wait until you're alone with them and try to have a heart-to-heart conversation. If they can tell you're uncomfortable, they probably won't press the issue.

Someone who doesn't have good intentions may be that annoying kid who singles you out at a party or group event, asking you why you don't talk and continuing to press the issue even when you've made it clear that it's something you don't want to discuss.

But it's still kind of a gray-ish area. It's not always easy to tell. So I stick to my resolution of not being rude unless it's blatantly obvious that the person pressing the issue isn't concerned at all, and is just trying to bully you.

Here's what I don't get, though. How do people expect you to respond to this? Obviously they would be offended if you give them a rude answer, and they probably don't want you to shrug off the question or statement. So do they want you to say you're sorry? Do they want you to say you'll talk more?

My thoughts on this are that they expect a reason. They want you to say that you've been feeling a little down lately, or something bad happened, or that you're mad at them. They want something that will make sense.

It can be annoying when someone pries like this, but you want to be careful not to automatically respond in a rude way, especially if it's someone that does care about you or is simply concerned.

So how do you respond? There are a lot of ways, but I have a few personal favorites.

One is 'There's nothing wrong with being quiet'. Because yeah, there's nothing inherently wrong with just being quiet. Just like there's nothing wrong with being talkative.

A lot of people, when challenged, will back down. The next time someone tells you that you need to stop being quiet, try asking them what exactly is wrong with being quiet in the first place. See if they can come up with a good answer for you.

Now, if someone is actually bullying you or being a jerk, I would recommend the classic 'it's none of your business' or just 'What does me being quiet have to do with you?' Don't let anyone make you feel bad for something that's a part of you. I've already mentioned this earlier, but bullies need to know that they cannot bully you. And people can't just let it happen. This shouldn't be a normal occurrence.

But what about friends? What about people that really, truly, care? Just be as honest as you can with them without being apologetic. Thank them for being concerned and caring, but let them know that you're fine, and that there's nothing wrong with you for being quiet. For example:

"Thanks, *insert name here*, I really appreciate that you're concerned and you care, but I'm fine. I'm just quiet in general, and I don't think that there's anything wrong with that. I understand that you think I need to be more lively, but I'm happy with the way I am. And I'm just happy."

I'm sorry, okay? I know that sounds like the end of a Disney movie. You can put your own spin on it. You can be like "I'm good, bro." or do your own thing.

But if you're quiet, you're quiet. Don't be sorry for it.